Counseling
Forums:
My fiancé and I are going to our first counseling session tomorrow and I am trying to make a list of things I want to discuss and am just overwhelmed. We have so many issues, but they all surround SD4. Since, from what I have been reading, we all have pretty much the same issues, do you have any suggestions? My fiancé does NOT like confrontation, which combined with his guilty daddy syndrome, is the reason we have not been able to work out our issues on our own.
Counseling can be a great way
Counseling can be a great way to lay things out on the table with a non-biased mediator. I say it's worth a shot for sure. I wish I could get mine to go to counseling with me. I go myself for different reasons not related to soon to be ss8, who, at best, I tolerate. Can't even say 'like' at this point and it's been 3 years. I have no idea how I would EVER say to my SDH that I can barely stomach his one and only son, who has autism and is babied b everyone on dad's side of the family.
Good luck to you!!!!
Haha, I feel the same way
Haha, I feel the same way about SD, that's why even though my fiance agreed to go to counseling, I am not sure how it is going to work. He thinks I am the one with the issues and anything I say about SD he takes personally. I just don't know if this is going to go well.
Then you should bring this up
Then you should bring this up in therapy, with an example. The first session will be an assessment and getting to know you though. You don't usually get to talk about a lot of issues the first day.
I wonder if it's because they
I wonder if it's because they are not our biological children and our fiancees had these kids with other women? Because people who adopt are able to bond with children, so why can't I bond with my ss8? Question I keep asking myself. Maybe it's because when he's mad and won't listen to me he has tantrums and hits me, etc. I hold a lot of resentment towards him for that. I know he's only 8 but I don't give a crap, he knows right from wrong and NEVER gets punished for doing it. Dad's fault there but still, all my ill willed feelings are towards the kid. I wonder if fiancee can SEE that I don't love his son. I'm guessing not, I put on a good face every day. I wish I could do what you are doing and spill my guts to him, but I know I never can, thus I have this board to vent on.
Good luck at the therapy session!!!
That is probably the exact
That is probably the exact reason. I am much closer to my Godsons than I am to SD. Actually, I am not close to her at all. I can barely even stand the sight of her and have so much built up resentment towards her. Thank you for the good wishes and I will post about it when it is over!
The first session is the
The first session is the therapist getting to know each of you. I spent time in sessions speaking in first person "I" instead of throwing things at SO so he couldn't feel defensive. He ended up not going back after about 4 sessions. It was obvious everything was falling to HIS problem. I was doing everything right.
If you don't feel comfortable with the therapist then find someone else. I got lucky. The woman I found knew the terms "disengaged" "step mom feels like a maid" and "disney dad". SHe was amazing.
I am really hoping I get a
I am really hoping I get a therapist who has experience with the blended family issues. She needs to understand the guilty daddy issues and all the things you mentioned. Honestly, I have little faith that it is going to do any good but at least I can say I tried EVERYTHING.
That would be AMAZING!! Thank
That would be AMAZING!!
Thank you!
Oh..my..god.. the counseling
Oh..my..god.. the counseling majorly backfired on me. The counselor told my fiance she thinks it's REMARKABLE that he stepped up and took care of his daughter and supposedly she told him she thinks I am just using the kid as an excuse because I really don't want to be with him!! WTH!!!