Marrying a wonderful man..but scared of step parent problems.
Hi everyone I am new here. I really am at a loss at this point. I have met the man of my dreams. He excepts my daughter and she excepts him. Her BD left and did not return after we ended our relationship. Anyways His family (my fiance's), Has been magnificent with my daughter. Until his sister had her baby. Now I feel my daughter is getting the shaft. She's 3 and I think she knows it is happening. For instance, they will take the Biological Grand daughter and mom to the mall or out to do things. They dont even invite not only my daughter and i but their son! This is just one of the many ways things dont equal out. I had prepared myself mentally for this but now I have a new fear of having more kids. My daughter is my everything. My goal in life is to make sure she gets the treatment she deserves and the love. I am not going to have more kids and them a) get more attention than her
or
b) they too get the cold shoulder compared to their cousins.
But what do you do in this situation? Another thing is the sister herself. She is nice but we aren't really close. The other day my soon to be Husband called and said hey lets take the girls and have a christmas picture of them made together for mom for christmas. She quickly shot it down making excuses like "i dont know if I'll be off to do it" and he responded "well im a teacher and school break starts so I can work to your schedule." still she said no. I feel like she isnt excepting my DD.
Idk what to do. I dont want to say anything because i would come off spoiled. I have tried to have my DH says something and he is so passive he always tells me "i've been the underdog to my sister my whole life. it wont change now."
What do I do??????
Accept it. It's normal. Moms
Accept it. It's normal. Moms are often closer to their daughters than their daughter in laws. The child of your own child often means more to you than the child of your daughter in law. Many stepmoms will tell you that it's not easy and it doesn't come natural to love your stepchildren even remotely like you love your biochildren...why do we expect grandchildren to be different? I haven't experienced it...but both my mother and stepmother talk about what an amazing feeling it is to see your daughter carry a child, deliver a child and mother a child...more so than seeing your son become a father. It's just a special type of bond.
And your sil had her first child...she doesn't want to share the spotlight with her brother's future wife/future stepdaughter. That doesn't make her evil..or wrong...maybe a bit immature or self centered...but man, that first baby hits you like a ton of bricks. Let her daughter have her first christmas.
It's hard to force a bond. Be understanding and patient...they sound like decent people...let it grow on its own.
I have to agree with this.
I have to agree with this. I'm sorry though-I know it sucks for you and your daughter.
I agree that it seems fair. I
I agree that it seems fair. I just hope my future kids who are blood will receive fair treatment. I know its normal for the blood grand children to receive more attention. Its hard to accept as a mom. I guess being on the mother side of the mother daughter relationship I want nothing more than for my daughter to get the up most best. Guess i should see that and look at the MIL situation. Its bothersome though. Thank you for your thoughts! sometimes you need someone to tell you like it is!
I don't even know if it's
I don't even know if it's just blood relations...I think it's possible that your future bk with your dh could be treated differently because it's different when it's your daughters offspring...rather than your sons..for some mil's.
It is hard. Does your daughter have any other grandparents in her life? My kids will not come close to being treated the same in dh's family...they are much older..coming into the game late so to speak...and likewise, my mom will never view my ss like she does her own 5 grandkids. However, my kids have sets of grandparents that adore them...so they won't really be bothered by dh's family not doting on them. BTW..dh's family is awesome...it just is what it is.