BM fails to cooperate with visitation schedule, any solution?
BM has consistently be uncooperative with the visitation schedule, and we don't know what to do anymore. She informed us she was giving us the 2007 schedule in March of 2006, YES, that far in advance. We asked for it all year, and she never gave it to us. We then created the schedule which was pretty much every other weekend as the agreement states, except that would have conflicted with other provisions, such as Easter weekend which she has, Mother's Day weekend and Father's Day weekend. So, the agreement provides that BF would swap for another weekend in those events. Well, BM recreated the entire schedule based on what works best for her, including claiming to schedule a vacation that conflicted with Father's Day weekend. She then failed to give us any weekends yet for July and August claiming her 8 yr olds social schedule is very busy during this time of year and she'll have to let us know when he can come to visit his BF. Finally, we know she's planning to eventually move to Florida and relocate the child (we live in NJ), so she's trying to build a case to make this possible. At the end of the schedule, she writes, "you continue to fail to stabilize your life and your visitation schedule." WHAT????????????? We are so frustrated at this point, and we are so sick of her CRAP, what can we do? We basically need for her to be more cooperative with us, stop pulling the child out of school for trips to florida, stop telling the child to lie to adults (SM, teacher), and stop feeding child's mind with lies about BF. She also stopped packing clothes for visitation for the past 6 months. BF pays 90% child support -- although BM is not required to pack clothes, at 90% child support, we want to get an order that she should pack the clothes because we provide them. What a royal b*tch, huh?
- BlondieNJ's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Do you have a court order
Do you have a court order for visitation? If not get one! Why does she has the authority to determine the schedule? If she is planning to take him to Florida...you may want to get you case together..gather evidence, affidavits etc. And get your visitation schedule predetermined and set in stone by a court order ASAP.
Yes, we have a court order,
Yes, we have a court order, and it is very loosely written. It just states every other weekend, and then it goes on to talk about holidays. At this stage, I am guessing all that we can do is go with the every other weekend schedule -- making us stick to it and making her stick to it. What a shame she won't put her son's best interest ahead of her vindictiveness and cooperate with slight changes in the schedule so her son can have some time with his father.
Stick To The Papers
Forget the ridiculous schedule. Just go by your court papers, and every other holiday or however its read. Then there's no misunderstanding. There's always going to be some gliches, she's the bm and she'll always have the pull, but going to court usually backfires and will ensure even further hostility from her. Just try and be nice to her and workable, but be firm on following the original order. When the child is older he will decide what he wants to do regardless of BM or dads wishes. In the meantime don't sweat it and live your lives. Theres people on the board that are in and out of court, he did she did and it consumes their lives. All the while hurting the kids even more. Often you come out ahead if you rise above it. Sincerely wishing you good luck!
I'd start asking for the
I'd start asking for the child via email every freaking weekend, regardless of schedule, plans, etc. and then keep a spreadsheet of all dates that you were denied visitation. The more you ask and the more she says no, the better. Keep phone records, emails, everything for court. The have your lawyer file a motion for an order for her to show cause as to why she is denying visitation. The judge will either order her to stick to the visitation schedule or create a new visitation schedule, but in either event, make sure you request that she not relocate the child out of state and that, if she does, she has to pay for travel expenses associated with visiting from such a great distance.
~ Anne ~
I think that every state is
I think that every state is different but I know that in Colorado the parent has to have a REALLY good reason to move the child away from a parent. My ss mom tried to pull this. Lawyer said that unless she was moving for reasons such as work this would not be permitted. And she would have to request to the court not us, to allow such a move. I would find out the laws in your state. As far as visitation I agree with anne!!
Call your attorney
and let them know you haven't had any visitations on either weekends, and document everything. Several years ago, bm did this to us. Since she was being so difficult, attorney specified the exact weekends in each month ss would be with us, no argument. Then one day she decided not to show up. We call attorney, let them know we drove 83 miles one way to not pick up ss on our visit. Our attorney served her papers to appear before the judge to explain why she denied visit. Long story short, she was held in contempt of court, we were given a makeup weekend added in our summer visit, and bm had to pay 2/3rds of our attorney bill for having to take her to court.
In WA the first offense of denying visitations is exactly what was given to us, the second is double the time made up, att. fees, possible jail time, 3rd offense, children can be taken away from custodial parent denying the visits and given to non.
The key is, from my experience is that you have to hire your attorney to hold her in contempt. Also, see if your attorney can get a more specialized visitation plan to spell out "1st and 3rd weekends of each month." When it comes to weekends that fall on holidays...if it is your holiday, then it is your weekend, and the other parent loses that time...one year is advantageous to one parent, and then it switches the next year to benefit the other parent.
Based on my experience, judges really do not like it when cust. parents deny visits. Others might have had different experiences, and I can't tell you what NJ courts will hold for you, but from my experience when a father takes bm to court for denying visits, it is unusual b/c a lot of fathers get the rap of deadbeat, or they just blow off visits...so when a father petitions for contempt b/c he can't see his kids shows a judge that he isn't a deadbeat, and probably isn't wasting money for bogus claims...that is the situation in my state. Only your attorney can really forecast what will happen for you..just know that I had a good experience in this area.
Good luck,
Candice
Get everything in writing
Get everything in writing (and norotized) before she goes to Florida. The Florida courts are really screwed up when it comes to child support and custody. If she files anything in Florida it could really screw you over. I know people who had to wait 10 years (until their children had all turned 18) just to get their divorce finalized b/c the Florida courts are so screwy that they didn't want to have to put up with it.