NEW HERE -- What do i do about this feeling?
New here. I am unsure what to do. Without going into too much background, my DH's SD19 and her husband and SGC2 have been staying with us a month. They live out of state. I hate having them here. Although she isn't as bad as she used to be, e.g. attacking me, totally ignoring me, etc. I can't stand her. I am constantly on edge and have been physically run down and sick for the month. DH doesn't want them to leave. I am counting the days. I can't get passed the way she used to treat me and don't trust her or her husband. I can't imagine what she has told him. I know she will throw me to the wolves the first chance she gets. DH and I got into an argument last night, he says that since I cheated on him two years ago and if he can forgive me for that then i can forgive her for all she has done to me. He is afraid that the SGC2 will grow up not knowing him. Am i horrible for feeling this way? I don't know how to change it. I have no bond with the grandchild and i fear that she is pregnant again. Neither of them have jobs. Thanks for reading.
Try and talk with your DH.
Try and talk with your DH. If you help pay the mortgage and the bills I don't see why you would have a say on what goes on in your home. I feel bad for you a month is TOO long for a house guest. Also try withholding Sex and anything else to make your point. Also it is normal for you not to have a bond with the SGC how can you be expected to if your SD and you have had a bad history maybe over time something can change but not with them imposing on your life and using your home as a crash pad. Weekend visits or a few days for the holidays are different.
OMG....These horrible
OMG....These horrible disrespectful people have been with you a month....even if you enjoyed the persons company - like you were best friends...a month is way too long IMHO.
I would hate it....I really dont know if this would be the right thing to do...but you could start organising the house, meals, outings, etc to include them, in the hope you might enjoy them more....but doubt if that will occur..making plans for them to eat your breakfast, dinner etc, go to the park for a cookout....can sometimes push them around in the style they dont want to be a part of and push them to a decision to leave early....
or you could start doing what my friend used to do....vaccuum in front of them whilst they watch tv, eat, sleep....or turn on the noisy blender often....tell them your now juicing your food, its your latest diet....
Final straw option....walk out the door and tell no one where you are going....hide and think about things and enjoy sometime by yourself...you never know you might enjoy it so much that you leave forever....
Hope it gets better for you.....must be horrible....
Supposedly after
Supposedly after thanksgiving. But i am not holding my breath. it was supposed to be the day after halloween. then another week. now after thanksgiving. was friday. now the sunday. your guess is as good as mine at this point.
and then after the new year.
and then after the new year. Sounds like OP needs to put her foot down. I'm with Echo. Give him a date and if he doesn't stick to it, they go or you go.
thanks. I was horrified that
thanks. I was horrified that he said that. I live every day of my life what i did and to have it thrown in my face like that. It just cut me to the core. I just don't know how to make things right. I have been hiding my tears all day at work. Sometimes i think it would just be easier to start over than to deal with this mess.
Thanks everyone for the support.
OMG I just went back and read
OMG I just went back and read that part
"he says that since I cheated on him two years ago and if he can forgive me for that then i can forgive her for all she has done to me"
wrong wrong wrong.
Now DH is acting like nothing
Now DH is acting like nothing is wrong. Asked me about my day. if it was good. i said no. and he says maybe tomorrow. Came home from work now and he is drunk which seems to be the norm lately.
It was a crummy thing to say
It was a crummy thing to say and he is holding it over your head. Obviously all is not forgiven. Tell DH that if the deadbeats are not gone by the 1st of the year, you're going to start looking for a place. Life is too short to be miserable.
I've walked down that road when SD (27) lived w/us. She was only going to be here until she finished school, and found a job. She finished, pretended to look for work for a year, and did everything in her power to annoy me. Some of her stunts were down right evil. So I know what it feels like to hate being home. Nip this in the bud now and reclaim your place as the woman of your home.
He says if he can forgive you
He says if he can forgive you for cheating on him, then you should be able to forgive his daughter for what she has done to you..Funny that, because clearly he has not forgiven you at all, he is still harbouring a grudge, so you might tell him that as he obviously has not forgiven you, you would expect him to understand why you cannot forgive his daughter. That was a very mean and cruel thing for him to say. I am very sorry he threw that at you. As for houseguests for a month so far, with no end date in sight - that would drive anyone insane. As they say guests are like fish, great at first, but after few days, they stink.
Volunteer at a soup kitchen
Volunteer at a soup kitchen or something worthwhile and actively encourage (pressgang style) THEM to help out too! Let them know that there are people out there who have nothing except the kindness of others.
Tell them that it's how things are at your home, if they leave then you can guess they do not want to do anything to help out and good riddance to them!
DH's eyes do need to be opened to the situation, he really does need to consider a time frame. I'd be letting him know that it's putting a strain on you and that it will be easier to bear knowing they'll be 'back on their feet' by new year. Tell DH that you are willing to help them, you have them in your home, but you are not willing to let them use and abuse your hospitality...it's YOUR home too!