I would first like to say that I hope it's okay for me to post in the Father's Den even though I am a step mom. I honestly just like the way you guys discuss things here, more than I do the other parts of this forum where you get multiple crazy, end-of-the-rope step moms who give pretty bad and emotionally imbalanced advice. So hopefully it's cool with you guys with me being here.

I am the SM of a 7-year-old boy whose BM has finally given my boyfriend primary physical custody. SS stays with us on the weekdays, and visits BM on the weekends. I met SS when he was 3, and the custody agreement was to switch off weekly between homes. That has been very hard on the kid when he started school. BM did not exert any effort to help teach and explain the homework to her son; she just gave him answers when she felt like doing homework with him, other days, she let her younger sister "help" with homework, who does pretty much the same thing as BM. When he is with us, my SO and I are both very active in his homework, teaching him the concept of what he is learning. And once he spends the week at his mom's he forgets everything, and it made him struggle in school. On top of that, every week with no fail, there has been at least one complaint from his teacher regarding his behavior (hitting or being disruptive). It was worse when BM got pregnant, and had SS's sister. BM already exerted no effort towards SS on things that are important, now BM has no effort towards SS on just spending time with him.

BM would call my SO on her weeks with SS, saying that she's had enough, and that she can't handle him anymore, and SS is next to her, hearing all of this, and my SO can hear his son crying in the background. On BM's weeks with him, SS, who was 5 at that time, has already began to refuse to do his homework and cry, refused to go to school, stolen from stores, and had hit his BM and BM's sister because "they were being annoying". SS never got punished by BM. SS has never acted like that in our home ever. Although my SO and I spoke to him about why it's wrong to do those things, it wasn't fair for us to punish him for actions that he has never shown us. It was a very stressful time for the kid and us. BM was expecting my SO to parent SS in both houses.

So like I said, BM finally gave up and let us have him on weekdays. We enrolled my SS in a better elementary school down the street from our house. From the beginning, BM made it clear that she will not be doing any picking up or dropping off to school because she just "can't" do it. My SS has zero complaints from his teacher on anything, and he is now advanced in math (his previously weakest subject). In the beginning couple of weeks of the new custody agreement, my SS missed his mother and baby sister. His BM even had a couple of weekends when she decided to go to Las Vegas, and I had to be the one to explain to her son that he will see her the following weekend, and he was not abandoned. Eventually, he accepted that this was his mother's choice, that it's just easier for her to let us do the parenting, and he can have fun with her on the weekends.

I am so happy just to be able to see him more. There are difficult days, when of course, my pride gets hurt because he speaks about how great his mom is. But I'm an adult, and I can understand what he is feeling. He loves his mom, even though she is okay with not being there for him. Overall, he's a great kid, he listens when he is disciplined, and his attitude is very good. He refers to me as his mom when he talks to his friends and teacher, and there are so many moments that are fulfilling to me as a step parent. I'm so glad to have him here. Hopefully everything will continue smoothly.