"The kids come first" is just a bs line that everyone will support because they don't want to look like the bad guy.

Yes, the kids should come first in many situations. For instance, if everyone is starving or dying of thirst or freezing to death.

The kids should not come first when it comes to authority within the household. Or who gets to use the phone or computer. Adults have obligations and responsibilities which FURNISH THE DANG KIDS WITH FOOD AND WATER AND SHELTER AND BASIC NECESSITIES!

So, that's my take on that. It is a slogan for masses who don't want to think about the situation.

Here is my take on it. If my arm was torn off and hanging by thread and the skids had papercuts, FH would bandage, kiss and cuddle the skids until all of their crocodile tears were dry and then - ONLY then - would he turn to me and see if there was anything he could do for me.

BM drilled the "kids first!!!" message into him HARD and he bought it completely. Triage is not in his vocabulary!

In however many years my child and step child will be grown. All I will have is my spouse. Children may be important but unless they're in danger, the person who promised me death til us part will come first. He will be there long after my kids are gone.

I too live in a household that I could walk in with my arms cut off and it would go unnoticed if one of the kids has a paper cut. Or is just home really. My SO may just be making the 4th snack of the day for SD5 and since the kids come first and I am a grownup I need to just take care of it myself and be happy the kids are being cared for.

I have been told (since I don't have kids) that in a marriage when there are kids involved that the spouses stop caring about each other and only care about the kids. Since she is divorced from their father, I don't think that way of living works. But she says when I come home, she doesn't want to hear about how my day was or what I want for dinner that night (I cook), if we aren't going to center all of our conversation around the kids, she doesn't think we should talk until they go to bed.

They have control of the TV, computer, telephone. kitchen and all table surfaces in the house until they go to bed.

None of this is a deal breaker for me. I am independent. I have a high demand job that I absolutely love.

I just ask that she doesn't judge me for choosing to do something different with friends every once in a while or even by myself instead of never getting my needs met by anyone.

I felt the SAME exact way as you all - up until last week; DH snapped out of it and has stood by my side and told Princess SD14 to stop her sh** and that not one single person feels sorry for her!! Love it!!! I think the "reason" why kids act the way they do is because they were always but first.....no matter what.

I think there's a BIG difference between authority and verbally abusing a child. If this guy is in fact calling his stepson names, then that is verbal abuse. You better believe I would kick my husband to the curb if he were abusing my kids.

In return, I would never respect a man that didn't do the same. Sometimes it really isn't about WHO COMES FIRST.

I just watched the show, and I usually agree with Dr Phil but not in this case. The SS was 23, a high school dropout, no job, lived in a disgusting basement and peed in bottles he left laying around everywhere bc he was too lazy to walk upstairs to go to the bathroom. Dr Phil barely said anything to him, other than throw a pity party for him and jumped all over the SF bc he called him "lazy" and a "loser", and said basically it was the SF's fault that this adult SS was about as productive as a slug.

Umm to me the SF summed up the description of his SS perfectly. My parents are together and if I had done the crap SS was doing I would have been kicked out on my butt!

I watched the show and was just so confused...

1. Stepdad didn't use any names that didn't describe the lazy bum.
2. I guess the kid dropped out of high school. Who does this? Like..if my kid came to me and said hey I'm dropping out of high school...my response is NOT going to be, "Oh that's fine - just get a full-time job"...

3. BM acted like her husband (stepfather) was only to blame...she was like "we are on the verge on a divorce" blah blah...LADY - it's YOUR kid who didn't seem to give a sh*t about anything...

4. Stepdad clearly expressed what the issue was...stepson was DESTROYING the basement...p*ssing in the drain in the stairwell outside...had NO job....and his biggest concern was the fact taht he and HIS wife could not have a life of their own and move on....

5. Dr. Phil of course- once again gives no sympathy to what the step has to put up with...

I guess the thing is...STEPS are not supposed to feel anything...or be allowed to have opinions..or have any control over any situation...or God forbid want to spend one on one alone time with their spouse oh yeah and the most important part...claim everything as their fault.