My bkids love their older steps and their BM. The whole situation with them is just really good and healthy. My bkids hate their SD12 and her BM because of all PAS that has gone on and the destruction SD12 has caused. SD12 has two brothers, one has adhd and aspergers syndrome, which on some days can be a little draining on all of us. But all in all they like the boys.
My SS is 23 and my DS is almost 4 - DS adores SS when SS can be bothered to come around. He's been over maybe 3 times this year, but SS has only seen him 1 time since Christmas. My DD who just turned 1 doesn't even know who he is and basically stayed away from him.
My DH thinks it's great but doesn't realize that then I have to deal with the fallout for days after with DS asking when he's going to see SS again and why doesn't he come back.
My BDs are 29 and 27, they both live 2/3 hours drive away. Because of the huge CS DH pays to BM, we live in a small house, and there is not room for my girls and their respective husband/boyfriend to stay while the SDs are staying. Consequently, they virtually never see each other. They did when we got married 2 years ago, I think this was the last time.
My bios are a bit bemused by the SDs, they find them spoiled, high maintenance and a bit peculiar, but have not seen enough of them to dislike them. My daughters are quiet, hard working, sensible young women - the elder one is a mum to a 1 year old. I have no idea what the SDs make of my daughters.
The SDs refer to their mother's so-called fiance's sons as their "brothers". I don't think they refer to my bios as their sisters. At least I hope not.
Dd 11 thinks the world stops when SD (1/2 sibs) walks in the door.
The year or two after she graduated high school they saw each other 4 times a year. This year they've seen each other a little more. Ss still comes over for a portion of his weekend she loves him now that he quit hitting her. There was a 6 month period she made ex charade to go to my moms house for the weekend.
Dd18 has more of an issue and is guarded with SD. But the manipulation that SD did involved older Dd and destroying the relatlionship between my two Dds
I love my ssibs. But I probably didn't give a crappy about them as a teen.
My DD will absolutely positively have nothing to do with my SK's. They're all teens now, my DD being a few years younger than my SS's. When we first became "one big happy family" (snort) and my DD started going to the same school as my SS's, the SS's and their friends, then subsequently many others started calling my DD HORRIBLE HORRIBLE names in the classroom, hallways, recesses; so not only was she in a new state, new school, but was in a school where it seemed everyone was making fun of her. It got so bad that we were asked to come to school to talk with the principal and some of my DD's teachers. It was an absolutely horrible time in my DD's life, and I don't think she'll ever forget it. I know I'll never forgive those little idgets for it.
She also won't have anything to do with them because of their behaviors here -- spoiled, entitled, etc. In previous years, they LOVED to get my DS and DD in trouble, blaming everything that happened on them although interestingly the other 5 days of the week my DS and DD were here and SK's weren't, nothing ever seemed to happen... If my DH or I corrected my DS or DD on something, the SK's would turn around and do the VERY SAME THING, just to see if they could get away with it. If either of us said something to them, they would call their mom and say we weren't treating them "fairly" and she'd feel the need to stick her nose in where it didn't belong.
My DS used to worship the ground the SK's walked on. Until he figured out he was just basically their pawn and they started becoming rather mean to him. He has also distanced himself from them, although he doesn't completely avoid them like my DD.
I do feel badly (fleetingly) that my kids and SK's will have nothing to do with each other, however my DD (who is wise beyond her years) takes the attitude that these kids aren't ones she would seek out and become friends with at school because of the way they act. She is never rude to them, she just chooses to avoid them at all costs. And as I said, my DS got tired of always the one getting in trouble, listening to them talk badly about me (my DS learned ALL SORTS of new words from them....)and all around didn't like their behaviors.
And I'm OK with the choices my children have made.
My BS's are a little too young to really bother with SD14 - but my BD12 - does not like SD at all! She is nice to her for fear that SD will make fun of her and make her cry and that DH will be mean to BD if anyone dare not adore SD! it is pathetic
I would have to say mostly my kids are indifferent to ss13. We have been blended since the kids were very small and they grew up together. However ss13 moved out about 4 years ago. My two oldest are his stepsiblings and my youngest is his halfsib. My kids mostly avoid him if he is here. He has made it clear that he does not like his sibs (any of them including the ones at bm's)-he has point blank said many times since he was a small child that he should have been an only child. He states that he just feels as if he does not like his sibs.
He is very jealous and very competitive and I think this is why he doesnt have a close relationship with any of his sibs. He is now living with mil and his 10 year old cousin lives there as well and now he is having problems with her already after living there for less than 2 months.
My dd9 is probably the only one that will give ss the time of day. I dont think it truly has anything to do with him being her 1/2 vs step, but rather just her age. She is more forgiving and more tolerant and has not yet learned that ss is completely toxic. She is able to see the toxicity some of the time, I just dont think she can comprehend that that is always the way he is. If he visits-she may engage with him and hang out intially, but the end of the visit she is asking when he is leaving and if he has to come back.
My BD14 really dislikes SS14 and I can't say that I blame her! She is quite aware of the double standard that goes on in our house. She sees SS14 get away with so much!
There was a time that lasted about 30 days where they actually talked to each other and had a good time. SS14 ruined it by lying about something BD14 didn't do and its been downhill ever since!
This is a really interesting thread. DH and I are going to try to get pregnant soon and this is my biggest concern. I am extremely worried that BM will try to screw up our lives by convincing SS5 and SS2 to hate our child. DH is extremely optimistic and thinks we will be able to correct it by making sure the kids are respectful toward each other while at our house, but I think it is a bit more complex than that.
I'd love to see some examples of the ways Steps have controlled these situations to keep the kids from being mean to each other.
My bkids love their older
My bkids love their older steps and their BM. The whole situation with them is just really good and healthy. My bkids hate their SD12 and her BM because of all PAS that has gone on and the destruction SD12 has caused. SD12 has two brothers, one has adhd and aspergers syndrome, which on some days can be a little draining on all of us. But all in all they like the boys.
Basically we are a mixed bag
My SS is 23 and my DS is
My SS is 23 and my DS is almost 4 - DS adores SS when SS can be bothered to come around. He's been over maybe 3 times this year, but SS has only seen him 1 time since Christmas. My DD who just turned 1 doesn't even know who he is and basically stayed away from him.
My DH thinks it's great but doesn't realize that then I have to deal with the fallout for days after with DS asking when he's going to see SS again and why doesn't he come back.
My BDs are 29 and 27, they
My BDs are 29 and 27, they both live 2/3 hours drive away. Because of the huge CS DH pays to BM, we live in a small house, and there is not room for my girls and their respective husband/boyfriend to stay while the SDs are staying. Consequently, they virtually never see each other. They did when we got married 2 years ago, I think this was the last time.
My bios are a bit bemused by the SDs, they find them spoiled, high maintenance and a bit peculiar, but have not seen enough of them to dislike them. My daughters are quiet, hard working, sensible young women - the elder one is a mum to a 1 year old. I have no idea what the SDs make of my daughters.
The SDs refer to their mother's so-called fiance's sons as their "brothers". I don't think they refer to my bios as their sisters. At least I hope not.
Dd 11 thinks the world stops
Dd 11 thinks the world stops when SD (1/2 sibs) walks in the door.
The year or two after she graduated high school they saw each other 4 times a year. This year they've seen each other a little more. Ss still comes over for a portion of his weekend she loves him now that he quit hitting her. There was a 6 month period she made ex charade to go to my moms house for the weekend.
Dd18 has more of an issue and is guarded with SD. But the manipulation that SD did involved older Dd and destroying the relatlionship between my two Dds
I love my ssibs. But I probably didn't give a crappy about them as a teen.
My DD will absolutely
My DD will absolutely positively have nothing to do with my SK's. They're all teens now, my DD being a few years younger than my SS's. When we first became "one big happy family" (snort) and my DD started going to the same school as my SS's, the SS's and their friends, then subsequently many others started calling my DD HORRIBLE HORRIBLE names in the classroom, hallways, recesses; so not only was she in a new state, new school, but was in a school where it seemed everyone was making fun of her. It got so bad that we were asked to come to school to talk with the principal and some of my DD's teachers. It was an absolutely horrible time in my DD's life, and I don't think she'll ever forget it. I know I'll never forgive those little idgets for it.
She also won't have anything to do with them because of their behaviors here -- spoiled, entitled, etc. In previous years, they LOVED to get my DS and DD in trouble, blaming everything that happened on them although interestingly the other 5 days of the week my DS and DD were here and SK's weren't, nothing ever seemed to happen... If my DH or I corrected my DS or DD on something, the SK's would turn around and do the VERY SAME THING, just to see if they could get away with it. If either of us said something to them, they would call their mom and say we weren't treating them "fairly" and she'd feel the need to stick her nose in where it didn't belong.
My DS used to worship the ground the SK's walked on. Until he figured out he was just basically their pawn and they started becoming rather mean to him. He has also distanced himself from them, although he doesn't completely avoid them like my DD.
I do feel badly (fleetingly) that my kids and SK's will have nothing to do with each other, however my DD (who is wise beyond her years) takes the attitude that these kids aren't ones she would seek out and become friends with at school because of the way they act. She is never rude to them, she just chooses to avoid them at all costs. And as I said, my DS got tired of always the one getting in trouble, listening to them talk badly about me (my DS learned ALL SORTS of new words from them....)and all around didn't like their behaviors.
And I'm OK with the choices my children have made.
My BS's are a little too
My BS's are a little too young to really bother with SD14 - but my BD12 - does not like SD at all! She is nice to her for fear that SD will make fun of her and make her cry and that DH will be mean to BD if anyone dare not adore SD! it is pathetic
I would have to say mostly my
I would have to say mostly my kids are indifferent to ss13. We have been blended since the kids were very small and they grew up together. However ss13 moved out about 4 years ago. My two oldest are his stepsiblings and my youngest is his halfsib. My kids mostly avoid him if he is here. He has made it clear that he does not like his sibs (any of them including the ones at bm's)-he has point blank said many times since he was a small child that he should have been an only child. He states that he just feels as if he does not like his sibs.
He is very jealous and very competitive and I think this is why he doesnt have a close relationship with any of his sibs. He is now living with mil and his 10 year old cousin lives there as well and now he is having problems with her already after living there for less than 2 months.
My dd9 is probably the only one that will give ss the time of day. I dont think it truly has anything to do with him being her 1/2 vs step, but rather just her age. She is more forgiving and more tolerant and has not yet learned that ss is completely toxic. She is able to see the toxicity some of the time, I just dont think she can comprehend that that is always the way he is. If he visits-she may engage with him and hang out intially, but the end of the visit she is asking when he is leaving and if he has to come back.
My BD14 really dislikes SS14
My BD14 really dislikes SS14 and I can't say that I blame her! She is quite aware of the double standard that goes on in our house. She sees SS14 get away with so much!
There was a time that lasted about 30 days where they actually talked to each other and had a good time. SS14 ruined it by lying about something BD14 didn't do and its been downhill ever since!
This is a really interesting
This is a really interesting thread. DH and I are going to try to get pregnant soon and this is my biggest concern. I am extremely worried that BM will try to screw up our lives by convincing SS5 and SS2 to hate our child. DH is extremely optimistic and thinks we will be able to correct it by making sure the kids are respectful toward each other while at our house, but I think it is a bit more complex than that.
I'd love to see some examples of the ways Steps have controlled these situations to keep the kids from being mean to each other.