Step father raising step son, bio mom died. SS wants no part of being in the family.
I have a frustrating situation. I cam currently raising my step son(15) and bio daughter(9) alone. My wife died in Jan. '09. She was SS's bio mother and we married when he was 3. Before she died we were already having problems with him dabbling in weed, girls etc (at 12 yrs old!). Since she died he has completely changed, has been arrested for smoking weed at school. I've also found him trying to buy a gun, selling weed, having sex in my house, lying constantly to everyone, threatoning his 9 yr old sister if she tells me anyting, and so much more....
I nearly sent him to live with my in-laws last year but realized they wouldn't be any help as they enable him every chance they get. (they covered up a felony burglery he commited on spring break with them). I've had it but I don't know what to do about it. Legally, I'm his father. Personaly, he wants nothing to do with me, "my" rules, etc. He's told me he doesn't see me as his father and at times I have actually feared for my as well as my daughters safety.
I taught him to throw, to ride a bike, was his little league coach, etc etc... he doesn't have any memories without me in them. Yet he has rejected his past and has turned into someone none of us recognize. Problem 2 is that he is black (bi-racial) where his mother and I and sister are white. So what right? It matters to him a lot apparently and he's sold out to the "gansta" lifestyle. Sex, drugs and money. I love the kid, but I don't love who he has convinced himself he should be. And I can't allow his influences around his sister in this house anymore. Just don't know what to do...
I think you have to remove
I think you have to remove him from negative outside influences. Transfer him to a different school and just keep close tabs on who he is hanging out with. Also, I think scare tactics may not hurt - look up the statistics (or make them up) about females in your county who are in his age bracket have HIV. My county health website actually has it broken down by high school.
As far as being a cool gangsta....make him realize it only takes one bullet to paralyze him. I don't think the idea of death will scare him right now, so telling him he will be crippled is probably going to pack a bigger punch. Tell him when he is paralyzed, he will likely develop bedsores, may need a feeding tube, a colostomy, etc. What women will want a man like that??
Can you call your local jailhouse or state prison and see if they offer tours or an overnight stay. My county will take a troubled teen in for 2 nights if the parents request it and are willing to pay a fee to cover the costs. They also have to sign a waiver that the county is not responsible for anything that happens to the teen whist there (fights, illness).