Step-Kids have NO Discipline - Drives me insane!! Help!!
Okay, I REALLY need some GOOD advice...
It is SO obvious that my two step-kids (boy 12 and girl 10) manipulate their father, lie and are badly in need of some discipline but my husband (their father) just doesn't see it??? Not sure I can handle the disrespect and destruction of my home any longer! Any advice...?
Examples:
Scene: Painter is coming tomorrow to sand & stain our staircase. My husband was the one who set everything up with the painter but his kids were demanding his attention (as always!) and he announced he was going to spend time with his kids instead. To make matters worse, my husband pushed the painter to do it quickly but conveniently won't be here tomorrow when he arrives and is refusing to call him to cancel himself. When I reminded him that he commited to doing this, he angrily started fixing them. Then his 12 year old son walked by and grabbed the banister and purposely pulled on it really hard. My husband yelled (well, more like slightly raised his voice) "Why did you do that??" My step-son screamed so rudely back at him "Holy shit (yes, he said shit), it was an accident, take a pill" Then my husband apologized to him???.....and started screaming at me that he's not fixing it because it will just get destroyed again by MY kids??? I tried calming him down by reassuring him that I will not allow ANY of the kids to do this (although we both know that his kids are told every day to stop pulling on the railing) and that I will implement a consequence if it happens. He then says, "You're not punishing my kids!"....???
My step-son is notorious for losing EVERYTHING and it has cost us a lot of money over the years because he's never made accoutable. He's not reprimanded in the least and it's never his fault. This past week alone he's lost an expensive brand name sweatshirt and ball cap that we just bought him, his key to his locker (that he HAD to have even though I mentioned it might not be a good idea), his $150 hockey stick and his bike helmet. He's going to a friend's house and wants to borrow my son's video game (rare game that was very hard to find). I tell him, "You've lost many things this week so I have to say no". He curses at me and screams at me. His father overrides me and let's him take the game. I'm furious but we have friends over so I don't make a scene (yes, friends over while his son curses and screams at me in front of them). Can you guess?? He doesn't bring the game back. My husband says NOTHING to him and warns me not to either. The next day my husband brings him back to the friend's house to pick up the game. As they are leaving, I tell my step-son that he is to return the game immediately and that he is not allowed to borrow it again. My husband then let's him stay at the friend's for the afternoon to play the game then brings the game back and his son is allowed to play it until he leaves to go back to his mother's...???
We pay the children an allowance to do certain chores. His children are excused from chore duty 80% of the time while my son does his chores. Money is still doled out to his children on chore payday and when I protest, he gives it to them secretly and they tell my son with a smirk. My son does his chores and theirs most of the time so I tried giving him the extra chore money this week and my husband exploded with anger and then gave his kids MORE money....
His children get taken out for lunch every day by their mother during the week they are at our house. I ran out of lunch making supplies and told my son this morning that I would pick him up for lunch (which I never do). This caused his kids to scream about how unfair I am which in turn caused my husband to scream at me too and offer to take them (only them) to their favourite fast food place for supper to make up for it???
My step-son will not close the shower curtain when he showers. Water pours out of the shower and onto the floor and has ruined our bathroom. We just had it all repaired and his son is STILL doing this. One of his friend's saw the water damage and said, "I think you have a leaky pipe. Your new bathroom drywall and baseboard is sopping wet". My husband answered, "No, my son (who is 12 1/2) leaves the shower curtain open". His friend told him, "That's nuts! As if you let him ruin your new bathroom". My husband then got defensive and told him, "Well, her son is worse because he leaves the empty toilet paper roll in the bathroom all the time".....??? Really....quite comparable, isn't it....???
This is what I deal with on a daily basis. Advice welcome although please don't tell me that I need to assert myself more. I've tried but he just overrides me....
Take your son and run away, I
Take your son and run away, I hate to say this but this isn't fair to your child. It sounds like he is downright mean to your child and allows his kids to be as well, is that fair to your son? No, its your job to protect your child and it sounds like you either need to just stand up and put your foot down or if you can't do that walk away now and give your son a fair life.
Your husband SCREAMS at you
Your husband SCREAMS at you in front of your SKIDS in support of them???? I find it hard to believe that anyone would be able to tolerate this.
Your husband is sabotaging your attempts to be a good, consistent parent, all the way down the line. If you feel unable to assert yourself I suggest you find you and your son somewhere else to live, because your husband is creating a very negative and toxic enviroment for everyone, and giving all the children a TERRIBLE example of an adult relationship in which he bullies and undermines you constantly. His children are growing up just like him because he is training them to disrespect you. I do not usually respond to a post in such an unequivocal manner, but I feel that it is manifestly clear that the only course of action where you and your son are going to have any peace and happiness is without your husband and his two little sidekicks.
Yes .. been there done that
Yes .. been there done that .. read my post under "step daughter got drunk and trashed boat" .. it all started exact same way when they were 10 .. at 16/17 this is how it ends up.
My step kids where always terrible mannered.. Should I say NO manners .. Daddy kept excusing it over and over making excuses..daddy @ss kissing them so they were happy ... I kepted warning againist this treatment but daddy had guilt because BM always bad mouthed him so kiss their @ss to make up for it.
7 years later SD is trashing our boat in drunken rage and punching me in face .. that is how kids treated with no discipline end up.
RUN!!!
It's not uncommon for parents
It's not uncommon for parents and stepparents to have different perspectives on discipline but from what you describe your husband is consistently unfair and employing a double standard which is going to cause increasing problems for you and all the children as they get older. It is also completely unacceptable for your husband to be loud and aggressive towards you, especially in front of the children. A lot of people have rows behind closed doors about parenting/stepparenting issues but it is another thing altogether to undermine and belittle you in front of his children. That is bullying. He doesn't sound like the kind of man who is going to be up for counselling either.
You sound like a patient, reasonable person who has tried to address things by being as fair as possible yourself and explaining and justifying things to your husband, but there comes a point where you have to stop talking and start acting. Your husband does not respect you. The longer you tolerate his shouting and unfairness the less respect you will receive. I would advise you to get counselling yourself to bolster your self esteem and help you determine your feelings about your relationship, and to begin making practical plans to detach yourself from him should it become necessary. This may give you more confidence in your dealings with him. If your husband begins shouting or displaying the kind of unpleasant behaviour you describe, don't engage with him, turn your back and walk away. You have to demonstrate that you will not tolerate him behaving like that towards you. If he tries to pursue it just choose a clear statement to reiterate "It is not OK to shout at me. I will not discuss this until you calm down" and remove yourself again. I am trying to give the most constructive advice I can but I feel very angry on your behalf and like the previous posters I fear that you may have to actually leave this man in order to regain control over your home and your life.
I agree with all the posters.
I agree with all the posters. This is not the example of an adult you want your son to emulate. Your husband is a bully. I dated a man once who bullied me. One day he came right out and said, "I don't respect you". :jawdrop: Yeah, I was shocked until I thought about it...I gave him no reason to respect me. I gave in so I wouldn't have to listen to him. I agreed with things I don't agree with, I apologized when it wasn't my fault. I talked to a therapist and she said 7 words that changed my life: WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US. I got my act together and got a backbone. Bullies really change their tune when you start respecting yourself. The thing that worked best for me was ignoring his rants. We did not live together so I ignored his phone calls, hung up on him when he was nasty if I did talk to him, etc. Eventually I was strong enough to say bye bye.
I know the situation is different in that you're married and live together, but you still need to respect yourself and protect your son. You don't have to have screaming matches. That would be counter-productive. Ignore him. I've found that works almost EVERY time. They HATE being ignored. Like Bojangles said, just turn and walk away.
I hope you can remove yourself from this situation. It is unhealthy for you and your son. Good luck and keep us updated!
Your husband has turned this
Your husband has turned this into a me and my kids against you and your kids situation. There doesn't seem to be anything as a unitied couple raising a family. Your husbands "rules" only apply to his game and are easily manipulated when he feels he needs to change the rules to "win" the object of the game. He's trying to win the battles and doesn't see how the war will end.
The war may end with his children being a problem in his life and he'll be doing it all by himself...alone.
No one wants to end a marriage but do you think this is healthy for your son and yourself? If I were in your situation, I would try a separation and counceling but if that doesn't work I would divorce him.
When I first started reading
When I first started reading your post I thought, 'this will be good-betch this womans issues aint as bad as mine'
Well I can honestly say that you have it worse than me....and I couldnt stay in that house with all that going on.
I think you need to ask yourself what is it your really want? This DH and all these issues, or could life be nicer & more comfortable without him?
I think you could grow more confident and become a much more beautiful person without him....but I dont know all the details
wot I do know is:-
The things you write about seem to suggest to me that your being taken advantage of....thats not fair....If a man truly loves you, he will wanna be with you, not subject you to this crap....most skids are horrible but the scenes you describe sound like your the housecleaner...not the wife and loving mother....
Hope you find peace and harmony no matter wot you decide
Whoa!! My first question
Whoa!!
My first question would be how does he treat you and your son when his kids are not around?
If it is much the same, then I would have to say you've got an uphill battle on your hands as far as his personality goes and it will most likely get worse, not better as the skids get older.
I would say go now, save yourself the nervous breakdown.
If he is more calm and rational, then, yes, he's definitely suffering form "guilty dad syndrome". Unfortunately at your and your son's expense and he doesn't want to and won't get it.
Obviously there's a lot more to it. You have asked "us" not to say for you to assert yourself more. If you are in a position to leave (even temporarily), I would. Or the next time skids come, take your son and stay away for the time they are there. Let him know you mean business by what you do, not what you say.
I don't know what to say other than there's a hard way and a less hard way. Only you know what way that will be.
Keep us posted,
Smiles to you x
Thank you, everyone, for your
Thank you, everyone, for your advice. I'd like to comment individually on a lot of this but I'm just leaving for work and don't have much time to write right now.
Suffice to say, you are all right. Thinking...it wasn't until I read your comments that I realize just how much you are right. I'm a non-confrontational person and I absolutely hate conflict so I have been trying to pacify more than stand up for myself. It's so funny....I own a company and I deal with my employees on a daily basis so I know I'm capable of asserting myself when necessary but my husband is very different. The least little thing can send him into a rage which has a tornado effect, destroying everything and everyone in his path.
Someone asked, "Do I love him?" Good question. I honestly don't know anymore. I don't love the daily outbursts; that's for sure. Would I feel differently if he changed this behaviour? Likely but....I can't control the behaviour so I can't rely on it changing.
This may sound like a very stupid question but....if I try to assert myself more as a last ditch effort, what do I do? (keeping in mind that any attempts to do so in the past usually result in him underminding me; examples above).
Alison
Your description of his rages
Your description of his rages over petty things reminds me of a man I used to work with and had the misfortune to manage for a while. He had been at the company a long time and was fundamentally insecure, so any time he was challenged, even very mildly, over a decision he had made or work he had produced he would fly off the handle. He had got away with it for a long time because he had specialist knowledge, the company didn't want to loose him, and the automatic response of most colleagues was shock and to try to placate him, because most of us don't like confrontation and aggression and avoid it. The first couple of times he got ratty with me I let it ride for those very reasons, but when he had a total outburst in a meeting I told him his behaviour was unacceptable, left the meeting and lodged a complaint with HR. He was extremely contrite afterwards, that's not to say he was calm and placid afterwards but he never lost it to that degree with me again.
I would say that asserting yourself does not necessarily mean being angry, confrontational or aggressive, it can mean being calm, direct and refusing to be drawn in. Calmly telling someone that their behaviour is unacceptable and walking away is assertive. It sets boundaries and is a very effective way of taking the wind out of their sails - like the old saying 'speak quietly and carry a big stick'. Your husband sounds like a child who has been allowed to get away with negative behaviour and now thinks it is acceptable and that he can is achieving something that way. What you would do with a child is remove attention and ensure they do not get their own way because of that behaviour, it's much more difficult with an aggressive adult, but essentially I think stating your position calmly, and then removing attention by removing yourself is the only solution.
During a calm time you could try sitting down with him and explaining that your home seems to have deteriorated into an us and them environment, that you want to fix that with him so you have a happy home for all your children, but that you can't do that unless you are both able to discuss things in a reasonable way, and that can't happen unless he can control his temper. Does he behave that way with colleagues, or customers, or other family members? If not then why does he think it's OK to behave that way with you, and what example does it set for the children? Focus on the key message you want to get across about the problem with your relationship and his behaviour and try to stick to that so that's the message he goes away with, and not get drawn into details and reruns of previous arguments. YOu could try writing it in an email so he can read and consider it, I often prefer that because I can hone my arguments and present them clearly without getting distracted.
I would say that asserting
I would say that asserting yourself does not necessarily mean being angry, confrontational or aggressive, it can mean being calm, direct and refusing to be drawn in. Calmly telling someone that their behaviour is unacceptable and walking away is assertive. It sets boundaries and is a very effective way of taking the wind out of their sails - like the old saying 'speak quietly and carry a big stick'.
I totally agree with this. If you rant and rave and scream, it will only escalate the situation. In a screaming match, nobody is listening. I think calm but firm...make sure he knows you mean business...is the best approach. You have to be willing to walk away and not say another word, though.
How about using the personal
How about using the personal approach....
For example..in business if we get a customer who is ranting and raving we are told to isolate them from the rest of the world then say things like:
(bring it back to me and how you feel)
I suggest saying, Im really dissapointed in the way you and Skids are behaving towards me and it makes me feel sad and upset.
Describe to him a situation but provide him with the exact details of how it made you feel...how you wanted to react, how you have covered up that reaction but how its now just eating away at you and now you dont know wot to do?
Let him know that you dont think you can go on for much longer like this and just check somehow if he wants to actually keep you and him going?
maybe he is wanting out? Dont stay around if thats the case....YOur son needs a good father figure and he needs to look up to you as the strong woman no the weak one....
good luck...let me know how you went
I would tell him exactly what
I would tell him exactly what you have told us.
"Someone asked, "Do I love him?" Good question. I honestly don't know anymore. I don't love the daily outbursts; that's for sure. Would I feel differently if he changed this behaviour? Likely but....I can't control the behaviour so I can't rely on it changing."
I think many of us here that have actually been able to get our SOs or DHs to listen to us and take us seriously finally just laid it all out for them and told them I will not live like this.
My SO used to get defensive with me whenever I talked about how his kids had problems. But after a while we were able to communicate a lot better about it. Granted he would never yell at me or let the kids yell at me. He did undermind me in front of them, which did cause issues with the kids not respecting me. He would tell me that I didn't know what it was like to only have your kids half the year.
I finally told him that he made the choice to get a divorce. That divorce came with consequences. But he made the best choice he could have for his kids. His ex was very emotionally and verbally abusive towards him and very controlling and the kids were seeing this. I told him that if he didn't choose to get the divorce his son probably would have gone out and put himself in the exact same type of relationships where he was being abused by a women because that's all he would have ever known and his daughter would have been the abuser in her relationships. (We are already dealing with some very bad behavior issues with her at the moment.) I also explained to him that his kids aren't going to be around forever. Eventually they will grow up and move out and I'm not willing to wait until they're 18 so that I can have my time with him. He got the point pretty fast and things have changed for the better.
Okay, I tried to assert
Okay, I tried to assert myself; not sure it's working...
Bear with me as I have to give some history first (I'll try to keep it to the Reader's Digest version). This is an ongoing battle for the last year now.
I have an office at home because I often work at night to meet deadlines. In this office, there are two computers; one that I use for work and another that I brought home from my office for the kids to use for homework and some surfing. Initially, I allowed the kids to use my computer if someone was on the other one but I had rules. Video games are to be played on your X-Box, PS3, Gameboys etc (yes, they have them all). The only games allowed on the computers must be educational (math games, cognitive thinking games like puzzles etc). I also allow Facebook and MSN Messenger. His kids are constantly breaking the rules; surfing where they shouldn't and I'm having to remove downloaded games which cause adware, viruses etc. They complained the other computer had no speakers; I bought some. They still constantly use mine because they have downloaded so much junk on theirs that it freezes and runs slow. I have cleaned their computer out MANY times so it runs perfectly again but they just keep downloading or surfing where they shouldn't. Although I try to police this, I have no support from my husband and they just do as they please.
To end these battles about nine months ago, I suggested the kids save their allowance money and we would contribute the remainder as a birthday gift to buy them each their own laptops. My son saved his money. His kids didn't although I had many battles with them to save their money. Birthdays recently came and went and they wanted clothes, a bike etc. and said they did not want a laptop. My son received his laptop for his birthday amongst his kid's complaints while (yes, WHILE) he was opening his gift, "It's not fair! Why does he get a laptop and not us??"
So the BIG war begins...
I tried asserting myself by not cleaning their computer out last week. My husband cursed and swore at the condition of the computer in ONE WEEK (as he uses it to surf also) but STILL won't enforce the rules with his kids. Instead, he took over my computer, screaming at me when I said I would like to use it. When I tried to force the issue, he smashed the mouse repeatedly on the desk until he broke it.
I'm not proud to say this but I didn't want the whole computer broken so I ended up cleaning out the other computer again. But...I put my foot down (or tried to!) this week and said the kids couldn't use my computer anymore and MUST use the designated 'kid's computer' only.
So......I was proof-reading a court transcript and left the court player (recording) up on my screen. It was late, everyone was in bed sleeping. The next morning, I went back to my computer to continue working and the player was closed. Hard to explain but this is a very long recording. If you close the player, I've lost my place and it takes 20 to 30 minutes to find the exact spot where I left off to continue proof-reading the transcript. Of course I was not happy. I asked, "Who closed my court player?" Of course, no one had. So I checked my computer history. It showed my history from the night before and then nothing until someone checked the weather network just before I got into my office. So again, I asked, "Who checked the weather network this morning?" My step daughter then admitted she had "but I didn't close your player!!", she screamed. I replied, "You need to lower her voice and stop screaming at me. She continued to scream, "You're blaming me! You're blaming me!" over me as I tried to say, "You might have done it accidently" and explain that it was important not to touch my computer when there was work up on it and that she should use the other computer". She continued screaming not even listening to a word I said; screaming that the other computer was too slow while I repeatedly told her to lower her voice, speak to me with respect and also told her that I had cleaned the other computer out YET AGAIN, so the speed is back up. Her father comes down, asks what is going on so I tell him explaining that I needed her not to touch my work computer when I had work up on it. He screamed back that he was going out to buy them a computer today (using our money). I put my foot down and told him I was NOT paying for a computer.
It has been A LIVING HELL to be around them ever since but he didn't come home with a computer. I told him this morning that it's either I am respected by his children....or...I want a divorce.
He angrily told me to go ahead but then made his son pick up his clothes for the first time ever. Not sure what to make of it. I guess time will tell. Now I'm just wondering how I make good on this promise to leave if I'm disrespected again since we own the house but I pay all the bills (he just started a new job). If I leave, he won't be able to pay for the house and a foreclosure would ruin my credit. He will not leave; of that I'm certain...
Just start planning an exit.
Just start planning an exit. Just in case.
You'll figure it out. AND Don't back down. He's being a baby. Mine did the same thing. threw a tantrum when I demanded he parent his children or we split.
They are large babies!!!!! He looked for apts and everything. Then turns around and says, i guess you are right. HA!
Let him have his tantrum, but don't back down. If you do, then his tantrums work and he will keep it up.
This update on your post
This update on your post really shows the extent to which his children are modelling his behaviour in terms of aggression and lack of control. I suspect you face an impossible battle trying to correct the behaviour of all 3 of them when it is so entrenched, the children's behaviour alone would be hard to change even if you did have the support of their father. Breaking the mouse is a dangerous sign of physical as well as verbal aggression and that's really quite worrying. I really don't know how you have put up with this behaviour from him and his children for so long.
Well done on telling your husband where you stand, it obviously had some effect but you really need to arm yourself with the information necessary for you to implement your threat, because this really does seem last ditch and he needs to know you mean it. I think you urgently need to seek legal advice so you know where you stand regarding the house. Also start to separate your finances, if you have joint accounts transfer your money out of them into your own accounts except for the minimum needed for your share of mortgage and bills.
In terms of the actual computing issue I would password protect your work computer and your sons laptop and refuse under any circumstances to allow them to be used by your step children no matter how loud they shout. You have been more than fair in providing another computer, and they have repeatedly demonstrated that they cannot use yours responsibly. Lock down their computer to prevent them having the user privileges to install anything, so they have to ask you if they want to install anything. Stand your ground and refuse to be baited, if they scream at you tell them their behaviour is unacceptable and underlines the reason why they they do not deserve to use your equipment, and walk away leaving them to have their tantrum alone. Do not justify and do not explain. Back up all your data. If your husband threatens to damage your computer again let him, he is just trying to bully you. Right now I would say you have extensive grounds for divorce on the basis of his unreasonable behaviour, and you should begin documenting these sorts of incidents. Above all get legal advice and counselling, your need and deserve some help, and so does your son. Sending you hugs and best wishes, good luck.
I agree with all the advice
I agree with all the advice you've been given. I also have a home office and everyone respects that it's my office and they don't touch anything in it. I'd remove the kids computer from your work space and put a lock on the door, password your computer, etc. Clearly, these kids have no boundaries or respect. You have every right to set boundaries and to them and protect them.
Your DH sounds like either a big baby or a bully. Neither are admirable qualities but, in my experience, can be handled differently. If he's a big baby he'll raise big babies and not see an issue with it and is making you the bad guy. Is he open to counseling? If not, I'm afraid you are in a hopeless situation. My ex-h was a big baby and perfectly fine with it until I left and stop taking care of him (e.g. Paying the bills and solving his problems when he was irresponsible). I hear he's been in therapy since I left two years ago. Trust me, this is truly a lose/lose scenario.
The frustrating thing about a parent that's a big baby is that you expect them to teach their children things they have yet to learn for themselves (respect, responsibility, consequences for poor choices, healthy conflict resolution, etc. ). Unless they learn these skills for themselves it's impossible to teach them to their kids. You stand in the middle trying to be a reasonable adult and become the evil one everyone rebels against.
However, if he's a bully you may just need to stand up to him and call him on his shit. Bullies know exactly what they are doing and don't have respect people who let them get away with it. Bullies will get away with what they are allowed to get away with but often back down quickly when confronted.
All that said, changing dynamics and his parenting will be a long road ahead. It sounds like you're at the end of your rope. I so, I'd start planning your exit covertly. If your DH is a big baby he will not take being on his own very well and may do everything he can to either suck you back and/or get every last dime he can from you as a matter of survival. Plan well and protect yourself.
Good luck to you...I'm sending you love & strength to do whatever you need to do for yourself and your son.
OMG. I didn't get very far
OMG.
I didn't get very far into your post and I was mad for you. I hate I'm just now seeing this. I would have let the painter show and been GONE. that's DH problem.
I've washed my hands and disengaged for a lot less.
My two cents. Yes, I know the
My two cents.
Yes, I know the technology age has changed. Kids used to ride their bikes, play hopscotch and play outside on beautiful sunny days.
Now it's all about sending text messages, x-box, playstation and god knows what else that is computer based that keeps them in their room and seperated from interacting with people in a personal sense.
Access to a computer at your skids ages is a given, how much access they have is for the adults to decide. Quite clearly they do not understand what happens when they oversurf, over download, over upload or do whatever it is that causes problems with your important work material.
If they must have a computer, make it so they only have access to limited material (eg: educational games, artistic, dowloading books or whatever they are interested in).
Is your husband computer savvy, sounds to me, he isn't and gets frustrated by what he doesn't understand.
Also, sounds that you may have made an indent by putting your foot down and it seems from your post he knows which side his bread is buttered. Do you think you are comfortable now to say how you feel and want you need to make a happy life for you and them?
I would also say, that from your post, you may be in a good position to call it quits, get rid of the crap and live a happy and fabulous life for yourself.
There's a really scary short term way, or there's a really miserable long term way.
That's up to you xxx
I have been through similar
I have been through similar things, but not to the level you are experiencing. My wife is a "guilty-mommy," or a "friend parent" as some call them. She has catered to her kids, and has kissed their asses for years. In the early years of our marriage, I tried standing up to her when I felt that she was letting things slide with the kids, but it never worked. She always took their side.
Eventually, I decided to disengage. I really do love my wife, I just can't stand her kids. I am waiting with baited breath for SD17 to get out of high school (still a couple of years on that as she repeated kindergarten). On some level, DW knows that she has made big mistakes with appeasing her kids, because she will occasionally have what alcoholics call a "moment of clarity," where she acknowleddges the problems with the skids. However, she is not willing to make changes now. We are waiting for SD17 to get out of high school, and at that point we will get rid of our house, so that SD17 has to get out on her own.
Thanks again for the great
Thanks again for the great advice. Reading all your posts has really helped me to a) assert myself and b) feel confident when I do, so that my husband realizes I mean it.
Bojangles; I agree, what a challenge! As far as the legal aspect, I work in law myself. The house I bought, however in Canada that doesn't matter. My husband is still entitled to half of it and its contents. I'm okay with that but I'm not okay with having to pay for a house that I'm not living in so that my credit rating isn't destroyed which is what I'd have to do.
And Paul...it's nice to hear from the other side (a man's point of view). What a shame that you're spending your life waiting for the day you will be happy. Reading that makes me realize that I'm doing that too. Doesn't seem like the right thing to do....
Quick Update:
His children were extremely disrespectful to me this morning while he was in the shower. He must have heard them because he did respond by telling them to speak to me with respect and to use a better tone. I was shocked actually...
"And Paul...it's nice to hear
"And Paul...it's nice to hear from the other side (a man's point of view). What a shame that you're spending your life waiting for the day you will be happy. Reading that makes me realize that I'm doing that too. Doesn't seem like the right thing to do...."
Well, it's not like we're **never** happy, but I will admit that it is much harder to be happy with SD17 around. And it hasn't always been like this. Like many others on here have noted, there is often a gradual progression of events. It has taken many years of PASing by my SD17's bio-father, in combination with my DW's half-assed "friend" parenting, to get to this point. Thankfully, only a couple of years to go.
Bottomline is you've hooked
Bottomline is you've hooked up with a guilty daddy so:
1. he DOES see this but doesn't do anything about it b/c he is afraid he will "lose" his child to the BM (TM)
2. he will put YOUR children under a microscope and examine them for minute flaws since it makes him feel better about having feral brat crotch droppings. "Well, my son may have committed that axe murder last week, but YOUR son doesn't floss after every meal!!!"
It becomes a viscious cycle/catch 22, so I'd start planning my exit plan, post haste!
LOL....that is hilarious,
LOL....that is hilarious, Auteur....but also sadly enough, SO true!
yeah the guilty dad who needs
yeah the guilty dad who needs to make himself feel better about his feral crotch droppins....
My DH complained about his sisters kids....said they were always winning....HOLY DOOLY WTF??? WHILST YOUR KIDS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME, SHOOT MY CAT, BRAKE ALL MY THINGS, REFUSE TO EAT MY MEALS AND YOU CCOMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR SISTERS KIDS....???
Ahhh but obviously Guilty dads do this thing often....
Im lucky to have a DH who loves my kids like his own....He is actually really proud of them - any wonder...his Biokids are disgusting...brought up by the BM to be revolting...and she continues to mess with their heads to make them even worse....
Looks like you got a husband
Looks like you got a husband that is in-love with his kids as oppose to in-love with you. If you've talked about this issue with your husband several times and nothing gets resolved... It's time to leave with your own kids. You don't deserve to be miserable with a disrespecting husband and step kids. Good luck.