Neither my dh nor my step kids treat me bad. I can thank my dh for that. He was awesome in making sure they had respect. He also understands that I can't auto love them but I do care very much for them. The older they get the better it is. I do have to tell you it took a long time to get to where we are. The kids in the beginning did try to push as many boundaries as they could but dh always tried to see it from both sides. There have been so many things and fights but in the end we COMPROMISED and came together and decided what was best for all kids.

Bm on the other hand tried to treat me and my son (just my son as she seems to think my dd is a golden child) like crap but it was a slow process for dh to finally stand up and let her know in no uncertain terms that she is NOTHING to me and my kids and to not talk about them or he would hang up. She even tried to say she was allowed to call me any time she wanted, I proved her wrong when I took all her calls and messages to the police and filed charges. }:)

Yes!! My aunt and uncle have the weirdly perfect blended family. I say weird because to me it is so far from the norm, it's scary. lol My uncle and aunt divorced when their kids were approx 9, 6, and 3. I still call his exwife my aunt cause she was for so long, but anyways they had a semi-mutual divorce. My aunt says that they are just better friends than they were married. I think she may have started an "internet" thing toward the end of their marriage, but I don't know how much of it had to do with the divorce. Fast forward a couple years....my uncle meets a lady with 4 kids of her own. She's from Cali (we live in IL) and she moved her and all 4 kids out to live with my uncle when they married. My uncle, aunt #1 and #2 all get along beautifully. They call themselves the family unit. They work together as a team and any issue they have w/my bio cousins is handled with all 3 adults. My aunt #1 actually had a kid with her new bf. My uncle and aunt #2 used to let the kid come over when his kids did cause she felt left out!!! And he honestly didn't mind!!! I don't know if it's ridiculous laid-back attitude or he just hides his feelings extremely well. lol My bio cousins get along with their steps so well. They call themselves brothers and sisters and they do a lot of stuff together (even now as everyone is an adult!). I find it odd just because my parents had an awful divorce and I have a mild anxiety attack at the thought of them even being in the same room! But apparently, a healthy blended family can be done!

I am treated with respect by my skids. Absolutely no respect from the BM. Sometimes respect or pseudo-respect from H.

I'm in a similar situation to HS.

I have a lot of respect from my husband and his kids. DH has never put up with any ill-treatment of me - nor our baby, and I have the backing of his entire family, should he one day falter.

I get the feeling that my stepkids treat me and DH with more respect than they do their mother, and it's because we've earned it by setting limits and giving love at the same time.

Examples of their acceptance and respect:
1. It is really a good feeling to have a stepkid that ALWAYS says how much he enjoys my food, and puts me in 3rd place behind 2 grandmas!
2. It's great to see them showing off using vocabulary I teach them, or doing well in presentations I help with, and coming to thank me afterward.
3. It's great to see them interacting with their sister in the most normal way, playing with her, reading to her etc.

BUT!!!

It's only been a couple of years so far, and the stepkids are now becoming teenagers, so I'm not so quick to claim any sort of happily blended family.

BM will treat DH badly any chance she gets, but she's smart enough to not let the kids see or at least make herself look like the victim. My interactions with her are minimal and civil. I know there will be flare ups as DH and I continue to achieve the goals we have set out - BM and stepkids will compare and think things aren't fair, but I have decided that their existence is not going to stop me from doing the family things I have always dreamed of doing. I do not want to live a life of regrets.

Gotta check you back in about 5-7 years to update on what happens once CS ends!!

Aside from this site, I only know one family that is blended, but their situation is very unlike the situations that most of us experience (BM not in the picture at all, SM is accepted as THE mother, a lot of cultural differences as well). That family is about as happy as any family could be, and they're wonderful people.

My experience isn't really a "happy ending", as I've only been in this relationship for a little over a year and we're not married yet. The kids are not adults, and I don't have the long-term perspective that you seem to be looking for. I can only speak to my own situation. That being said, my BF has NEVER treated me like dirt, and the kids haven't either. The kids have an enormous amount of respect for their father, and because he shows me respect in front of them, they also have deferred to respecting me (not without the expected boundary-pushing, of course). If either the kids or BM ever disrespected me, I know that my BF would defend me and have my back--and they know it too. I have very little doubt that as they grow up (and get past the rebellious teen years) as long as their father respects me, they will respect me (at least in our house). I also have very little doubt that if my BF stopped respecting me, I would leave him. Admittedly, I don't have years and years invested in this relationship.

If your husband is really treating you like dirt, then I wouldn't expect that to change when the kids are raised and gone; just because the kids are not physically there doesn't mean that the issues are gone. If kids are raised poorly and are allowed to disrespect you now, it is unlikely that they will have some miraculous epiphany and suddenly choose to respect you later. Have you read Stepmonster?

I actually know of one situation and actually I am a product of a blended family and I love my stepdad,even though his and my relationship has not always been perfect the problems have nothing to do with him being a step dad to me and more his own personality quirks! You truly do not hear of many that work out and my current situation is far far from perfect, and I have to deal with the typical guilty Daddy Bull, BM crap and I do complain that sometimes I feel more consideration is given to a past life that made his life hell HOWEVER I would never classify my BF as treating me like dirt! The only reason I am trying to deal with all the garbage that a blended situation bring including kids that I am not thrilled with, is because I have a good guy in my life. If he were more of a jerk it would actually make it easier to leave! Not sure why anyone would stay in a scenario where they are treated like pure dirt and deal with his luggage too.

Whateva

We do okay and I am a StepDad. My wife's family did Okay and she was raised by her StepDad.

I actually do not know any StepMoms personally.

We are the only blended family in our circle of friends though I did date a girl about 20yrs ago who was raised by her StepDad. No StepMoms though.

My Dh takes advantage of me and doesn't appreciate what I do for him and his children. He is the one with entitlement issues. I knew this about him though when I started dating him. Although it frustrates me often I love him dearly in spite of it. I have an OK to good relationship (so far) with SD13 and an amazingly wonderful relationship with SD5. I am very good friends with SD5's mom (amazing right) and I get along ok with SD13's mom although it often takes alot of effort on my part. I am considered by my SD's BM's (especially SD5's) as another parent in the girls lives, so I am very lucky in that regard.

My DH loves me and respects me, my SD5 loves me and tells me she loves both me and her BM. She refers to me as "Mommy" and BM as "firstname-mommy" or just "firstname". SS3 likes me but doesn't really care for BM either until she buys him more toys. His main focus is DH. I have a feeling a lot of times he wants it to just be him and daddy. He has said a few mean things about me before and DH has stopped him and said that was NOT nice and he needed to apologize. He doesn't follow through with the apology half the time because either A.) SS3 will start throwing a fit/tantrum, or B.) SS3 will distract him by being goofy or silly, but he has good intentions. I have hopes that as the kids get older their emotional problems will get better and they will continue to respect and like (or love) me, but after reading a lot of stories on STalk I have my fears too.

My DH is VERY respectful of me and knows that while I like/tolerate his kids that I don't love them and does not use me as a babysitter or expect me to play June Cleaver with them. Skids have never been disrespectful either, they are nice kids. It's their freak of nature BM's that cause all the hate and discontent in my life. I have no idea (neither does DH) how he wound up with not one, but two low-life, money grubbing, hateful, entitled, pieces of trash.

He is definately the strongest person I know for enduring everything that he has for the sake of having a decent relationship with his kids. I think alot of men would have walked away or at the very least distanced themselves from the constant BM chaos.

I am treated with great disrespect by my "SO", the BM, the BM's BM and the skids. Needless to say I'm launching my exit plan.

Editor's note: "with great disrespect" = "lower than dirt"

My BF treats me with respect and if his kids don't he stops at nothing to tell them to do so. I guess I am one of the lucky ones and I am thankful for this

I am treated well by DH and SD15. DH adores me and I, him. We treat each other accordingly. SD15 has this huge hero-worship thing toward DH and me, so she's on her best behavior when she sees us.

BM, on the other hand, is so bothered by me that she has (apparently) told her 7yo that I am going to hell because I'm not a Christian. (He asked his sister, SD15, why I didn't have Jesus in my heart) I have not spoken to BM in close to two years, and I haven't seen her child (NOT DH's) in four. Why is my religious preference the business of a child I'm not related to who I don't live with and never see?

I make DH deal with BM, and I've started coaching him on not getting sucked into the drama. Little things, like not answering the phone if he's busy at work or in school. Or hanging up on BM if she ever tries to take the conversation anywhere other than SD15. Or asking, "What do you want me to DO from a thousand miles away?" when BM starts bitching about SD15.

My father's first wife comes to our christmas gatherings, all the kids are equal and none are considered 'step' by my mother. They were older when it all happened, (14 and 17), and had spent most of their school life in boarding schools, so the family bond possibly wasn't as strong. My mother has eight grand children - two are biological, five are step, and one is my brothers second wife's son (so no blood relation at all). They've managed to make it work - but I don't know how.

I on the other hand, wanted to make it work at first, but was rejected time and time again, my feelings and needs and desire for some sort of rules and routines were ignored, and now my husbands brat could drop dead tomorrow and I would not be sorry. And I wouldn't bother going to the funeral - it would interupt the party!

My DH treats me like gold. Aftet I was accused by BM and the manipulate 2yr old of child abuse, the child was no longer welcome in my home. The DH supported me in my decision. Several other things continued to happen that were detrimental to us and our family, so that was that. He truly supports a healthy family between us. However, it is very unfortunate that a child had to suffer thanks to her mother's psychoticness. She will suffer her whole life from it, though. With or without our help, thanks to the hard pressing CPS to falsely accuse people of child abuse because vondictive BMs want to ruin their ex's lives, and even more so, their wive's.

I dont get treated bad by my SD. Shes 7. She knows that in our house I am the mommy and to follow rules as she is in moms house. It took me a while to make it work where DH would let me straighten her out but its for her own good. And if I dont step up, one day she will step all over us. BM is a living hell for us, MIL is teamed up with her and we dont need no more.

Hey just a thought, you would probably get more readers if you interviewed controversial people for your blog.

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