But I'll bet you fifty bucks that she has NO problem with you doing his laundry when he's at your house, shelling out money for any want or whim SS may have, etc. etc.

The Behemoth was like this (BM in my case) and yet she didn't mind dumping them off at my house if she knew that biodad was going to be "watching them." What she REALLY wanted was a "on the fly" "drop everything at her beck and call" non-parental status babysitter who would spoil and "disneydad" the three children and of course, I would take a back seat other than to provide financially for these entitlement sessions. And of course GG (biodad I live with) did exactly what she demanded to the horrible detriment of our relationship.

Your DH needs to continue to put BM in her place. If he doesn't, then you need to politely tell him that you are putting your foot down and demand that he make boundaries for her or it's a deal breaker. Guys will try to please the "squeaky wheel."

He should let her know that she has NO control or say over what goes on when SS is at your house, unless of course, it is illegal or life threatening.

The more your DH stands up to her, the less need there will be for you to totally disengage, namely do NOTHING for SS and let biodad handle everything.

I have two bio children, and if they had a step-mom, I would not "like" her signing their school papers, however, I would not write a note there for all to see. I would probably ask their dad why the SM was signing the papers and with a good excuse like you have, I would leave it at that. I sign papers for my SD all the time (her mom isn't in the picture) and I don't have custody and the school really doesn't care...not even for permission slips.

I think his mom is jealous and probably feels like you are taking her place. Those feelings are understandable, but she is acting immature. The CHILD is the big thing to think about here...not her hurt feelings. I think it is a given that when you have your step-son and there is a family event, you all go AS A FAMILY! As much as she may hate it, you ARE a part of his family!

I would talk to your husband about how to address her the next time she says such a crazy thing. I am thinking "well, serenityplease IS a part of step-son's family, so she WILL be going to this family event." You need to be firm to discourage her from continuing such non-sense. Although I hear some crazy BMs might get even crazier after hearing that.

I'm assuming your DH has eow visitation? If so, I feel he should go camping with his son alone. The time is already limited for them and they need some time together where they can bond as "just the guys." It sounds like you are getting plenty of bonding time with ss after school. I know it is tempting to push it just so the bm doesn't get her way, but you need to put your dh and ss's relationship on top of this mess. I have my kids full time and WISH my son's dad would do things with him. Or my daughter. My bf has 3 kids and I insist that he do things with just them on his weekends. The bio relationships are SO important, especially for the same sex parent. Plus, you can have some time to shop or visit with your girlfriends while the boys are gone!

Your situation is exactly how our situation began. She is threatened by your existence in her children's lives. She is afraid that the children will like you more than her. My SS11 who was 5 at the time said to me "my mom says your'e trying to take her place" I assured him that I was Daddy's friend (we were not married) and that no one will ever take your mommy's place.

That statement his BM said, told me everything about BM. She is insecure and not cofindent in herself as a mother or as a person.

Your BM is using these statements to BF to divide and conquer. If this means isolating you, the kids, their BF or break up your relationship, she will try. BM's like that are definately unique and will go to great lengths and drain your energy :sick:

It sounds like she heading down the road of Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). Please get the DVD Welcome Back Pluto, you can purchase it on Amazon. It's great for kids and adults. It is very educational for all ages. Document everything that happens with her. I did and when we went back to court because she PAS'd her daughter, it was very helpful for the court and recalling situation for our case. Our BM is so active in being destructive and full of lies, we had to write things down.

I hope I am not scaring you because that it is not my intention but to prepare you. Keep being the loving SM you are and stay active with the skids and your husband in creating a happy, loving home for everyone

There are certain things a stepparent really shouldn't do. Sign school papers, capital punishment, etc. I can totally see BM's point about the school folder thing. Just wait til your DH gets home and have him sign it.
As far as the campout? You can totally go with SS and DH if DH takes him. BM gets no say over that. Personally, I wouldn't go...just because I'm not a huge fan of Scout camping and figured it could be a 'boys' weekend.'

Oi "capital punishment" ? I hope neither step not bio will go that far..

Great advice, do not let the BM control what is going on in your home. Otherwise she wins and your home looses.

I agree with Foxie too. A real mom would go.
Don't deprive your self of the fun.

Your family unit is you, your husband and ss. It doesn't include his BM. Stop focusing on her and her insecurity. Focus on your family unit and have fun!!

I am no camper but even I have "roughed" it for the my fskids and SO. I stayed in a pop up! HA!

Seriously have fun.

I didn't read the comments but I have to tell you that I wouldn't want my kids step mom signing any of their paper work either. I would back off from that as that is just an easy fix just have dh sign it when he gets home. As far as the camping trip she can get over that, if she doesn't want to go and hands it over to dad he can take whom ever he wishes.

I would back from certian things but when it comes to activities like the camping trip I would go.

To be honest with you i have dealt with this same issue for years. She even went as far as telling my stepdaughter that 1. I took her dad from her mom, and 2. That ii was gay before. Because she knew i used to date women, she tried to accuse me of licking and touching her daughter. She mad this accusation but never followed through with the police. It has been now 8 years, and i still deall with the bitter and hatefull talk from mom. When i would see her, I would say stuff to her, and told her if she got something to say say it to me. At the same time, I would keep reinterating to the my stepdaughter that we are like a tight handshake. I would practice with her and tell her no one can break that up but me you and god. Her daughter is so used to it after a while, my SD would argue with her mom. Now her mom is so angry that her daughter gets upset when she talks about me, mom stopped coming to see her. Its been two months. It stinks because truthfully stepparents take alot in a relationship. Good luck

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If you want to go, then go. Don't worry about the skids feelings. Children are resilient. If he feels uncomfortable initially, he'll get over it once he begins to have fun. Please remember to not always put your skids feelings before your marriage. It sends them the wrong message.

I dont think it is any of her business if you are signing her agenda book or going to the camp out. These are not things that are occurring in HER household, but things that are occurring in YOURS. My parents have signed my kids agenda books if they are watching them in the evening for me. Noone cares! I think she just made herself look like an idiot to the kids teacher and it probably embarrassed the poor kid.

As far as the campout-since it is specified as a "family" campout then I think you should all go-you all are a family. It sounds as if they will have fun activities for all family members. If it was a father-son campout then of course you would not attend.

Basically, I think you should do whatever feels comfortable for you and your dh. I dont know why everyone has to put all these "rules" in place. It's exhausting. A stepmom shouldnt do this, she shouldnt do that-she should do THIS, but only when...no wonder so many of us struggle in our roles as stepmom's-everyone tries their damnedest to make it so artificial that we end up having artificial relationships instead of relating genuinely to one another.

I agree...signing an assignment book is really no big deal. My skids are supposed to have their assignment books signed every day. My hubby is very good about doing that task. I sign the book when he has forgotten or I sign the reading log. BM on the other hand will either not sign the book or pre sign a weeks worth, whatever is less of a hastle for her. Heaven forbid if she had to parent her children :O

The point of doing such tasks is so that the teacher knows there is an adult monitoring the child from home.

Now if you were signing medical release forms...then you better becareful

LOL - I don't even have to read anything else besides.....

But I'll bet you fifty bucks that she has NO problem with you doing his laundry when he's at your house, shelling out money for any want or whim SS may have, etc. etc.

this it it!!

Sign the damn thing if you need to. It is NOT that big of a deal. BM pulled the same crap with me right after DH and I married. We had 50/50 custody, DH traveled quite a bit for work. SD would do her homework, I would review and sign, BM would get mad. What were my options? Punish SD by refusing to sign? No thanks BM.

uhh....I am confused about what the big deal is over signing school papers. Seriously. I am not married to DH but I have been raising these kids for 4 years and my bank account is empty to proove it - my nerves are shot to prove it. If I oversee a homework session...I am going to sign those papers. Frankly...if you are a BM who has an issue with someone else who cares for YOUR children...and is HELPING them with their homework...and doing everything else for them - you should be happy someone cares for them just as you do. I keep reading comments "I am a BM and would not want my kids SM signing papers...?" WTF...if you are a stepmother...shouldn't you be in support of your kids SM's? Seriously...go fly a kite. I don't get it...it's being kind of uh...hypocritical when you experience crap from the other "BM." Give some credit where credit is due. If DH gives her permission to sign...she has every right. A signature on homework is not signing over your motherly duties or anything like that. They are kids papers- and I think it's healthy for teachers to be aware taht your child is being cared for by steps.

GO on that camping trip. It's a family event...you are part of the family. If he knows it is a family event...he should espect you to be there...his mother is not going...you are allowed with your spouse.

I'm sorry but I will have to disagree. I mean I know for me we only have skids eow and I do not do home work with with the boys. So I don't have paper work to sign. But you know that is neither here nor there as that if the bm says she doesn't want you to sign then you shouldn't! These kids only have 2 parents and that is their bm and bf. You can help if you want but remember you can choose to help or not and if you do then respect the bm's wishes and do not sign as it is a battle that is not worth battling. It is a PAPER for goodness sake let the dad sign it rather you help or not. It will end that battle. if it will make bm shut up then why keep adding fuel to fire to keep her screaming and have drama??? That is where I'm getting hung up on is that if you sign KNOWING that bm is not going to happy and start in non her dh then why do it? To remind bm that you are there? Who cares what she thinks or why care if she knows you are there?

Of course this is my opinion. I will do what I expect which is would expect my skids step mom if they had one to not do that and respect me as their mom to not do it if I asked so i won't do it to my skids mom.

it has nothing to do with if I am grateful of their step mom helping but more of respect.

former i get that you do consider sm as part of your kids lives and you are ok with it that is great. But is my case bm would be throwing one huge hissy and I would just not do it to not hear her.

I also put myself in her shoes on certain issues and if I wouldn't want it done to me then I won't do it. signing a home work paper is no big deal either way so why fight about it?

Thank you i guess that was my point all along that why fight about something that truly is not that big of a deal and there are way bigger issues to battle then signing a home work paper. So if bm is throwing a fit about it then stop and have your dh sign so you don't put fuel on the fire. So that you and your dh can focus on the battles that need to be fought.

Thank you for seeing that I was just trying to say not to put fuel on the fire.

i hope the op can see that too as it has nothing to do with me not saying she shouldn't but more that it will defuse the situation.