I cannot stand my 7 yr. old step-daughter anymore. She is a vicious little brat that loves to hurt others and does not want to listen to anyone, not even her father. Also before I start getting all the crap about "Oh she's just upset because you came between her mom and dad." let me clear it up. Her bio-mom is dead and has been since 2006. I didn't come into her life until after and she has absolutely NO recollection of her parents being together at all.

This child has been like this since she was 2 yrs. old. She has always been defiant and refused to listen to anyone. At first the only person who came close to making her behave was her grandmother because her dad dumped the kid on her after his wife died and the child thought that she was in fact her mom. She wasn't potty trained until she was almost 3 yrs. old because she refused to go to the bathroom and her dad was too lazy to make her do it. I only got shot down every time I tried to help out and that is the way it has always been.

When the preschool that she was attending was closed and we had to find another one. The grandmother found one down the road from her house and enrolled her. From day one this child acted out, crying and screaming when we dropped her off and hit the other kids. They'd call her grandmother instead of us and it got to the point where we had to pull her because the people had convinced the child that the reason she was acting out was because I was abusing her (which was what they told the grandmother as well). My husband actually did his duty and stood up to his mom and the school and told them that I wasn't hurting this kid. She backed off but I think she never really accepted that I wasn't doing anything to this child.

We changed preschools and her behavior continued until we had to pull her from that one as well and I had to adjust my work schedule so I could stay at home with her. She finally was old enough to go to school and we put her in pre-k and that whole year was a disaster. She got sent to the office 6 times for fighting(once with a little boy who had his arm in a cast) and once for slapping a lunchbox out of her teacher's hands because she was mad. Her teacher even told me in a conference that she was concerned with her mental health. I addressed the situation with her dad and he just got angry and told me never to talk about that with the school again. Her kindergarten year was better but she still has issues with not listening to her teachers.
Her bad behavior has just progressed as she gets older and more vocal. She will tell myself and her father that she doesn't like it when we punish her. We tell her that if she'd act like she is supposed to then she wouldn't get punished. Nothing works, we have spanked her, taken things away from her, made her sit in time out, and every other discipline tactic, NOTHING WORKS!! This kid just DOES NOT CARE that she is hurting other people and she thinks that she should be able to do whatever she wants regardless of her actions. I have told her that if she continues to act out one day she is going to pick on the wrong person and they are going to hurt her. She just looks at me like she doesn't believe me.

Like I said she is now 7 and in first grade and has already been sent to the office 3 times for not listening and harming her classmates.
She has never really known what true punishment is because even if her dad spanks her he'll go to her room and hug her and apologize about 30 minutes later or if he takes her TV privelages away its only for about an hour or so and then he lets her have it back and he always lets he go to the zoo, the movies, an amusement park etc with her grandmother even though she has acted out. I completely disagree with this and tell him so but his words are always, "My mom is going and she paid for the ticket. It's part of being a kid to be able to do these things and I'm not taking that away from her."
I personally believe that if a child has slapped someone or even punched someone (which she does frequently) then she should not be allowed to go and have fun at a park or a zoo regardless of who paid for the flippin ticket!!
I have told him several times that if he takes somethng away from her that she really really wants to do enough times it may get through to her. Who cares about not getting to watch TV for a while when you have a room full of video games and toys to play with? Big whoop!!
The biggest thing that concerns me is that she gives you this look when we are punishing her like she could kill you if she thought she could do it. I am afraid this child is going to hurt someone if we don't get this under control.
I've sent notes to the school for them to paddle her if the offense deserves it and all her dad could say was that I better not ever tell them to so that again.
I'm at a loss. Her behavior is getting out of control and I dont really have any support on this. Her (perfect) grandmother is completely convinced that she is learning this from someone else because God forbid this kid actually have a thought of her own and is capable of making a decision to hurt someone. I personally think that is BS. This woman only sees this kid when we are at her house now and of coarse she isn't going to act out around her because that would let her grandmother see exactly how bad she really is and she wont take her anywhere anymore. This kid isn't stupid!!
If anyone can help me please do.