Am I a bad SM?
A big of backstory:
DH and I are married and expecting with full custody of his ds2. There was a long battle over the custody of my beautiful ss after bm repeatedly cheated, threw parties that had drugs and alcohol with the baby in her apartment, and several other big things that led her to losing custody.
DH and I got married and got pregnant IMMEDIATELY, as in, we got the pictures from our first ultrasound before we got our wedding pictures back. I was told I was barren, and a while back bm found out about it and used it to hurt me and try to get dh to break up with me. Now I'm pregnant and she's telling ss that its a monster baby and its going to take daddy away.
When ss comes back from the weekend visits he hits, screams, bites, curses, and pretends that chalk is a cigarette. He normally has diarrhea and smells like he hasn't bathed the whole time he's been gone. BM also owes approx 2k in child support that she can't pay (meanwhile she has a smartphone with a data plan, two new tattoos, and new clothes everytime we see her).
I've been taking care of ss for over a year now, doing all the motherly duties and more and I have no problem with him calling me by my Christian name instead of a motherly title. I honestly want bm to get her act together for the sake of ss. I do want them to have a good relationship because dh and I both believe that it is mentally and emotionally best for the child to have a good relationship with his bm. But at the same time, I sometimes find myself wishing she would just disappear or give up her rights or something because her habits, lifestyle, and the things she puts in his mind are not what's best for him. And those thoughts make me feel guilty.
I read your post, and see
I read your post, and see nowhere in there where you mentioned anything that would make you a bad SM. Have your attorney (or your DH) send a certified Cease and Desist letter, telling her not to say bad things about SS's baby sibling. If that does work, and you are able to document things (including the letter), you may be able to reduce her visitation.
And do not see it as trying to take the boy from his mother. Poison is poison. See it as protecting your family, including your SS. Maybe reduced visitation would be best for the both of them, and later when she is more stable, she can get more visitation.
Some people don't deserve to
Some people don't deserve to be parents. BM is one of those. I don't see where being with BM is better for this child at all. I'm probably over-sensitive because I was unable to have bio-children, but BM is endangering that child. It makes me sick that people are allowed to abuse children just because they have a uterus and can pop them out. That in no way qualifies someone to be a parent, which this woman is not. A "mom" isn't the one who gives birth...a "mom" is the one who cares for the child, stays up all night with them when they're sick, feeds them, nurtures them, etc. YOU are this child's mom. You have no reason to feel bad...you are stepping up!