Catching my stepdaughter in lies & talking smack about her father & I
First let me say it's wonderful to find a place where you can speak and share your thought without causing issues at home. I've been a stepmother for 7yrs, she was 12 when her father & I got married. We have always had a pretty good relationship I made sure that we did things on the weekend as a "family", planned her birthday parties, Father's Day , etc.. (Her mother would tell me that I was allot better with the parties but really she just didn't want to pay out any money- another story) But anyway as my stepdaughter has gotten older she hated doing the family stuff on the weekends because they bored her and it got to the point that we rarely heard from her only when it came near her birthday or Christmas so that she could get what she really wanted. I know I was a teenager once too but recently the pain from the hurtful things she has said it unreal. She has a blog that she does not the I know about and of course I check it to keep an eye on her and I let her Father know what is going on too. For the last yr it's been her Father & I need to get over things I'm a bitch she didn't feel the need to do anything for her Father on Father's Day because he didn't make the plans to do so (She's 19 not 2) The car I gave her is a POS etc... I am hurt I tried talking to her about FD and make plans for her to come over but all I got was a attitude. Plus she seems to think her father had no idea that I tried this and called me a bitch, her father & I tell each other everything and he saw the text. But last night when talking about it he had gotten upset with me because I suggest that we have a sit down with her and let her know that he is very much aware of everything and that we need to fix whatever is wrong... Am I wrong ? She has already helped break up her mom's marriage. And we have a very strong one but anytime I have something to say about this I'm wrong... HELP !!!
You said it yourself - she's
You said it yourself - she's 19 not 2. I think you need to back off a bit and let her be an adult on her own for a bit. If you "have a sit down with her" she will realise it's because you want her to change the way she does things and she will dig in her heels and become stubborn and probably behave even worse.
Don't go giving her cars, or anything else apart from a small token birthday gift, until she starts treating you with a little respect. Don't make plans for her to come over, wait until she asks, and then be quite cool about it, don't gush and be over enthusiastic. If she behaves well, fine, if she does not, say no the next time she asks to come over, and if she asks why, say its because you behaved badly last time.
Try to resist the temptation to look at her blog - she probably guesses you see it and relishes the attention. Keep your distance from this spoilt little madam until she's ready to grow up.
You say you check her blog to
You say you check her blog to keep an eye on her. Is that because you are worried for her? If not, the eye you are keeping isn't helping you, your husband or her. Maybe it's her place for "venting" and you don't need to know everything she says, it'll just hurt you , and your husband. It's her life, and unless she rubs it in your face, she has the right to her feelings and to express them, especially in her own blog. It's understandable that it hurts you, so take care of yourself and stay out of her blog, tempting as it may be.
And boy is she spoiled..
And boy is she spoiled.. Everyone likes to feel sorry for her because her parents are divorced and she's an only child. For the most part she has been great but as she starting getting older and learned what I call "the game" she acts like the world should be hers. She still wants themed birthday parties,(and she gets 2 one for our side of the family and one that her mother and grandmother will give.) Her mom stopped asking me to do the parties. It bothers me though that my husband only wants to see his views not even just meet me in the middle. Part of me thinks it because he and his stepmother did not get along. THank you like I said before it's great to have a place like this
She's 19, its up to her to
She's 19, its up to her to contact her father and do things for fathers day. Not you. There is no reason why you should want to read her blogs unless you are concerned for her safety or welfare. You have lost this relationship, she is not interested. its time for you to grieve and move on. It sounds like its been a long time coming.
Stop giving her things or feeling responsible for her. She's grown, she needs to be treated grown. The more you push, the more your DH will blame you. If you take yourself out of the equation all he will have is his daughter to see and he will see her for what she really is.
I have to agree, at it's HER
I have to agree, at it's HER responsibility to take care of Father's day, not yours. No offense, but by checking her blog, and giving her "themed" bday parties, it's almost as though you're treating her as if she is 2. She's an adult now, I would completely back off, she's not your responsibiltiy anymore. Just let go, and you'll do your stress levels a big favour!
She's 19!! I would let it go
She's 19!! I would let it go and I am infact counting the days when my princess SD14 turns 18! I have been w/ her since she was just 2; and we still don't have a relationship. She lives w/ us FT and we don't even talk. Once they hit that certain age........forget it! My BD12 won't hardly do anything w/ us. My DH and I were sitting outside and SD14 came out and stared at him (she always does this) and he said.........."what do you want; that's the only time you talk to me."
I think you did your part and you should back off. Enjoy it!!
Totally getting it I know
Totally getting it
I know within my heart I have done right by her and have done more then my share when it comes to her. Our family are always telling me that she should be thankful to have a SM like me and I guess for now that's enough. As for the treating her like a 2 yr old well that goes with the everyone feels sorry for her issue, I would much rather just have a family cookout like we do for everyone else and be done. I have mention to my DH that maybe this yr we should just take her to dinner just the 3 of us but I always get "no she'll have a party" so now I just drop it. I think why I've tried so hard is because I have no children of my own
I can appreciate how tempting
I can appreciate how tempting it is to posibly discuss your sd19's birthday celebrations - from changing it to the usual themed parties you organise and throw for her (whats with that she's 19 not 9!!! :? )to a BBQ BUT why discuss at all with your DH?!!
I genuinely think you should leave talking about it or even thinking you should organise it for her. Just drop it and if or when your DH/sd/BM approached you over *your* plans for Princess sd, act innocently dumb - "huh? Oh I thought that as sd is now grown we would go out for dinner/have bbq. I had no idea you want to arrange a party for her...." emphasis on YOU i.e. your DH.
Don't cave, don't agree to plan this for sd. Also don't tell DH the reasons why you are not doing this, believe me you won't be thanked for it nor would DH understand your reasons as no matter how much he momentarily dislikes sd's behaviour, he is her father and will forgive her anything (and they usual expect this of you too, no matter how unreasonable). If DH pushes the point and tries to get you to capitulate to indulge sd's demands for a party, suggest nicely (with a smile) that DH does it for a change, as you havent got the time. Use any excuse.
Its time to ask some respect from sd and disengage from it all!
The rule in our house is that
The rule in our house is that the kids stop getting paid for/themed parties after age 10. They actually feel too old to have them anyway at that point anyway, so they don't put up a fuss..they're just happy to have a family dinner at the restaurant of their choice.
Oh boy, you wouldn't get
Oh boy, you wouldn't get along with my DW or SS's bio-granma. SS just turned **twenty** and had a birthday party.
See for me I so never
See for me I so never understood having a party every yr. I'm a only child parents still together til my father passed away and never had all these birthday parties. It was we got together with our family for cake and ice cream.. I like the ID of not bringing it up and seeing what happens
Love it 