What to do when the LIES can ruin your LIFE
I have a "stepson" who is 5. I use "stepson" loosely, as I am not legally married to his mother, as we are same-sex partners and etc. Anyway, never-gave-a-f*ck-before BD is raising Hell, quietly. He wants to be my BFF and he just loves me and thinks I'm fantastic and blah blah blah to my face, but BM and I have found that he's been poisoning SS more than usual. I want to know what to do when the lies could potentially ruin lives.
After BD's recent visit, SS (who is a TERROR for weeks after spending any time with BD) was suddenly terrified to let me bathe him. I'm not too cool with dealing with him in regards to bath, bed, and getting dressed either, but it's something I've had to get used to as the other active parent in this house. Also, I have no desire to be the kind of deadbeat stepparent I had. So you can imagine that I was a little hurt, and instantly a little worried. When he hasn't been lashing out at me violently or telling people I "treat him like sh*t," he's been looking pitiful and playing victim. He then mentioned in mumbles that Daddy told him I was going to hurt him, etc. Then, yesterday morning, eyes on Power Rangers and cereal spoon in-hand, he asked me if I was going to "wape" him. All sorts of alarms and bells starting ringing in my head. What kind of sh*t is BD telling him?! SS clearly had no understanding of what the word meant, only mentioning when asked that "someone told him I was going to do it." I FREAKED OUT. I hurriedly told him that I was absolutely NOT going to do that, and that it was a bad and dangerous word to throw around. He now understands only that the word bothers me, and has threatened me mid-fit with telling the neighbors that I was going to do that to him. HELP! BM is handling it by avoiding it for the most part, explaining to him that I have never and will never hurt him in anyway, and telling me to drop it. She seems to be fairly confident that the kid who now hates me is going to forget about it, especially considering that he won't be seeing BD anymore.
This has gone far beyond the usual, "I don't have to LISTEN to YOU! YOU're not my mommy!" and etc. This has gone beyond BD telling SS I don't love him and I don't belong in this house. I'm bothered to the point where I'm borderline nervous breakdown and considering staying with friends for a while until this blows over. Am I right to be terrified? Do I seek legal counsel? What do you do when BP lies get out of control and dangerous?
Not only am I hurt and scared, but this is very damaging to SS. Our entire family unit is shot to hell over this. What do I do?
And by BD, I mean Biological
And by BD, I mean Biological Dad, to clear up confusion. Sorry.
Leave. If you plan to stay,
Leave. If you plan to stay, stop giving him baths. That is opening the door for trouble. Try to avoid being alone with him. You have to protect yourself even if that means taking a step back.
Sadly, don't take it
Sadly, don't take it personally as in "it has anything to do with same-sex partner"...all kinds of CRAZY bio-parents do such things and DO turn their kids against ANYONE who is now with the other parent. Period. Sigh...#$%C$^%@C
I have to say that you might want to read here as there have been some who have had such accusations really go a little too far, ie. getting CPS involved, etc...I can't imagine. I will say that although my DH WANTED me to bathe his daughter when she came over and especially wash her hair, I ONLY did it once or twice and it was "we were late somewhere and had to run" or similar. Other than that, I stayed as far away as I could from the kid. I didn't go into her room at night OR during the day if she was there alone...I NEVER stayed alone with her except once that I remember. She was NOT allowed in our bedroom no matter how much she screamed or cried. I have heard too many horror stories and knowing the crazy witch mother, I knew it was just eventually bound to happen. She claimed the kid was saying bad words at her house, funny she didn't do it at ours, yet heck, we didn't see the kid for a couple of years and you should have seen the nasty stuff she wrote on facebook and her MOTHER saw all of it and did nothing.
Ok, sorry, not to get off-track. STAY away from the kid. Period. Protect YOURSELF. The mom is NOT helping the situation and that my dear, you need to discuss ASAP...because if she is this lax about something so potentially harmful, she'll be way too lax about other things as well.
Good luck.
DO NOT give this child baths
DO NOT give this child baths or dress him.
I was concerned because the BM of SD6 is a crazy troll and unpredictable. I have been her SM since she was 16 months old and I NEVER EVER changed any diapers and NEVER gave her a bath. Only for fear of the stupid stuff the BM may or may not say. Better to be safe!
My thing is, everyone sees
My thing is, everyone sees this equal responsibility to this child resting on my shoulders, and I just don't know what to do when BM says her back hurts and she can't do it, or she just doesn't deal with him. It's come to the point where I have to throw half a tantrum to get it into her head that I'm not comfortable with it. Then she's pissy with me all night... I have just refused to deal with him PERIOD, which is causing more problems than I can even explain. He keeps asking me why I don't take him places anymore, or build towers with blocks in his room when he can't sleep. UGH.
I'm not TOO worried about this getting very serious; BF and BM were never married and he has no legal claim to the child. The likelihood that they'll ever go to the law about anything is slim to none because BF probably wouldn't get visitation and he'd have to pay child support.
So this is something typical of the situation? :/
Scary
Wow, that is scary! I would personally stop bathing him or helping him in the toilet - let his BM do that. You may want to keep a camera in the main areas of the house, also. Sounds like divorced dad is setting you up for some sort of legal maneuver. Does he want custody? Anway, the only thing that courts listen to nowadays is video. I have a small personal camera I used to wear when I had to engage with my oldest SD, who hated me because her BM wanted her to. She had no moral compass and would say anything to hurt me, so...thus the camera to prove that I am not a monster. It sucks but its the only way to protect yourself.