He can't stay away
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Just under one week.... Why can't SS, 28, stay away????? He wants to come over tomorrow.... DH asks/tells me as he walks out of the house.... why doesn't DH go over to SS condo leave wrappers of gum and what ever all over the place, eat whatever he wants from his fridge and cupboards, wash his clothes, use his toiletries, smoke and not empty the ashtrays or smoke with out an ashtray on a wooden deck, break things and not replace or pay for them.... stomp all over the house, not do a bit of work to help or offer to pay for anything..... ARGGGGGGGGG He had a cookout at his condo Monday 7/4, but didn't invite us.... He has got to get his own life and stick with it!!!!!
What would happen if you paid
What would happen if you paid SS a visit at his condo and did the same thing? How can he complain? Tell him you are 'SO GLAD' that you both have made a silent agreement and are not obligated to clean up after yourself at each other's home. "It's SO COOOOL!" Think of how much fun you could have! LOL
I like this idea!!!!! If we
}:) I like this idea!!!!! If we were on speaking terms with our step adults we could visit and accidentally break things or scratch their woodwork or floors and just smirk when they look upset at the damage! Another satisfactory retaliation would be to say we were coming to visit for dinner, lunch whatever, and then call up and cancel at the last minute!!!! Step adults have done this to us for years and my satisfaction would be knowing that at least this time they would have expended thier time and effort for nothing. }:) In principal I like the idea but it serves us better to have them to continue not talking to us!
From your description it seems as though your SS is trying to do every thing he can to show you that he has as much right as you do to do whatever he wants to in your house. He is definitely trying to show dominance over you. Did SS grow up in the house your are now living in? I do now know your background but he acts as though he thinks of dad's house as his own? If this is the case what are your chances of getting H to move? Doing this may make SS not feel as comfortable invading your space.
If moving is not an option, if I were you I would work hard on getting H to spend time at SS's place and think up things that you could temporarily do to discourage SS from spending time at your place. Perhaps the internet or cable could go out every time he comes over until it becomes too inconvenient for him. Hide all of the beverages he likes to drink and snacks he likes to eat and plan to cook items for the next few weeks that you know he does not like. You could also plan a ladies night at your home 1 -2 times week (one night call it a book club etc - anything you know your H would not find interesting) to get H to go over there.
DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING you can think of TO DISCOURAGE HIS VISITS! Good Luck.
Those are GREAT ideas. DH
Those are GREAT ideas. DH would be furious with me, however.... No, SS did not grow up in this house, but he used to refer to the house where he and his BM and family lived as HIS house. DH and I were high school sweethearts almost 40 years ago. We split up, etc. each had lives -- his included 3 children, I had none. We got back together after DH was diagnosed with cancer and decided he no longer wanted to remain in his marriage -- that was 10 years ago. Children were 20, 18 and 16 at the time. 18 year old and 16 year old cussed me out, met their dad at the curb with BM and garbage bags of his stuff and told him they decided he got the other car..... 20 year old disowned him for over 5 years. 16 year old was off and on for years and now doesn't have anything to do with us over money not available for her wedding and 18 year old moved in with Dad and let BM in the apartment to snoop.... oh.... long, long story of poor boundaries ... never any apologies -- BM soon remarried to a long lost love, but alas, wrote asking for $15,000 less than a year ago because she and hubby are in debt....... I sometimes wonder if SS now 28 is here to spy or steal... often talks to BM on phone while he is here!!!! CRAZY! DH is just so happy to have a relationship with one kid, he accepts all the BS!!!