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dbk519's picture

Submitted by dbk519 on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 12:58pm

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Adult Stepchildren

Is it the Entitlement Generation or adult step-children in general? 28 year old SS comes to our home 2 to 3 times weekly. DH soaks up all the love and attention as his daughter hasn't spoken to us in over a year (since we couldn't/wouldn't fork over the 10 grand she demanded for her wedding). His other son only sees him/us about once every 3 months, but for the first 5 years after the divorce he didn't have anything to do with his Daddy. So, I welcome the 28 year old SS into our home, and after letting some of my pet peeves fester I finally spoke up about my "rules" -- please close the cupboard doors and shut the drawers, make the bed, throw your trash in the trash can, put the tops back on the things you open (like my facial cleansers and toner you use while you are here) and try to take everything of yours with you when you leave. So, far, so good. Now our house is not that big, so I really don't have much privacy when he is here, he smokes (outside) but never empties an ashtray, leaves the door open.. does laundry the minute he walks in (without asking) and helps himself to whatever is in the fridge and cupboards. Now, yesterday, I am once again the bad guy, because after he called to say he wanted to come over because he was going to work from "home" (he does own his own condo) around noon, plops down in a chair, turns on tv, eats, smokes... as I return from grocery store, not an offer to help bring a bag in... helps himself to food, opens wine at 3pm.... finally leaving around 6 because he has a function to attend asks, "Can I take this other bottle of cab to my meeting." Me, "Sure, it is $10." OMG, you would have thought I asked for a million.... is it just me or what???????? ESH welcome.

Fuzzpuss's picture

Submitted by Fuzzpuss on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 2:21pm

Wow, I'm 26 and I don't even behave like that in my Mom's house when I visit her. How rude of him. Personally, I would drop by his place unannounced one day, use his tv, eat food from his fridge, do laundry and then be 'Oh, I'm sorry, am I being rude?'. Cheeky swine.

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 3:15pm

Good for you! Did he pay you the $10? This is typical of SD36 also. She and her hubby usually expect us to foot the bill for everything while they 'grace' us with their presence. Never brings anything from home to eat, lifts a finger to put a plate in the dishwasher, Daddy pays for all restaurant meals. And most of the time I am just plain invisible. Just before I came home form a meeting to find Christmas they and DH making cookies for other people - not us, in my kitchen (no asking permission). I was totally invisible, did not exist, did not even rate a cookie.

I let this type of crap go on for way too long. Glad you have the guts to stop it now. Stick by your rules, they are not unreasonable at all.

dbk519's picture

Submitted by dbk519 on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 4:36pm

No, he didn't pay, but he didn't take the wine either. He said he only had one dollar and that he would stop somewhere and pick up a bottle... I kept silent. Then I noticed a $20 bill sitting by his "stuff." I asked my husband if he gave it to SS and he said no that SS had found it in his car... Who do you think is telling the truth? NO ONE!

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 3:17pm

Good for you! Did he pay you the $10? This is typical of SD36 also. She and her hubby usually expect us to foot the bill for everything while they 'grace' us with their presence. Never brings anything from home to eat, never lifts a finger to put a plate in the dishwasher, Daddy pays for all restaurant meals. And most of the time I am just plain invisible. Just before Christmas I came home from a meeting to find they and DH making cookies for other people - not us, in my kitchen (no asking permission). I was totally invisible, did not exist, did not even rate a cookie.

I let this type of crap go on for way too long. Glad you have the guts to stop it now. Stick by your rules, they are not unreasonable at all.

Shannon61's picture

Submitted by Shannon61 on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 3:35pm

I'm too am disgusted w/these free loading, mooching adult children.
It is just me? Why doesn't SS have a life . . a girlfriend or friends he can hang out with? At 28, I was having a ball hanging out w/friends, having/cooking dinner, taking trips, etc. If SS can afford his own condo, he can afford a bottle of wine.

Also, my SD leaves the cabinet door open too? What's with that? It drives me nuts. I also once caught SD (27) sneaking my bottle of Tide out of the house (our washer doesn't get her stuff clean). Since then, I hide that and other household stuff so she doesn't have access to it. And she would also use my shower gel. I thought about putting bleach in it, but it could ugly.

dbk519's picture

Submitted by dbk519 on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 4:39pm

Thanks for all the comments and support. My husband hasn't spoken to me all day today. Guess he thinks a bad relationship with a selfish person is better than no relationship... well, I don't... I have about had enough. I think the next time SS calls and wants to come over, I will say NO, but offer to send his Daddy to his place!!!!

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Sat, 06/25/2011 - 5:45pm

dbk519, You do not owe it to your DH to put up with this rude crap from him or SS. Next time maybe DH can take care of all of SS's needs, including waiting and picking up after him. Respect HAS to be mutual or somebody is on the losing end of the stick. As it looks right now, neither SS or DH are showing the respect for you that they are demanding you give to them. The old silent treatment? Call old freinds and let him know you don't have time for it. Good luck.

AVR1962's picture

Submitted by AVR1962 on Sun, 06/26/2011 - 1:39am

Wow! I would not like any of this. He is very much sucking the life out of you. I think the bio parents would be comfortable and keep giving as they were trained from the time the child was a baby to meet his demands but it sounds like some boundaries need to be put in place now. This is your home too and if you are not comfortable with all of this I think it is time you say something to your husband and the tweo of you work out what is and is not acceptable in your home with this SS.