Newbie and in need of advice :-)
First, I would like give you a little background information...
My husband and I have only been married two months. We've been together for over a year, and he has a 9 year old daughter. My Step daughter's mother and my husband have never been in a relationship, it was a one night stand, he didn't know he was her father until she was almost a year old.
I'm a preschool teacher, and my life revolves around kids at work, and now, I'm almost 7 months pregnant with our first child. I tell you this, because I have never felt such feelings for a child in my life, and I'm wondering what the heck is wrong with me?! I don't want her to be around, I'm a different person when she is...quiet, uninterested, and not very affectionate, to either of them. I dread when she comes to our house.
As I type this out, I wonder to myself when and why I started feeling this way about her, and my only answer is that I am not respected by either of them, when she's with us.
Yesterday was rough for me and I think that's why I came looking for a place that would hear my worries and help me to deal with them. Like I said before, I'm almost 7 months pregnant and I planned a trip to an amusement park for our family yesterday, even though I knew I wouldn't be riding any of the rides lol. I walked the place with them, with swollen feet, and a cramping belly because they were having a good time. I sat on a bench that was over loaded with other people to rest, when my husband came up to me and asked me to move because my step daughter's ankles hurt. I've have never felt so much hurt or anger towards either of them, until that point. Am I crazy and selfish?
When she's around, my husband thinks it's okay to bring up other issues in our relationship and let her in on it. They're not big issues, little ones really. I have a bird (cockatiel) that he hates. He asks her all the time if she thinks the bird is loud and annoying too. So now she goes to everyone's house and tells them that I have a loud and annoying bird at our house.. she can't even watch TV. Not to mention that she came to our home with head lice, and he let her use my bath towel, hair brush, and my pillow to sleep on, and didn't even bother telling me until the NEXT day. After spending a whole day cleaning and bagging up things to make sure we didn't keep the lice, I bought myself a new brush. This weekend, he gets it down and lets her use it again.
When I bring up my feelings to him, he calls them crazy and that I need to bond with her. I don't show her any kind of affection and he says I act like I don't even care about her. I'm at my wits end, and I definitely don't think my hormones are helping me any 
I can empathize with you a
I can empathize with you a bit. I have been in a relationship with my SO for a little over a year and a half and we just acquired his BD7. The girl has a sweet disposition, but it is definately an adjustment and I am struggling with my internal feelings. SO was with BM for two months and didn't even know she was pregnant until after they broke up and even then BM denied it was his kid for a while.
First, I think that it is totally ok for you to be feeling the way you are feeling b/c this is a huge change for you, plus you are pregnant. You did not give birth to your SD, so do not have the natural bond with the child that most moms get when they give birth. It takes a long time to develop a bond with a child that is in no way related to you (well, for me anyway). But, I feel it helps to be positive and continue to do like you do and have family outings and try to do things together. I'm sorry that your husband is not as supportive of your feelings in this situation. If you are able, it may help to talk to a family counselor before you have your baby. As for the bird thing and other similar issues...he may just be trying to bond with his daughter by making her feel like he's letting her in on little secrets and then she likes to tell others b/c she feels like she's in on a joke with her dad. I do suggest that you try to bring up these issues in a non-confrontational way or see someone to help you sort these feelings out.
Wishing you the best!
I have similar feelings as
I have similar feelings as you.
"I'm a different person when she is...quiet, uninterested, and not very affectionate, to either of them. I dread when she comes to our house."
I get this same way when my Stepson 10yrs is over, I can't wait until he leaves so we can be back to normal.
I just had a baby 12 months ago. I would say, things may get better you for you when you have your own child together. It seems like it has def. been better for us.
My stepson still gets on my nerves like crazy, but it does seem better.
I agree with Foxie - "your
I agree with Foxie - "your husband is giving this brat "wife status" and thats wrong". I feel so bad for you. Your pregnant! He should be doing everything in his power to make sure YOU are comfortable! I wish you good luck in your situation. If you think it's bad now, wait until the baby comes and the SD is not the center of attention anymore.
I have definitely thought
I have definitely thought about seeing someone, just to talk to, because I get so frustrated and think I'm insane for feeling the way I do.
Foxie, you should have seen the look on my cousins face when he asked me to move off the bench. I just wish he could have seen it, then maybe he would feel a little differently.
I have thought that maybe it will get easier with the new baby, but I'm so afraid that it won't. I guess I'll take it day by day.
No....you're not going crazy!
No....you're not going crazy! Your H should not be giving his little princess wife status. It could be because he's a typical guilty dad, and so he has to take cheap shots at you (and your bird) in order to make his daughter feel better. Either way... it’s wrong. He has huge problems with boundaries too and that will always be an issue until he can see that you have the right to your own things, space, etc. His daughter is a child, and he needs to treat her like one. I hope he treats your bio the same when they are born too and gets put on a pedestal like SD.
would your husband be willing
would your husband be willing to talk to a couple's counselor with you at all? i say this b/c it does sound like he could use a little bit of a wake up call.... its not just you working through this adjustment. i mean, yes you can go to individual therapy to help you vent/deal with his daughter and this whole situation (how you react to him adn her). but ... your DH might not change. and he NEEDS to treat you as an equal and not his daughter as the equal. my SO's daughter is 10 yrs old. we started dating when she was 7/8 yrs old. so.. i am familiar with this age of little girls. and quite honestly, i think its a longer adjustment period than if you started dating your bhusband when his kid was .. 5 yrs old.
he is clearly showing you a lack of respect... and by the sounds of what he's saying to you.... he does not see it. my SO and i have been in couple's therapy for about 6 months. its actually helping. its not always fun or easy, but its nice having an outside non-biased party to kind of bounce these situations off of and kind of nicely suggest some "fair ways of reacting and tactics". i think my SO listens to the shrinks ideas better since they come out of her mouth, as apose to just mine, haha.
anyway, good luck!!!!