SD (27) can out think DH on his best day
Most of you know my story. DH and I have been married a few years and SD (27) who lives w/us is getting married next year. SD and I really don't get along but I mind my own business and am civil.
Yesterday she and DH went out to buy him a father's day gift. Today only after asking him "what did the two of you talk about?" He told me she said she wanted to move out before the wedding because she wants to live on her own again before getting married (lived alone when she went away to college). She also told him she needs her privacy and we need our privacy as well. This may be the result of our "sneaking away to the bedroom" the other night after SD told us she was leaving and would be back. So after hearing this, what did DH tell her? He discouraged her by telling her "gee honey, that's money that you can save, you don't have to do that." She however told him her mind was made up and she'd already started looking and is planning to be gone in 2 months.
I think it's all a bunch of BS. And I'll believe it when I see it. She doesn't have the balls to get her own place. She wanted to guilt DH into telling her she's more than welcome to stay her w/us . .and he fell for it. And I'm sure as hell not going to start acting like I want her here because I don't. I wanted to bite DH's head off, but who wants to start an argument on Father's day. Frickin pathetic.
Maybe I'll get lucky and SD will surprise me . . I can only hope and pray.
Hope she is serious and
Hope she is serious and moves. Your husband needs to be bopped in the head. She's old enough to be on her own. Sounds like daddy don't want to let his princess go.
I hope she is too. She told
I hope she is too. She told DH and I that she feels that she's not wanted here. I think I've made her feel like that because she's caused me grief and because she's an adult and should have been gone years ago. I felt if I treated her that way, she'd leave sooner.
I also think she wants me to treat her like a caring, loving SD and I just can't do it because of all the crap she's done. I forgive her, but I can't treat someone like a princess after they've treated me like Shi!@. I just can't do it. The best you'll get from me is cordial.
DH doesn't want to let go and I don't know what else to do. So I'm hoping she'll stick to her word, but from past experience her word is nothing but fluff.
:sick:
You should tell her that you
You should tell her that you heard she wanted to move out before the wedding, offer to get her boxes, or drive with her to look at apartments. see what she says and if she thinks your being mean just tell her you wanted to help her with her wish of being independent.
that's a good idea! That
that's a good idea! That away you can find out if she's serious or if she's just playing games. If she really is serious, grab all the boxes you can before she changes her mind!
That's an excellent idea
That's an excellent idea Buttercookie. I feel like I'm being portrayed as some type of monster because I want a damn near 30 year old to grow up and move out. And that she'll blab to every one in the family and give them the "they didn't want me there" sob story . . like she's some type of charity case who's not capable of living a normal life on her own. Thanks.
It will be a cold day in Hell
It will be a cold day in Hell before I live with SD21 again in our house. At least being in a different country makes it a bigger hassle for her. She is also apparently finishing her education choices and that could be another 3 or 4 years....
It sounds like she is making all the right noises to her Daddy......are you guys paying for this Wedding next year ??? Is it all booked up??
When SD finished High School, she thought she would be hanging around still living with us before starting College in the Fall.....No way, I got her back living with relatives....BM didn't want her back....DH was hoping she get a Summer job and get sorted out....no chance she spent the Summer holed up in her room on the Internet, what she's been doing for the last five Summers !!!!!
I'm scared if she returned it would be for YEARS !!!!! Arrrrrrghhhhhh !!!!!
I don't get these kids who
I don't get these kids who want to live at home. I guess parents make it way too comfortable. I understand, if they are in school or lose their jobs, for a temporary thing. I left home at 17, right after graduation from HS. My oldest DD came home the first summer of college and never again after that. I bluntly told my youngest she was not to live at home after college graduation. She got mad (she's a homebody) but it was necessary for her to stretch her wings and get away from the homies in a dead end place. Now she lives out West.
Ask your DH, isn't it important for her to learn how to take care of herself and her own place? Going from home to marriage is so Victorian. If something happens in her marriage, is she going to come home again? Or become a self-supporting adult? It's all enabling a way too long childhood. I'd be embarrassed if I were her.
MY SD still lives with BM at 22, with a kid. Now and then she abuses SS, 18, so gets threatened with being kicked out and having to "find a place." But it dies down and she's still there. Since BM is never there, I can see SD living there until she gets married. Maybe even move her husband in. I wouldn't doubt it. Now our concern is getting recent grad SS out of that s***hole town.
I too left home at 17, I was
I too left home at 17, I was still in full time education, had a weekend job AND a babysitting job during the week. Cannot believe that SD after 5 years still has NO JOB !!??
College is finished and here we go again, she is looking for work, but it is SOOO HARD or so she bleats. DH was so PROUD in Feb this year when she had a job for about six hours a week for about three weeks, the poor dear couldn't handle it though..........I knew she had left it, but she didn't tell DH for months !!! I can guess what will happen......she will spend weeks LOOKING then manage a few hours a week and then stop after a week or so. Why bother she has the money for College and DH will cough up for anything else.
I'm guessing it won't be long before this skid and many others like her get their OWN credit cards and then DH will be paying them off !!!
Instead of encouraging her,
Instead of encouraging her, he discouraged her because he wants her here as long as possible. After all the arguments about her being lazy, doing stupid stuff, and not being accountable, DH still wants her here.
And as far as I'm concerned he's dishonoring his marriage and choosing his allegiance to her, over his allegiance to me. Am I the only one who sees it this way? Why else would he want her to stay when he knows I want her to leave? And knowing that's its TIME for her to leave?
I'm saving my money so when she and her DH break up and she calls DH to move back home, I'll be making the next call to a real estate agent.
They are both pathetic and make me sick.
44 ??? OMG !!!
44 ??? OMG !!!
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
SD will be taking care of
SD will be taking care of herself at 44. She has an advanced degree and will be more than capable of providing for her self and her family. But after listening to my tales of woe, one would think she's challenged in some capacity.
The bigger issue is that she doesn't want to let go of her daddy's balls. Moving back home is one thing, I'm just trying to get her to go before she turns 30 and our marriage is doomed forever. I want to know what it feels like to be married and under the same roof with only one person . . . my DH. Someone please, tell me what that feels like?
SD isn't going any place.
SD isn't going any place. She played a head game w/DH to find out if she'd overstayed her welcome and of course, he fell for it. This is one of the many reasons I don't like her. She think she's smarter than everyone else, but I see through her BS.
My DH's knows I'm very private, it was a concern before we got married, but obviously it's not for my DH. So I've lost a certain amount of respect for him. He just doesn't want to let her go, and can't see that he's not only crippling her for the rest of her life, but that he's also destroying our marriage in the process.
OMG..... This is what I would
OMG..... This is what I would be thinking about my SD doing!! I see through SD's bs too and whatever way I played it before....SD came out smelling of roses!! Grrrr !! You must be livid, what are you going to do ??
Your SD is good, very gooood, she has DH's balls in a vice !! WTF are you going to do????
Sad when you can look at a
Sad when you can look at a person and only see maliciousness - which is obviously what you've seen the most to even consider it.
Yeah, she's got a good grip on them. Today he said he's not feeling well. I know it's bothering him which is just what she wants. I'm hoping . . praying that she'll go through with it. Either she'll keep her word (which means nothing) and move out or just wait and move next year after they get married .. bottom line is that she's moving . . . sooner or later. I can't raise nor do I want to live with selfish/lazy adult children.