Long story but need some legal advice
I am new to this site and googled it but have some serious questions and issues. I appreciate you reading but I think I need to start from the beginning.
I am recently married and have two beautiful step girls. My husbands ex wife is however crazy and has been talking crap about me to the girls and to my husband. This is extremely bothersome for both reasons, one of which the girls have to hear it from her, and the fact that my husband has to defend me to her. This is a strain on mine and my husbands relationship as I want know what the crazy is saying to him about me. Also I worry about what the girls hear and really care about their opinions of me.
The wrench thrown into this is that a year ago I went to rehab for a drinking problem. My husband, boyfriend at the time, told his ex about this to have an open communication about who the girls were going to be around which she has used constantly to her advantage to throw what a rotten human being I have been. I has a relapse about a month ago that she found out about. I unfortunately came home when the girls where there and even though I am not sure how much about that one particular instance they know about, its been thrown at my husband over and over that I am a drunk. There have been many more colorful names used about me to him but this is the one that is going to affect us the most with out relationship and things with the girls. She also happens to be friends with one of MY coworkers and I believe she has told this coworker about my issues with drinking. I haven't found out yet if this is something that has or will get spread around my job. The ex has even told the 13 year old girl that if I ever come home drunk again that she needs to call her and let her know. I have not had an open talk with my step daughters about my issues with drinking as they have not seen it up until a month ago. I am not sure what the ex has told the girls. My thoughts are that since she will say mean things about me and their father in front of them that she has no filter. My opinions of her are held from the girls and she is always talked about in a positive manner.
About 6 months ago the ex had a public blog where she expressed her opinions of me and the ex. She ended up taking it down since my husband told her it was slaundering.
I am literally fed up. I have read her text messages and emails to my husband which are bad enough but the remarks she makes towards the girls could potentially damage the relationship that I have with them. Also the fact that she has let one of my coworkers in on my own private matters is extremely bothersome. I have contemplated contacting a lawyer but I am not sure what to even say. We have 50/50 custody of the girls and we do pay child support.
I guess really I am not sure what to say to the girls and if I have any rights legally to get her to shut the blank up. If things come out at my job I will be handling that separately as I know that I was covered under FMLA act.
Any thoughts or advice is much appreciated.
Let me start by saying I am
Let me start by saying I am so sorry you have all that stress you have to deal with. And congrats on your road to recovery and sobriety!! Its not easy I know, and you have a lot of strength and courage to work through it!
Now....on to the best part-I know there are some court systems that have a parent advocate/coordinator that work with the parents to help keep a happy medium. The good thing about this is when one parent is doing something that could be considered harmful to the overall relationships between the children and other set of parents, they can document and step in. This would serve a couple of purposes for you-1. you would have someone helping to make the situation a LOT more tolerable as well as curb the nasty talk, and 2. document things that have been said and occurred for courts should it get to that point, and 3.they will help set boundaries!! One of my closest friends has one, and even though her ex is a jackhole, it has helped her a lot because she has someone that is helping to set boundaries, discouraging negative talk and behaviors.
It's not much, but hopefully its a good start for you. Hope it helps!!!
Actually Sknowitall, check
Actually Sknowitall, check with the Indiana court system in Marion county -I happen to know for a FACT they do. Guess thats the advantage of having a friend work for the state's child and welfare division, a best friend go through it as well as the criminal justice/paralegal studies I am involved in.
Just because your state or county doesn't, that does not mean all family courts out there don't. I am not stating that her state/county definitely has it....I am suggesting that it is explored for possibilities. Encouragement is the purpose here....not discouragement.
Does it directly effect the
Does it directly effect the kids? Ummmm....yeah, it sure sounds like it! Does it cause conflict between the parents? You bet it does! Does that trickle down to the kids? Yep....sure does. Point being, the courts are more concerned about the safety, health and welfare of the KIDS. Frankly, they don't really care about the parents or the step parents....however, the goal is to get everyone to play nice with each other so the KIDS can grow up in a healthier, happier environment.
THAT was my point, but you seem to want to take it in a totally different direction and be confrontational over a suggestion. I am NOT saying this is a direct way to help with the substance abuse....what I am saying is this a way to help reduce the stress and tension, help curb the bashing, and the side effect COULD BE legal documentation of the issues SHOULD things be escalated to where courts are involved. Geesh. I don't get your hostility at all....like I said before, the purpose is to help and to give ideas, not to be hateful and confrontational with other members who give suggestions on things.
OK...you are taking this
OK...you are taking this WAYYY too far! Life is full of risk, and there NEVER is a guarantee unless we are talking about paying taxes and dying. Honestly, it's a suggestion to explore....nothing else. I am not promising the moon, just tossing out there what I have seen to work for someone else, and that's all. Now, it's up to that person to take the suggestion and do with it what they see best. If they chose to explore it further--great. If they feel it's not a good fit--that's fine too.
Do you like to be confrontational? I mean, really....why this attack and being so defensive over something that truly has nothing to do with you? There's no need for negativity from you or anyone else for that matter. I think everyone would agree with me when I say that we all have enough negativity and confrontations to deal with, and really don't want, need or desire to seek it out. Support...yes. Advice....yes. Ideas.....absolutely. Confrontations...NO. Negativity....ABSOLUTELY NOT.
My suggestion to you is to drop it, leave your negative attitude behind and see things for what they are truly are, and stop being so damn confrontational! Geesh! How about you try to pull from your own experiences or from what you have seen help a friend or family member in the past rather than burning your energy to toss out negative comments. Afterall, isn't that what she is asking for?? Advice??
^^^THIS^^^ ::applause::
^^^THIS^^^
::applause::
Awesome point, snickersgal. I
Awesome point, snickersgal. I love the quote you put at the bottom.....I believe it is something we all should take to heart.
I agree with both hrdaybaby
I agree with both hrdaybaby and snickersgal.
You really need to have DH stop telling your business to BM. I swear if I found out that my DH did something like that he would likely get beat with a cast iron skillet (not really but I would want to badly)! Your business is your business. The relationship between you and DH is just that, between you and DH. The drinking issue could POTENTIALLY effect the skids. Until the time that if or when it does then they need not know about it.
My grandmother would always tell me and my cousins "skat now this is grown folks talk", when we would try to "overhear" their conversations. We knew to get the heck outta dodge too! LOL. I use that to this day with our skids/kids. It's none of their business about our personal lives or personal issues. Their job is to obey us and be kids. That's it.
As far as legal advise, I have none. It wouldn't hurt to look into what hrtdaybaby suggested because each state/county are totally different in how they handle things of this nature.
I'm also sure BM isn't perfect and there are probably some pretty scary skeletons lurking in her closet. She needs to be reminded of that!
I understand what you are
I understand what you are saying, however, what I was talking about is a middleman, nothing more. This person has some sway in the courts SHOULD things escalate. In my friend's case, her ex is a complete nightmare. He emotionally toys with their 6yr old daughter, and has pinned the older kids on his side and encouraged them to harass her and her boyfriend/fiancée `. Her ex has some issues. BIG TIME. He called her several times a day to harass her about nothing. Literally. One day I counted 35 calls from her ex and he filled her voicemail with hateful messages geared at her and her boyfriend. Her ex had also tried to go so far as to encourage a physical confrontation with her boyfriend, and has tried to insinuate some very uncouth things. Bottom line is, when she got a parent coordinator involved, the parent coordinator helped set boundaries, and helped be the middleman when it came to communication regarding visits, etc. When the ex escalated the harassment towards my friend and her boyfriend, the documentation by the coordinator was submitted and he was slapped on the hand, told bad boy don't do it again, and so on.
Bottom line is this--she has asked for LEGAL advice. All though I may not be an attorney...yet...I have given her a legal option to explore. As I have stated before, what she does with it is her choice. I have other opinions on a more personal level that I feel would be good options. But, she hasn't asked for that. Legal advice is what she has requested. So....I have given her a legal option to explore.
lol I guess it's all in how
lol I guess it's all in how one interprets things!
BTW kellyannsred....try this
BTW kellyannsred....try this site- http://www.justanswer.com
This is a site set up to give free legal advice from actual attorneys that volunteer their time to help answer legal questions on all sorts of topics. I have used it personally myself, and found it to be helpful for what I was using it for. Good luck!!