This gives new meaning to 'BM Sense of Entitlement!'
Ok, so I've always said that my step kids BM has quite the sense of entitlement, but she really went overboard this weekend. My SD12 was with her BM this weekend. She had a dance rehearsal so I said I would meet them there (to order photos and drop off items for the concession stand). Of course she showed up late as always. When BM arrived, she had both SD12 and BM's 2-year old daughter (by her current husband) with her. BM proceeded to tell me that the reason they were late was because her 2 year old had to use the potty. She said "I hope you don't mind, we stopped at your house so she could go to the bathroom." WHAT?!?! I was totally speechless! I didn't say anything and I can only assume that she knew that I was bothered by it, but I didn't want to make a scene in front of my SD or her little sister. I get that when a kid has to potty, you don't have much time, but we literally live 3 minutes from a grocery store, couldn't she have taken her there? Or how about AT LEAST calling to ask if it was ok? She knew that no one would be there because she knew I was waiting for her at rehearsal and that my husband and SS14 were away on a school trip. We live in a small town and don't see a need to lock the house when I'm only gone for a bit, but apparently there is a BIG need now! We may have to share the kids, but I do NOT have to share MY HOUSE! Can you believe the nerve of some people? I just don't even know why she ever even told me about it? I really wouldn't have ever known.
I'm not sure what to say to her about it now, if anything...I am just still so shocked that she sees absolutley nothing wrong with it.
Just keep your doors locked.
Just keep your doors locked. I think she really was out of line, but it's easy to prevent this. And as a side note, things sometimes happen in small towns. It probably isn't a good idea to leave your house open.
I don't think that locking
I don't think that locking the door would have changed the situation at all anyway. If we had the door locked, we'd have to give keys to the stepkids so they can let themselves in afterschool and stuff like that. Since she had SD with her, she would have just used her key anyway...
you could put a dead bolt on
you could put a dead bolt on that your stepkids don't have a key to and just don't lock it on the days they have school, but the rest of the time lock it, if that was a worry for you.
Well first off, I would start
Well first off, I would start locking my doors, its a shame that even though you live in a nice place you can't do that anymore. Second your husband needs to talk to her about this.....she can't just go in your home with no one there. Even if it was your stepchild it would have been the wrong thing to do. This is why I really don't want my ss to have a key, he is young and he doesn't need to get in from off the bus or anything so I don't think he needs to have one. My husband agrees, we pick him up so he is never coming home when we arent there anyway.......my ss may never get a key if things stay the way they are.
WOOOOW that is insane! I do
WOOOOW that is insane! I do not understand why she would feel comfortable with that idea?? O my child has to use the restroom well I am around the corner from my ex I will just use his???? Ummmm not. I do not understand BMs who want to throw themselves into other peoples lives. Drop your kids off at the designated areas, pay or receive your child support without incident, be respectful if and when you are in front of said ex or his wife/girlfriend, and there will be no issues. She can move on and so can the BD. I really dont understand these women like is there something in the water??
I think that there is
I think that there is definitely something in the water. These women just do not know how to move on with their lives nor do they seem to want to. They don't know how to be independent.
It was a year after moving in
It was a year after moving in here, that I realized that BM had our garage door progammed in her car. I flipped out on DH and he changed the code the next day. Lock your doors...
omg your BM is sooo crazy
omg your BM is sooo crazy
She really doesn't get it,
She really doesn't get it, and does stuff like this all the time. It probably really shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did. She is always calling my husband and asking him to work on her car or work on her computer or even about medical symptoms she's having (he is experienced in those areas). He always says no, and tells her to go ask her HUSBAND...I can't even imagine ever asking an ex for favors like she does, I would think her current husband wouldn't like it either, but he probably just doesn't know about it. She even called my husband when she thought she was in labor with her daughter (by her current husband) before she even called her doctor! She has no boundaries.
At least my husband is good about it and always says no to her requests. The only time he ever went to bail her out was when the kids were really young and she called him because she had a flat tire...he did go change it for her and then got the heck out of there!
When I told him about her coming into our house, he was really angry. He's a big fan of "picking your battles" though so he'll probably just let it go unspoken.
I get that we could have prevented it by locking the door, but I'm not ok with feeling like this was somehow MY fault. Yes, I could have locked the door, but the real issue is that she was wrong to come into our house uninvited.
I'm a very private person, so
I'm a very private person, so I don't understand how this is not a battle to choose. She came into your house when you weren't there and used the bathroom! That to me is a hill to die on.
I agree with you. Locking the
I agree with you. Locking the door and a deadbolt will prevent the situation but what about OTHER situations? Obviously if she lacks boundaries enough to this extent there will be a lot more things of this caliber happening. I would explain how I felt to my DH and ask him to PLEASE say something to her, preferably on speakerphone or in person while I am there so I could chime in as well. This kind of behavior shouldnt go un commented on or it will escalate.
Start locking your doors, or,
Start locking your doors, or, thry the hillbilly burgler alarm, vaseline on your door knobs, marbles on the floors, guaranteed if she does it again, she will stop just, "walking in"
snoopyinoz I love your
snoopyinoz I love your hillbilly alam system that is fantastic! Stepmomx2 I do not understand women of her kind i really dont. I would never call my ex for anything but if I had kids I would only call when necessary like medical emergency or any other emergency. I dont understand what she thinks is appropriate. I am sorry but that is just so annoying. I am glad you DH is good about it though thats fantastic. When BM texts my SO we laugh at her together its a bonding experience lol. She doesnt know where we live or our house number THANK GOD!
Wasn't there a BM that would
Wasn't there a BM that would bake cupcakes in the SM's house? Something about SM would come home to find BM in her kitchen baking cupcakes? THAT was a real weird situation right there. I didn't even think it was real...
Doncha know that BMs OWN the
Doncha know that BMs OWN the "fathers of their children" (TM) for the rest of their natural born days AND all the property that they reside in or anything they come in contact with or touch.
This also goes for THEIR children (meaning the BM's children are OWNED by the BM and not to be parented by father or anyone else for that matter; not even the BM) Anything their precious poopsiekins touches is by default property of the BM's!!
{sarcasm tags OFF}
Like the deadbolt idea!!
OMG WHAT1?!? WHAT WHAT!!LOL I
OMG WHAT1?!? WHAT WHAT!!LOL I HOPE YOUR HUBBY TOLD HER OFF ABOUT THAT!
I just don't understand this
I just don't understand this take the high road thing all the time. I can understand the pick your battles wisely thing. And why shoud the SO always have to deal with the crazy BMs? That's a battle I would have gladly taken on in very tactful manner of course. It's my house and BM was trespassing. I would have said something. Sometimes BMs need to know who they are dealing with. The BM in my life has no idea who she is dealing with which if great for me. She has multiple personality disorders which means her since of entitlement is higher than most. She is used to screwing people over and then walking away and nobody ever saying anything to her about it. She has tried to screw me over and I have called her out on it. Plus she just can't walk away from me. I'm sure I drive her nuts. All her little plans to break SO and I up have never worked and I'm not the type of person she is used to dealing with. I think it's great. I will not just lay down and let this lady walk all over me and expect SO to deal with it. I am a big girl and have no problem standing up for myself when I feel that it is warranted.
I've walked out of my bedroom
I've walked out of my bedroom ( on the 2nd floor of our house ) to find BM standing there looking around. Told her to get the hell out of MY house in no uncertain terms. She said she was "looking for the SK's" who were in their room. After that moment, every door in my house stays locked 24/7/365. SK's don't even have the combination to our garage door opener keypad. If their dad isn't here, THEY'RE not here. Period.
BM also used to call DH and ask him if he could come check her cable because something was wrong with their TV, change breaks on the car, help put together a computer desk, um, let see... landscape her back yard. And yes, she's remarried.
I told DH if he was going to go do her bidding, well, don't come back thankyouverymuch.
So I get the BM just waltzing into your house and how creepy that probably makes you feel. And I also get the no boundaries thing. Drives me freaking nuts, I don't even walk into my own MOTHER'S house without knocking... it's just something I feel is courteous to do.
Wow! The nerve of some
Wow! The nerve of some people. I think you have the right idea. I really don't see why skids have to be at there if their bio parent isn't home. When these elaborate custody arrangements are worked out, aren't the actual bio parents schedules taken into consideration?
Actually I made that rule
Actually I made that rule because if my DH isn't home, my SK's would be absolutely HORRIBLE to me and my kids. One time they secretly called their mom to come get them, they snuck out of the house and she picked them up down the street and took them home.
A couple times they would call their mom with some hyped up issue and she'd come over to try to rip me a new one. She would never do this if my DH had been home.
So from that moment on, No DH means NO SK's because I told my DH I don't need that.
Maybe it is time to get a BIG
Maybe it is time to get a BIG dog...!
I definitely would have said something right away. I am sure you were shocked, and as you said, didn't want to make a scene.
However, you can say what you want to say through a clenched teeth smile and get your point across.
Something to the effect, "I guess I didn't realize my HOME was a PUBLIC REST AREA! I will have to make sure that people realize that it is NOT, in the future!"
No scene, just making YOUR POV perfectly clear to the BM.
And I can't believe that your H wasn't all over her about that too.