An Unhappy Ending
So everything finally came to a head last night. Me and my fiance were in bed watching TV and I came into the kitchen to get something to drink, and lo and behold, there sits his daughter on the computer. We had no clue she even came in the house, no phone call, no knock on the door, nothing. I walked right past her without saying a word, got my drink, and went back to the bedroom and told my fiance that she was here. He was surprised, came out to speak to her, and you could tell she was in bitch mode. She asked him to walk outside so they could talk privately. Well, he really let her have it! Told her to leave her attitude at the door next time or dont even bother coming over here, that disrespect is not tolerated in this house. He finally set boundaries, which is what Ive been telling him to do for years. She left on a bad note, telling him he better think about what he said. My fiance is afraid she thinks he chose me over her and thats not even the case here. Well, after all that, he came back inside, very upset, and was telling me what all he told her and her reaction and such. Then he threw a curve ball at me, telling me if he loses his daughter from all this, then I am outta here. I never dreamed he would threaten me with that, knowing I have no job and no place to go. I feel so insecure right now, I have begun looking for work so me and my 12 yr old son can move eventually. I dont see a wedding happening either. And I told my fiance if I stay here, he will always blame me for what happened. Im at the point where I just want to sell all I own, (which isnt much) and get a fresh start. Im really scared now, I dont want to be another homeless person on the streets, me, my son, and my little Yorkie dog. Now Im wishing he had never told her that, but he said I pushed him into doing that. And maybe I did in a sense, but I get so tired of seeing him hurt over and over because of her shitty attitude. The least she could do is be cordial to me in front of him, and curse me out after she leaves if she chooses. I just think its so disrespectful to her dad as well as me, and as good as hes been to her she treats him like crap. I just dont get it.
I would make plans to leave.
I would make plans to leave. Once he said something like that it can never be UN-said. Let him have his precious little bitch. He doesn't deserve you.
Funny how they love to make
Funny how they love to make US the ogre, when in fact, had they been truly PARENTING from the beginning, odds are these confrontations would be very unlikely.
I can't stand the loyalty conflict thing and how, in particular SDAUGHTERS, love to milk this. Probably b/c they've been told all along by the BM that "daddy chose that woman over you and me"
:sick:
Time to start your exit plan ASAP!
I know you are under stress
I know you are under stress rght now. The most important thing for any woman, especially a mother, is to be independent. I would never marry a man if I did nt have the means to tak care of myself financially and emotionally. I get setting the boundaries, I have done that. What I do not understand is what diod the daughter do thatwas so wrong? Had dad told her she was not allowed in the house unannounced? How old is she? How come you did not say hello to her? There are always 2 (sometimes 3 sides to these stories. Try to keep your coll right now. If you have skills, put them to work. If you do not, apply for a a student grant, get your butt t a tech school and learn a skill now, TODAY!!!. look into housing you can find a way to afford and become accountable for your life. Sorry to be so harsh, but look at where you are. If things fall apart, look into the yorkshire rescue for you dog and see if you canfind a foster (short term) home for the pup. If you are unable to care for yoru son, can bio dad or family members help there? Things will work out, but you have to do your part
I'd flat out tell fiance that
I'd flat out tell fiance that you are NOT his scapegoat! He was probably filled with anxiety and insecurity his own self too, which by no means justifies what he said to you. If you can get him to understand your thoughts first, then you can get him to empathise with your feelings and then the situation can improve.
It's out there to agree or disagree with me here. What I found out is that over the years every fight I had with DH was a learning curve for one or both of us. A disagreement took place whereby we both aired our grievances (albeit loudly sometimes) and got to mull over what the other said. Often there are apologies on both sides and a new understanding is reached. We are only human after all!
It's a roller coaster ride being a step mother but it's a wonderful moment when the light flickers in their eyes and they get a new perspective. I believe that it takes patience, understanding and time to raise any kid, not just step kids!
First, SO SO SO sorry you are
First, SO SO SO sorry you are experiencing this. I have been where you are now. If you can convince your Fiance that regardless of whether you were there or not, he'd still have to be a parent, things will get easier. I don't know how old your SD is, but it sounds like she's in her teens. Sadly, at this age, attitude is what you're going to get. (some of it is the age...most of it is the kids getting what they want because of the divorce)
Let your Fiance know that you will support his decisions and be there to back him up. Let him know that he's NOT in it alone. Too many times they feel like they're alone. They're afraid of losing their kids.
I wish I had an easy answer for you, but there is none. One thing I can suggest is you two need to sit down and get on the same page...then stick to it!
I would tell dear fiance to
I would tell dear fiance to shove his crappie parenting skills up his ass because that is what has caused him his problems. Or how about the fact that HE is not with the BM for some reason which likely has nothing to do with you, so that is ALL on him.
WTF is it with these people always trying to place the blame others and excuse their and their kids actions as though they had nothing to do with creating the damn problems to begin with!
Your failure yesterday does not my problem make today.
I do agree with all that is
I do agree with all that is being said here. This girl is 22 yrs. old and just graduated college. Ive been with her dad for almost 5 yrs. and since day 1, I could tell this girl wasnt going to accept me. She has went above and beyond to make our lives miserable with the hope that one of us will snap and we will end our relationship. Ive never seen a grown girl act so ugly. This is all new to me and Im just not used to the ugliness and the disrespect. I myself and very personable and always polite regardless of the situation. Ive tried conversating with her, but she says nothing in return and acts like Im not even there. So I decided to be cold steel as well and not even bother trying. My fiance and his x have been divorced for 7 yrs. She is a bad alcoholic, and gets really mean when she drinks, that is why they are no longer together. She even called him last night after all this (probably had her a few beers) and asked him why he was being so mean to her (the daughter) They got into a screaming match and she hung up on him. I should mention I had to go to the ER last Tuesday i was hurting so badly and having internal bleeding. The doc said it was stress related (go figure). I am now on medication, but am so afraid it will happen again and ill wind up back in the hospital. I cant wait for the day when she enters the workforce and meets someone who is meaner and nastier than herself. She really needs a taste of her own medicine.
Good grief, I too am sorry to
Good grief, I too am sorry to hear this, but it's typical. Instead of parents taking the blame for pathetic parenting, they want to shift the blame to someone else.
First off, she shouldn't have been there . . unless she called and asked if she could come over. Why does she have the green light to come and pleases if she doesn't live there? Her actions are about power plain and simple. Your SO did the right thing in reaming her, but his comment to you gave all of his power back to SD. Your relationship hinges on the outcome of her actions, thus giving her the control she desires.
It is indeed time for you to plan an exit strategy. As you're looking for work, go back to school and prepare yourself to be self reliant so you can take care of yourself and your son. Many accredited schools now have online classes which makes it convenient to work and study.
SO's threat was mean spirited, petty and triffling. You don't do that to people you care about, and it was totally unnecessary. His job is to be your protector and provider, not make threats that foster insecurity. He should be ashamed of himself. I'm really going easy on him here.
Since you don't have any financial leverage right now, I'd try to not speak of SD in any terms to keep peace in the household. My top priority would be planning and preparing to get out of there and getting myself and my child in a secure and stable environment. Finally, don't allow this foolishness to break your spirit. Stay encouraged and good luck.
Thanks so much Shannon! I am
Thanks so much Shannon! I am a bookkeeper/secretary by trade and have been looking for work since February. But jobs are scarce and Ive always had one up until November of last year. I had to quit due to my mother getting ill. I was living with her at the time, but had to put her in a nursing home. They took her house so that is why I am here with my fiance. This is my second time living here. I do have an interview next week and Im very excited about that. My fiance did apologize to me earlier about the remark he made last night, but I told him I am still moving out. I dont want him to have to choose between me and his daughter. He said i could stay here as long as needed till i get a job and get some money saved up. I prefer to be self sufficient, I want to support myself. But Im really caught between a rock and a hard place so to speak. I know this man loves me and hes so stressed out and frustrated with his daughters BS. He feels hes stuck in the middle and he is in a sense. I told him many times before that I truly believe his x is behind alot of the girls attitude toward me. I think he is beginning to believe that might be true. (the daughter lives with her)He has asked her what her problem is with me and she can never give him a direct answer, she doesnt have one! Her mother is a POS, but the daughter adores her even though she cheated on her dad, got on drugs, and is a drunk. Makes no sense to me. And dad is a good amn, always there for his kids. Hes the one who should be praised and adored, not that shitty acting mother.
You know and I say this to my
You know and I say this to my DH all the time because of POS SS - it is not about making choice between me and his son - it is about doing the right thing. Not accepting rude behavior and abiding by rules and not enabling drug addicts.
I'm glad to hear he did step
I'm glad to hear he did step up and apologize. I'm finding more and more that SDs are just like there BMs . . .difficult and impossible to live with. I'm also sorry to hear about your mom. We had to put my uncle in a nursing home recently and I know how stressful that can be.
It does sound like your SO realizes the issue is w/SD and is trying to get to the bottom of her issues. She's clearly jealous. She needs to grow up and get a life. Karma is a !@@. In the short time I've been married, my SD has been through hell for all the stuff she's done to me. I think she's finally made the connection. When you treat people like Shi! . . expect life to return the same to you. She'll get hers.
Once you move out, your SO will have time to really reflect on what's important and the move may be the very thing that will save your relationship. And you won't have to deal w/SD and her BS. I can't imagine walking in a room finding someone in the house who doesn't live there. What if you had been stark naked? It would have served her right.
I hope all goes well on your interview next week and wish you the very best.