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fake love (fake hugs) from skids

aidenmama's picture

Submitted by aidenmama on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 3:16pm

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so hubby had the skids over this weekend and naturally I was out the whole day with my own biokids until very late, from 8am til 10:30PM hanging out with my mom. Yesterday the left and said good bye I said "bye" and they walked out the door with my hubby. Two minutes later they came back in and gave me a very fake light hug with one arm. I did the same.

I know my husband told them to do that because why would they leave and them come back in to do that. he knows we dont really have a relationship because I dont like the biomom and they have her fake personality.

I would much rather go without the fasle love/hug and just keep it at goodbye..

I wonder why my husband is trying to force love that aint there

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 3:19pm

Aww, the fake hug. Dont you love those? Strangely my ss used to give me these from a very early age. Around 4 or so. He would only hug me when he saw my own children hug me first. It was only when I dropped him off at the babysitters in the morning. I met him right as he was turning 2 and at first I would get occassional spontaneous hugs but by this age it was only the fake ones. By age 8 or so those stopped as well. Now there are no hugs. Which I agree with you-Id rather have no hugs any day than fake ones. I never complained to dh as I always thought he'd think I was being mean-he would try and tell me they were genuine and I didnt want to start an argument.

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 3:21pm

yep...the fakers~~~ :sick: at least is consistent with the rest of the way sd lies to the world

somerg's picture

Submitted by somerg on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 3:21pm

i used to get that, now i don't get a bye or a hug, but i'd perfer nothing over something fake

aidenmama's picture

Submitted by aidenmama on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 3:48pm

no I dont talk and deal with people I dont like or know they dont like me. Their alliance is with the bm as it should be, and since she is nothing but a gold digging, fake liar and they have her personality I dont deal with them. Hubby knows this and he really cant say anything about it

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 3:24pm

Two thoughts though for me-your dh is trying to teach them to show some respect and affection for you-sometimes forced becomes habit.

I have to tell my kids to hug their dad when he picks them up-it's the polite thing to do.

As for my sd-normally when she just comes in I approach her w/a hug-and when she is leaving also-but sometime during the middle she normally spontaneously approaches me on her own to give me a hug or get cuddly. She's been a little more distant lately-but so have I -we haven't seen her as much and her behavior had worsened since her moms new lover came in the picture and trash talked her dad-and most likely me as well. At least this wknd went good the few hrs I saw her-we can only pray that amidst the crazy talk she hears from mom that she develops her own relationship w/us.

I know it's hard to accept the fake hugs but I think it's better then the alternative of them completely ignoring you.

aidenmama's picture

Submitted by aidenmama on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 3:59pm

I would rather they completly ignore me. I can only get so close to them because of the mom constantly trying to get in our financial business, she doesnt mind trying to make us homeless just so she can live lavish, so no I am only going to get so close.

aidenmama's picture

Submitted by aidenmama on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 4:00pm

I would rather they completly ignore me. I can only get so close to them because of the mom constantly trying to get in our financial business, she doesnt mind trying to make us homeless just so she can live lavish, so no I am only going to get so close.

aidenmama's picture

Submitted by aidenmama on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 4:00pm

I would rather they completly ignore me. I can only get so close to them because of the mom constantly trying to get in our financial business, she doesnt mind trying to make us homeless just so she can live lavish, so no I am only going to get so close.

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 3:27pm

yeah, so i don't have to go wash my clothes and take a shower!! }:) stemming from the disinfecting post Biggrin

aidenmama's picture

Submitted by aidenmama on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 4:07pm

yeah I hear ya, and it sure doesnt help that ss16 didnt take a shower when he got dressed for church and neither did ss9 but ss16 chose to bath in funky cologne to cover up his stench.

starfish's picture

Submitted by starfish on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 4:11pm

at least both my skids bathe ~ thank goodness, b/c they stink naturally (sd's feet and ss all over).... but the shit sd bathes with or colognes she uses :sick: , dh & i ask her not to use it at our house, but she does anyway, so i try cover the stink with febreeze

Barbie2390's picture

Submitted by Barbie2390 on Mon, 03/14/2011 - 3:51pm

I rather not even share a room with SD he laugh is annoying her stare her body movement i just think her whole persona is so annoying theres this face she does to get on peoples nerves and boy does she love making it to a point where i had strangers come up to me and ask me if she was ok because it didnt look right WOW i was so embarrresed and said im sorry i dont know her shes waiting for her parents.

mommy_of_4's picture

Submitted by mommy_of_4 on Tue, 03/15/2011 - 8:21am

I am with most of you. It totally urks the crap out of me when my SD13 can tell me she hates me and the next minute tell me she loves me. I know kids tell their parents they hate them, but this is different. We have had many talks about our mutual feelings for each other. So one day i drew the line and I told her that she needed to stop saying "I love you" because I know she doesn't mean it. i told her father too. Fake people make me want to vomit. Thankfully she stopped. I don't tell people I love them if i don't mean it and thats why I have never said it to her.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Tue, 03/15/2011 - 9:17am

It's really kind of a catch 22. I hate the way ss acts as if I dont exist and I have told my dh this. His solution is to demand to ss that he greet me. Um, yeah, I hate being ignored-but if you have to force him to speak to me it sort of defeats the purpose

I've told dh I just want ss to treat me like a regular person. If a neighbor was standing in the middle of our kitchen when ss arrived in all liklihood he would probably say hi. He does have manners as I raised him for almost 8 years. It doesnt mean he loves the neighbor-he wouldnt give the neighbor a fake hug-but as an almost automatic response he would greet someone right in front of him that he hadnt seen for awhile. That's all I want.

aidenmama's picture

Submitted by aidenmama on Tue, 03/15/2011 - 9:35am

Update: I asked my hubby if he told the kids to come back in the house to give me a hug after they had already said goodbye when they originally walked out the door> he said yes he told them to do that out of politeness. But to me saying goodbye is polite enough.

I told him not to try to force fake hugs anymore. if it's not natural then I dont need it. I am fine with goodbye or see ya. I dont need the fake yeah yeah yeah I will do it cuz you said so attention.

somerg's picture

Submitted by somerg on Tue, 03/15/2011 - 9:38am

there ahve been times my skids dont' even tell me goodbye, like you if THEY don't want to give it i don't want it.........i hate FAKE

steptwins's picture

Submitted by steptwins on Tue, 03/15/2011 - 9:50am

About a year ago one twin hugged me -- and it was a whopper hug. I felt very uncomfortable afterward's too. Other twin just wants me outta there so he can run the show w/o interruptions...