I just spent my entire Sunday trying to get my step-son to do his chore (that he’s paid to do) based on a chore chart that my husband wanted implemented. Here’s how it went;

My step-daughter did her chore willingly this week, missed a few things, I pointed them out to her and she finished the job (very well done for a 9 year old!)

My 12 year old son did his chores this week, missed something, my husband pointed it out and he finished the job without any complaints. He also scrubbed the oven, which was not his chore, without being asked, cleaned his room without complaining and put his clean laundry away.

My 17 year old son came home from work and did his chore (the dishes) immediately.

My 19 year old son did some of his chore but it wasn’t done well. He said it was done but my husband noticed after he left for work that it wasn’t done to our standards. He was told to re-do it when he got home after work. He had made plans to go swimming with his friends and promised that he would do it when he got back. I agreed but told him that if he didn’t do it when he got back, that I would add more chores to his list. My husband was upset that I agreed to this but honestly, I had spent the entire day directing his son and I was exhausted from the turmoil that this created with my husband. I was also in my office working trying to meet a deadline doing my husband’s job because he refused to do it because he said, “I picked on his son”. (We’re self-employed & work together).

My 11 year old step-son was told over and over and over again to sweep the floor properly (his chore is to sweep the main floor area being living room, kitchen, dining room, bathroom & office) but he kept saying he couldn’t do it. I showed him how to do it many times. I also moved things for him and so did his father. His father showed him by actually sweeping some of the floor for him. His son even joked, “Keep sweeping, Dad; show me how”. I believe this is why my step-son kept saying he couldn’t do it and did it poorly so that his father would keep sweeping for him.

My step-son continuously missed areas and his broom didn’t even touch the kitchen, bathroom and office floors. This is his second time doing this chore and both times I exhausted my efforts to get him to finish but it took forever. He is a hockey player and very good at manoeuvring a hockey stick yet he still tried to say he couldn’t move the broom properly. Not to mention, his 9 year old sister does a very good job sweeping.

I tried a tactic that I thought would work. I showed my step-son a youtube video on ‘how to sweep a floor’. It was a funny video of a mom who was fed up of kids always saying “I don’t know how to sweep the floor”. I tried to be extremely patient; in fact, much more patient than I would EVER be with my own children but this wasn’t good enough for my husband. You’d think he’d appreciate that I make such an effort to have these chores done properly and to teach his son responsibility?? Why can’t my husband see that he’s the one who makes this hard for me and his son by doing the sweeping for him or by saying “Good Job” when it was so obvious his broom never touched three areas; kitchen, bathroom & office.

No….instead…..my husband accused me of picking on his son. My husband focused on ranting and raving that my 19 year old hadn’t done a good job even though I agreed after seeing the job and told him I’d make sure he re-did it. When my son came home, I told him to re-do his job (with a lot less patience) and he did it without any complaints. My husband even inspected the job and couldn’t find anything wrong with it and I actually think that made him more angry?? He even grabbed my cell phone out of my hand to check my sent messages to see if I had texted my son secretly so that he would do his chore well??

Yes, I had to tell my son a second time but then it got done. If I only had to tell his son two times, there wouldn't be a problem. Yes, I didn't immediately get on my son's case when he walked in the door from work. I was tired and exhausted from dealing with my step-son ALL day and then having to do my husband's work because he wouldn't do it because I made his son sweep all the floors like he was supposed to do! Not to mention, his son was going back to mom's that day and it couldn't wait for another day. I knew I would be able to get my son to do what I expected when he got home....and I did!

I believe that my husband is blind to his son’s manipulation and he thinks that it’s impossible that another child will do their chore without being asked ten times. I tried to explain that the reason he hears/sees so much interaction between his son and I is because he has to be told so many times to finish his job. I finally had to actually follow his son around and move things so he would sweep properly instructing him every...single...step of the way.

To top it off, we pay the children an allowance for doing these chores so there is a reward for him doing it RIGHT. I tried to explain to my husband that it’s wrong to tell a child they’ve done a good job when they haven’t finished the job and that’s it’s even more wrong to pay them for an unfinished job. I said, “In the ‘real’ world when your son goes out and gets a ‘real’ job, no one is going to pay him if he doesn’t finish the job and finish it well”. None of this reasoning has worked.

Now, I’m getting the silent treatment because of this. I really have to wonder if it’s all worth it. I implement a chore chart that my husband directed and spend my entire day directing his son to do his chore properly and this is the way I’m treated??