New! I feel horrible about myself.
Hello everyone. This is my first post, but I can already see the similarities between my story and many others. I'm just looking for a little advice!
I moved in with my BF over 3 years ago, and he is a great guy. I have one son who is 9, and he has three kids: ss18, sd14, and ss10. At first everything was great. Then, I started getting upset with the kids because they would not clean up after themselves or do chores like I asked. I consider myself a pretty strict parent when it comes to those things, and my son was raised that way so has no problems helping out around the house. Then, the BM started trash talking our family here, and got all "Christian" on us because we were living in sin. SD started going to church 3days a week and becoming more and more judgmental of our lifestyle.
SD then started lying to BH about having boyfriend (she was only 13 at the time). It drove a wedge between her dad and her. She started spending all her time in her bedroom. Finally told her dad she was going to live with her BM because our house didnt feel like home and she wanted to be able to date. She also told him that if I wasn't in the picture, she would probably still be living here.
BM started getting crazy, and ss18 who is now in college, came to live with us full time. So, now it is only ss10 that goes between the two homes. I have made every effort to treat him as my own. Help him with schoolwork, go to all his athletics, take both the young boys to the zoo, etc. I thought that I had a serious chance with him and that we could be one big happy family.
It was quite a shock last week when he told my BF that he didn't want to live here anyone. To be honest, it was a huge cut to my heart 
he told BF that I was too mean and that he didn't get enough time with BF.
Now BF wants me to be "nice" to save ss10 from leaving. I thought I was being a good parent, but I can't compete with parents that never get mad or have any rules. I feel like I am the one with issues now (even though BM has been institutionalized and the kids have problems).
Do I just disengage, or pretend like everything is awesome?
Anything positive I could do
Anything positive I could do to make this situation better?
My biggest problem I think is
My biggest problem I think is that there is so much "let's talk about our feelings" going on at BMs house. Every thing I do or say is picked apart.
The kids aren't horrible. They are good, just confused. What I don't like is the complaining. Nothing is ever good enough for SS at our house. It's like our house is held at a higher standard for fun than the BMs house, even though we have 50/50 custody.
My BF does disciple the kids, but is very wishy washy about it. That is the most frustrating thing because they just complain more.
If I just start staying out of it, my BS starts telling me it's not fair that the rules are different. I try to explain to him what is going on, and he gets it, a little.
How do I find the balance? BF is really upset with me because i don't love his kids. He says he loves my son like his own and I should be able to do the same. (I have full custody and my son sees his BD 2x a year.)
God, my spelling is horrible!
God, my spelling is horrible! LOL
I am so sick of Skids doing
I am so sick of Skids doing this. You can't ask them to clean or do chores because then you're mean, but then that leaves you with having to do all the work around the house. I can ask them with a smile on my face with the nicest tone of voice, wait three hours, then ask again nicely, only to have to wait again another three hours for them to do what I've asked them. Good grief. These men are so worried about their little precious's -- they forget we are parents to these children -- not friends! These dad's need to realize if we don't raise them to be responsible, caring, selfless, helping children -- they will grow up to be monsters of adults that no one will want to be around -- let alone people you will want to be around. I am experiencing this with my 21 year old SD.
It is especially hard when they live with you most of the time and the dad is wishy washy -- then it is kind of left to you and on you -- it's like he leaves it to you to be the "bad guy." I'm working on trying to not care. It's hard. Because I do care, and I want them to be responsible adults.
Had a nice long talk with BF.
Had a nice long talk with BF. He realizes that SS10's issues are with him not getting enough time and the BM doing a little parental alienation.
BF apologized for making it seem like it was all on me, and I feel much better.
Our problem now is that he is going to force ss10 to keep coming to our house even though he doesn't want to. How do I respond to this? Just continue to be the same parent I have been? I feel like I almost have to put on a show. It's weird.