Sadly, whatever the custodial parents wants.
We had originally wanted reciepts for things to make sure that the money was actually going to SS and not accumulating in BMs bank acct, and the judge said absolutely not. The child support was there to help the child lead a happy healthy life, but it was at the sole discretion of the custodial parent how that money was put to use.
Basically it's to make sure the non-custodial parent is helping financially, but there's no way to prove that the money goes to the child...It's BS, really.

CS is all you are to pay...not half of everything AND CS. Your CO states you are to pay X amount of $ each month and that's all. In regards to school pictures, just order your own package seperate from her, don't give her any reason to say she did YOU a favor by paying for something.

Child Support is BMs beer money. Sad but true - told oldest SD's fiance to take her card and go buy beer. He wouldn't do it. Sad....

It is the step-parents fun money for having to put up the bio-parents BS ......Just kidding!

My understanding is that CS is for supporting the child in the home of the custodial parent. When I looked at the CS worksheets, and it gave the break down of each parent it seems as if they take both the incomes and divided it as if the parent lived together and each part went to support the child in the home of the custodial parent. It goes towards the total care of the child, the roof over their head, the food they eat, and etc.

I would not pay any extra if I did not have to, but as being a custodial step-parent, DH has not seen any CS from the dead-beat BM for over a year and it is very fusterating. I am sorry for your situation

Just b/c she asks for more doesn't mean you have to give up more. All you are legally required to pay is the cs and that is it. However, if you have a little extra, and your skids are playing sports, etc...you really should try to help with that. The cs is designed to cover the actual costs of roof, meals, and clothing. It isn't designed for extra activities. On the flip note, cs is designed to cover "standard of living"...now I know a lot of parents out there don't get what I'm talking about, but for those of you that pay almost $1k per month per kid know that it doesn't cost $1k. Cs is calulated to give the children the same standard of living that they received when the two parents were together. Often times non-cus. parents end up handing over half their paychecks to their former spouse, and their kids really don't see the benefit from that, and that is why so many people are against cs.

If she is nickeling a diming you for every little thing, just don't send the extra you don't want to. You aren't required to pay for school pictures, but if you want some, maybe order your own, that way your not paying $35 for one picture, while bm get's to determine the rest.

I think your situation is that she is spending your dh's money w/o your guys approval first. She signs the skids up for whatever, and hands the bill to you. Set some boundaries if you can, and determine what you think is appropriate. You are not the bad guys b/c you don't feel like buying the kids' clothes when it's really moms spending spree....

Good luck,
Candice

Our children's mom likes to call us at the last second for stuff. It's annoying but she hasn't done it in a long time. Last year though, on Easter morning in fact, she called around 8am EST and she's in CST, she wanted to buy the 3 girls a new trampoline since their's had a rip in the cover and a couple springs missing. She'd told us (him) that it would cost so much to fix the tear and she knows a guy who could do it and maybe fix the springs yaddah, but the fix wouldn't last forever. So she decided on her own to buy them a new one. Mind you it's 8AM in the morning...did she do all that research at 6am?? Nope. She's already done the research and didn't tell us it was broken before but wants money for half! So he sent her the money. She did the same thing a couple months later for $300 in clothes that we had to pay half for. I threw a fit and cried my eyes out to NOT send the money...who do we know what it's for?! I'd LOVE to get proof of what she's buying but I can't do that. She already got him for a ton of CS and then on Aug 1 and Dec 1 we have to pay an extra $300 for school and christmas presents...leaving us nothing to get them...which leads to her telling them to ask us for cell phones and laptops. Thanks a lot chick!

I don't even want to get into the day she got mad at us (him) for not calling when the two oldest (12, 8 ) had surgery. We only knew about the younger one having surgery to fix her septum in her nose. I had to appologize to the older girl when she was with us for our only alloted 3 week in the summer for not calling or caring about her surgery because we had no clue about it at all. The only way we knew about the younger girl was because she TOLD us. We didn't call her because the last thing she needed was to talk to someone on the phone when she needs to be resting. I told the older girl that we just didn't know about it and we were sorry. Both girls had the same surgery a week apart. All we got was the bill. I thought it was about her knee because she was having issues about that.

/rant off

New cars, tattoos, vacations, etc.......

Don't pay crap but the CS and whatever else is stipulated in the Judgment. You get no credit either financially or as a "good parent" for anything outside of the Judgment.

We are the CP side of our blended family but I have friends that are the NCP and fight this constantly. There is no accountability on how a CP spends CS money.

Regards,

BM had never paid child support in the past 13 years. My husband did not ask for it in the divorce. He just wanted the kids and for her to go away. The judge did not like it but he did it. So, over the years she never paid support and we never asked although from time to time she would buy them shoes or something like that. Well, it was time to buy school clothes for 3 high school kids, (by this time we were pretty friendly). She said that they really didnt have any money to contribute and could we pay for all of it and she would pay later. So we bought the clothes at a cost of $1800.00. This included supplies and stuff needed for sports and such. At the end of the day, she comes to me and thanks me for buying all the clothes and things. Like she always buys them and appreciates us footing the whole bill. I got pissed because she was saying it more like I was doing HER a favor! She would have been doing us the favor had she contributed to the cause. I said, "the kids would have gotten clothes whether you asked me to pay for your share or not. We have always provided for the kids so dont thank me for doing what I always do anyway." That was several years ago, and now that I look back at it, and I probably feel this way because she is no longer alive, I may have over reacted but I was so aggrevated that she was treating me like the one that was supposed to help her out. She never paid for anything! And then to thank ME for not paying for anything again! We bought them every year before this so why was this different? AGGHHHHHH!!!!

I have been with my husband for 10 years and in that 10 years, he has paid approximately $50k in CS. His daughters are 12 & 15. The 15 year old decided to move in with us and the CP(her mom, my husband's ex) is signing the custody papers, giving my husband full custody of her. So, now the 12 year old is with CP and the 15 year old is with us. But the CP still wants CS. Shouldn't the CS stop, since they each have one daughter?

Also, the reason why he has paid so much to CP in the past 10 years. Is because he was an OTR truck driver for the first 5 years and made alot more money than CP. So she filed for an increase. And at the time of that hearing, they informed my husband that if he ever took a job that was less paying on purpose, he couldn't file for a decrease. So even though he is no longer in that profession, he couldn't get a decrease because they told him that they could make him pay the amount based off of his old employer.

If the bm is recieving child support that should be used for whatever the children need. She may ask for more but you don't have to give it to her. As long as the child support is being paid on time each month thats it.
My dh pays child support and it is alot so anything else she needs she will have to get herself.
I am a bm as well and my ex pays child support (when he is about to go to jail) and he is suppossed to pay 60% medical bills although the time and effort it took to get that out of him was not worth it for me. The only time I did file for anything med/denal was my bs braces. THey added alittle extra monthly to his child support payments until his portion was paid off. He did not just hand me the money

If the bm is recieving child support that should be used for whatever the children need. She may ask for more but you don't have to give it to her. As long as the child support is being paid on time each month thats it.
My dh pays child support and it is alot so anything else she needs she will have to get herself.
I am a bm as well and my ex pays child support (when he is about to go to jail) and he is suppossed to pay 60% medical bills although the time and effort it took to get that out of him was not worth it for me. The only time I did file for anything med/denal was my bs braces. THey added alittle extra monthly to his child support payments until his portion was paid off. He did not just hand me the money

My DH's ex does this too. She gets $1,000 a month for their 2 kids CS and has us paying co-pays and anything else they seem to want. I don't know how many e-mails we have gotten from SD and BM asking for extra money for stupid things. We have been asked to buy a horse and pay for all of it's stall and food fees. DH is kinda helping with it, which pisses me off. It's all these extra things that keep my kids in crappy clothes and shoes and they never get to do things they want. We're just scrimping and saving as much as we can to get my girls in the girl scouts now. It's truly a never ending battle unless you have a great lawyer.

CS is all they should get, i have finally got my hubby to stop giving BM extra, she gets CS only now and it is more than enough anything else she wants to do with the kids is her problem.

They take the kids they should be financially responsible too.. they think it is their god given right to be paid to look after their own children. We had a major CS issue with BM ahe took the kids off hubby and called CS and therefore his amount went up to nearly $1300 per month and she was living in her parents house in one bedroom with his 2 kids and her other kid all together. Now where was all that money going?????? certainly not food and shelter but she was seen out partying every weekend while the kids were with her parents. HMMMM i guess she could afford it. CS is a joke they dont have to justify a cent of where that money goes

By the law in our state I have been lead to believe that CS is to provide for the basic needs of the child; food, shelter, clothes, etc... Things like sports, school pictures, etc., should be paid for by the parent getting cs and if they want help paying for it they should ask, not demand. It is your choice if you want to contribute anything more than the cs you are paying!! You should not feel obligated to pay for all these extras (they are included in the cs guideline), aside for your share of medical/dental. What does the separation agreement/divore decree say?

My SS's BM tried this with us. She's getting CS & Spousal Maintenance and was having a hard time making ends meet. Last year she asked for Ched's father to buy a new pair of shoes for school. We had a couple extra pair, so instead of buying a BRAND NEW PAIR, we sent him home with an extra pair. She was NOT happy. Hubby told her, "You get money for child support and NO, I will not give you anymore. If you can't manage that much money, that's not my problem."

She claims she didn't have money for a halloween costume, but yet, Ched got a brand new stool for his bathroom, and a new video. Hmmm, priorities mama...learn priorities!

Cheer Up, things could get worse.
So I cheered up, and things got worse!

"her holiness the golden uterus" has put us thru the ringer on the cs issue. as far as i am concerned, in your case, as long as you have already paid cs..
unless you use the clothing too, dont pay for any of it.
unless you get copies of the school pics, dont pay for them, and if you do, only reimburse her for your pics.
if the skids are not with you on the days that you are being asked to pay for lunch, do not pay.

"if you don't have anything nice to say, then shut the fuck up."

My opinion child support is for every normally daily expense ..period. Clothes, food, toothpaste, lunch money .. everything. The only exceptions would be large added expenses such as summer camp if it cost most than $300ish. My Son goes to summer camp and it is $1500. His dad has passed away but I can see that would be something I would not mind my dh paying for his kids .. but they don't go to camp. And, any time the kids are with us, vacations, movies, trips .. we pay and buy them whatever they want and they are allowed to take it home if they want.

If my dh's kids wanted something really expensive it would have to be talked about or maybe a b-day gift. Other than that the child support is for ALL the kids stuff.

BS you should pay for clothes or anything. Why else is she getting the money??

My husbands BM tries that crap all the time .. some times he gives in because he feels like he is going to be blamed .. for example a year pass to Great Adventure but most of the time (when I put my foot down!) he will say .. no that is what child support is for.

The BM would have him pay for everything AND get the check if she could get away with it and he probably would if I did not constantly say "NO". But I find men would rather give in than risk being bad mouthed by the BM. I make him stand up to her .. and normally he will listen about 97% of the time.

JennAnna

Unfortunately many idiot BMs treat CS as an entitlement program for bearing a man's child.

For these people CS is nothing more than a womb rental fee or prostitution on the installment plan and has very little to do with supporting the child(ren).

My Wife receives CS for my SS. We don't need the money. In fact we pretty much use CS as a way of limiting the impact of the SpermClan's stupid decisions on our Son (My SS). When they get stupid we inform them that if they do not stop what ever it is they are doing (that we don't like) that we will be filing for an ammendment of CS. We also tell them what the CS increase will likely be based on the state CS calculator.

For clarrification, THEY are the SpermIdiot (BioDad) and the SpermTroll (SpermGrandMa). She raises his three youngest out-of-wedlock spawn, pays his CS and is a manipulative toothless hag. (actually I believe she has teeth but referring to her as toothless helps describe her completely unappealling nature).

My point is that CS is intended to be used solely for the kids support. We also use it to protect him from the SpermIdiots.

CS is not a womb rental fee or prostitution installment payments. BMs who do not use it for the kid(s) are just praticing the worlds oldest profession.

The BM's that fall in to the entitlement category need to gain clarity that the child is not just HIS child. The Child is also YOUR child and that child needs to know that there is nothing more important to both BM and BioDad than their wellbeing.

BioDad's who are making womb rental payments need to quit being victims and do whatever they can to get custody of their kid(s) and limit the influence of the morally bankrupt BM.

I know that this is difficult and that the Family Law system is stacked against Dad's.

We do what we can to keep SS's time with the SpermClan to a minimum because they are a family of entitlement whores (the men too) who are never accountable for their own situations.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Child support has gotten out of control where I live. Child support amounts alone are way too high, it covers way more than 50% of the childs costs (it's not supposed to cover 100%, BM is supposed to be responsible for other 50%). I know it not that bad in many states, but in Canada, fathers are the NCP 97% of the time and get screwed royally.

Certain "extra-expenses" are tagged on top of CS, whether the NCP can afford it or not. Recently I wrote about how the BM put braces on Skid#2 without our consent, while we are still paying off braces for sk#1!!! The crazy thing about this is that if BM and DH were still together, they wouldn't have been able to afford braces for either SK, becaue the BM in not employed! But now that she is divorced, she can get BF to pay 80% or 90%, due to her low income.

Thos whole idea that the kid is entitled to stay at pre-divorce levels is also frustrating. There are now 2 households to pay for, and yet only BF's income is sent to BM's home. BF also have to maintain a home for the kids, a room, a bigger car, heating a bigger home, same as the CP, the kid is just there less, but he has ALL the same expenses, but the law does not reflect this.

Also the kids are supposed to be kept at "pre-divorce levels" but in our case the BM doesn't work (with 3 diplomas and teen kids) and hasn't for 8 years. She lives off CS and CCTB (a benefit for the kids which she gets an addtional 800/month tax free from our gov't). So she keeps the SD's POOR by living off CS and CCTB! Where is the CP's responsibility to also keep the SD's at the "pre-divorce level"?!

And this whole paying CS to BM when the kids are away at college is crap. Yes, she still has to maintain a home for when the student comes home for weekends and holidays, BUT THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THE BF HAS BEEN DOING FOR 18 YEARS OR SO!! He hasn't been compensated one penny for keeping a home for the child to "visit" in all those years, but the minute BM has to "keep a home" she is fully compensated!!!

There are too many other things to get into, like the tax benefits that only CP's get, even though NCP is sometimes the sole supporter.

I hope no-one else has it as bad as we do in Canada. They "say" you can lower CS if you are facing hardship as a payor, but any lawyer will tell you this NEVER happens in Canada. So, just my 2 cents. The whole this is stacked against the payors here.

Also this whole thing about "if I didn't have the kids I could live in a one bedroom place with no expenses etc etc." is also crap. I lived for MANY years by myself. My bills now that I have twins are marginally higher, but not by much. A two bedroom house is a couple hundred more a month that a one bedroom, heating, electricity etc. isminimally more. So I give them food and some clothes. Big deal.

My husband, between CS and "extras" gives BM over $1800/month, after tax. This is ONE of his paychecks per month. So she doesn't have to work, but can live off his hard work? Oh, and when they were married, she ALWAYS had a job, otherwise they couldn't have afforded their bills. Divorce for her has been a free meal ticket to do nothing for over 8 years!

My husband pays for the house that his ex and kids live in ($1200.00) plus buys the kids what ever clothes they need, pays for their medical insurance plus the deductable. She drives his car at one point he was also paying the insurance till I put a stop to that. He also pays the kids allowance and guess what she still ask him for more money.

Some people will keep taking and taking regardless of how much is given. Its just the way it is some people are greedy and selfish.

aleshiafenner! I think putting a stop to that crap was wise. OMG- I went thru the same stuff...until I put my "foot" down too and said to DH, "If you want to do anything for ss5 and FURTHER beyond C/S it better be here and NOT for the lazy BM." That realllly pissed me off you know? wth I still wonder if he is paying any extras as we have seperate financial lives...

Here's what I feel that CS should be for... Anything that benefits the child. Whether that be for clothes, school supplies, medical/dental/vision fees, sports, ballet lessons, Christmas presents, etc. Even things like gas money, rent, utilities, a car payment, or the grocery bill. All of those things directly benefit the child.

It should NOT, however, be that little extra that allows you to drive a hot rod... your kid doesn't need to ride in a hot rod and that is for YOU, not for your child. You need to be able to afford that on your own, not with your ex's support. It is not so that you can get your nails/hair done. It is not for you to take a vacation. It is not for you to go out to dinner. And if you NEED that CS to get by, yet you are denying the non-custodial parent time with the child just because... maybe that needs to be looked at. Maybe the parent actually supporting the kids is better suited to care for them.

What if you have 50/50 custody (more like we do 75% and have the kid Mon-Thursday night and BM gets to play weekend mommy). My bf pays for CS, yet the BM still sends emails demanding half the cost of b-day presents for classmates, cost of gift wrap etc. BM gets to do all the fun stuff like apple picking on the weekend (and tries to get us to pay for half of gas to drive the kid to apple farm on her own time) while my bf does the grunt work of taking and picking kid up from school, lunches, dinner appointments, homework. Shit, I wish we could take her to apple farms! But unfortunately we work during the week and by the time things get taken care of after school and work, doing grunt work, paying CS, there is not much time and money left for us to take the kid tor apple picking and Disneyland. Or we are just not as cool and together as the BM. Yeah right! }:)

BF has stopped giving her $$$ for these above mentioned bullshit crazy claims about 2 years ago. She called him an asshole and looser in front the child for months because of it.

Now she just sends an ongoing tab she keeps adding to. The email title is: currently XYZ owes $$$$ to ABC. Every week. The tab is up to $4000 so far. It's actually harasement, in my opinion, but you cannot stop the emails because that's the only way of communication about other stuff too. She is nuts!

I hear alot of MY HUSBAND PAYS his EXWIFE... It amazes me how much the men pay. And where would they be if they didn't.. JAIL. I wonder how my SS's BM(who has supervised visitation only so therefore does absolutly nothing to contribute to day to day expenses and rearing of this child) gets away with playing the system and pays CS on her terms that the court ordered? I think it is because she has a uterus instead of a penis.-IAMTHEMOM

Rags said

"Skids SpermClan"

Love that term.

LOL!!!!!

LOL,,My DH's Ex the troll or EggDoner as I should say..Uses her CS to pay her cell bill and her new hubby takes the check away from the kids..that's sad!! She also does not buy clothes for my SK cause her hubbys has 3 daughters around the same age as my own SD so she steals them from the other ex wife!! This women should be on every man's radar as to watch out for and not knock up..cuz it seems that is all she is good for

My DH pays CS so PsychoSponge can sit on her fat ass all day and drink and smoke and party...sad but true. Having said that...he is going to see our lawyer tomorrow...I hate for her party funds to be cut..but that is in the works!!! }:)

our bm lives in a 2 bedroom 1970 something trailer her parents own and pays no rent/electric/taxes, has a car her dad gave her and has no car payment..... she has a cell phone bill and maybe car insurance.... with a full time job, she has more disposable income than we do, but do you think the judge saw it that way with her fake lease agreement and car payment agreement and whatever else... hell no! now she's trying to get money from the government....... free money with NO bills, a full time job & child support....it is fucking sick!

Sometimes it is back payment for many years of NO help at all. When you are in arrears of 13,000 u might.. just might owe somebody something.

Child support is based on a century old idea that women are incapable, infantile human beings that need a man to take care of them. I do beleive in BOTH parents supporting children after divorce, but the current AMOUNTS of CS are far too high and are ridiculous. Child support at the levels many men are ordered to pay (these days) is really nothing more than spousal support disguised as "for the children".

And if you argue against the amounts paid, you are suddenly accused of being an evil person who doesn't want to support the children and all the shrill women out there shouting about how much it costs to raise children. To that I respond, if it is so expensive to raise the children, let your ex raise them, or share them 50-50. Gives you more time to work, and your expenses are lower. In fact, you ex would probably pay YOU for the joy and love of having his kids in his life daily.

I receive CS for my DS. DH pays CS for his two kids. I have seen both sides. I didn't start receiving CS until my DS was 10. I never once asked for an increase of the minimum amount the state gave for my DS's CS.

The IDEA of child support is a good one. It's whether or not the CP uses the money wisely or foolishly that is the issue. Or brags to others all the (non-kid-related) things they are doing with their CS, that is the problem.

The worst in our case is, if you need so much money "for the kids" why don't you work??? Why are you buying an expensive house with two extra bedrooms AND a new car when your old one was better than ours? Why are you spending SO MUCH $$ on lawyers to try to rake my DH over the coals? Couldn't you use that money for the kids' sake?

It is these types of issues that make people say CS is bad and CP should have to cough up receipts.

whatever the agreed amount in the papers is what you pay. anything else is your gift to her. she's one of those entitled bms.

child support, is soley for living expenses: utilities, food, school clothes, etc. Sports, school activities, school lunch's, medical, dental, vision and recreational activities are seperate, completley different subject

as far as school pics....my exh give me the money for the pictures he wants and i buy my own

The whole thing about CS helping to put a roof over their heads and food on the table is bs in my opinion. My husband pays 600 a month in CS plus covers his health/dental insurance. They have joint custody. What the courts don't think about is that the father has to provide food, clothing and shelter for the child during his visiation as well. Unless the mother has the child more than 50 - 75 percent of the time, I do not feel as though she should receive any child support. In my case,my husbands CS pays for her vacations she goes on once a month while she leaves the kids with her mother or her sister. The courts really screw the non-custodial parent and often make it difficult to even pay their own bills.

I don't know what to say in my case, but the truth.

My DH was ordered to pay C/S even with a 50/50 time split with SD6 but it has no been diminished to every other weekend. His C/S has not yet been adjusted for that which in my eyes, if he is not taking care of his daughter as ordered, he should be paying more for HER support, not his ex-wife.

I do not want to see DH in the poorhouse but it is only fair in this case if he is not abiding by the visitation plan ordered. He asked for it by caving in to BM and her PASing of SD6. He should have stood up to BM a long time ago and took charge.

You play you pay.

I am the CP SM of 2ss. I came into the picture 8.5 years ago when things were 50/50. No CS for anyone. For the last 6 years we have had the boys at least 95% of the time with no CS. I mean, none is ordered b/c we've never asked for it. She hasn't worked a day on all this time so it never would have been paid anyway and has a BM ever had to face any consequences for not paying CS? She hasn't paid a penny for anything - sports, school supplies, etc. My husband was a stay at home father all this time b/c I have a good job and child care is expensive. So I have footed the bill all this time and I'm fine with that because he takes care our our DD as well. But if that crappy BM EVER paid us a penny I would probably spend the money on ME ME ME! I deserve some payback and have me eye on some fancy $20 shoes from Wal-mart. Haven't been able to afford new shoes for me in years.

I will never forget the time my BF asked BM if she was planning on contributing to the upbringing of their son. She looked at me and said, "He doesn't seem to be hurting." - implying that it was perfectly OK for me to spend my money making sure he is covered but she can keep her money for herself. Stupid witch. BF told me last night that she was going to give him $60 to help with the costs for baseball and wrestling this year. I looked at him and said - so what? $60 in nine years? Thanks for nothing, bitch. I seriously think he wanted me to give her some credit for handing over $60. I'll get her a medal if he wants me to. Mother of The Year! Not...

child support is meant for the payer to pay for THEIR portion of the expenses of raising a child. just tell her what ever and move on...the child support IS dh's HALF of all expenses

finey-i think that too is bs, parents are not required to cover edu expenses if still married, it should not be an order on decree's i've been fired up about that ALL DAY-imo college expenses should be the requirement of the student and IF mom and dad CAN AND WANT to pay, that is their CHOICE.

waht states is this new law in? i challenge the residents to get a petition going to have that law revoked. after hs i need to focus on MY FUTURE AND RETIRMENT not the kids...i paid my own tuition MYSELF so can they :sick:

Child support is for shelter, food, clothing, and anything else that the child needs for every day living such as medicine, etc.

Tell her no and to take you to court if she doesn't like it. CS is for all of those things!

BM Live with her parent no rent,utility or food bill plus free baby sitting.
income = (work $8/hour+CS770/month+ her 1st Ex for the first child + Social disibiliy check)

This is what i was told by SS. when he come to my house asking to take him to have a haircut because BM said CS not enough to pay or never take him to a dentist for 6 years or send him back with a one leg eyeglass.(missing one leg)

Jenny Criags's program 250/month
Gold Gym (BM+SS's stepsister from 1st husband)
Weekend Concert
Tattoos (a lot on her body)
nail/spa
Beers/cigartte
brand name clothes
Jewelry
Make up
Car Payment

I haven't read any of the other comments but I have to say from my own experience, I recommend if possible for your DH to send the CS money through the State and not give her money out of his pocket to protect himself from her and her incessant bullshit. What ever monies he was ordered from the courts is what he has to pay, nothing more. My DH used to give his ex cash and would always give her more than she was due to get and NEVER got a receipt. She turned around, went to court and told them she didn't know where he was and he never gave her any money. She wanted him to go along with her lies, thankfully the court saw right through her and then he wised up and started having it taken right from his check. When she gets the money, she can use it for anything she wants as long as it goes toward the children.

I am the BM and I am receiving child support from my ex - so, please don't shoot me. I am just trying to explain how this child support thing works in my case, and as I can understand, also in many other cases. SO, here it goes...
BOTH my ex AND I pay child support - the numbers are all based on a child support calculator, here in Utah - I am just on the receiving end, because his income is way larger than mine. The money I receive from him, helps pay for the house payment, utilities, my girl's phones (which, by the way, help them stay in touch with him on a daily basis), clothing and food. His child support payment by no means pays for ALL of that, but it helps supplement MY income, so our girls can have the same standard of living, as they are accustomed to.
Our divorce decree states, that all extracurricular activities, that our girls are involved in, will be split 50/50. SO, things like soccer fees, fees for school, uniforms for choir, etc, we both pay half. Furthermore, if we both want school pictures, one parent orders 2 sets, and the other parent pays for his/her set, on receipt.
Medical bills are also split 50/50 between my ex and me. He is the one with the policy, so I am the one who pays him half, when he provides me with a receipt.
My ex, like so many other fathers who have to pay child support, asked our mediator, if he could make me provide a statement every month, showing him what the child support money goes to. The mediator told him, no. He even went as far as demanding, that every penny of his child support, were put into savings accounts for our girls. The mediator told him, no. Child support is for the children, so they don't have to go without.
I understand, that there are many BM's out there, who try to take their ex's to the cleaners. They have many different reasons for doing so...and sometimes, none. You, as new spouses and new step-moms, might look at them as money hungry b******, or see them as being jealous or scorned, because now their children's fathers are with a new woman. But, since you probably are only told ONE side of the story, you really should't judge these BM's, for what they are doing...
There are no winners, in a divorce...

In some states, they'll garnish your wages.

As for what it's to be spent on, it can really be spent on anything. If the CS is put on an account (VISA card) and your statement says you used it on a rental car while on vacation, who's to say that you didn't use money from your own income to compensate the difference?

Financial management is up to the person receiving the money. Obviously it doesn't work out properly every time, but a lot of the theory and law behind it is based off of ideal situations.

According to the Bm in our lives, Cs is for ridiculous clothes, cheap ill fitting shoes, the list goes on, we would buy her extra things, but they are mysteriously lost or damaged, Bm does not teach Sd to look after her property, though we try to teach her, I bought her a pair of white sandals for best last week, the next day I had to throw them away because they were so scuffed beyond repair.