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Missing Easter for Vaca This Year - Wait til SD's Get a Load of This!!

iloveit's picture

Submitted by iloveit on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 9:38am

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So, my SO and I are planning to take a vacation at the end of April. Right now it's just in the beginning stages, we haven't even officially decided where we want to go but know that it must be a warm place with delicious drinks and blue water! We are able to get access to a timeshare and end of April is also considered "off season" so we'll be saving money there also. Here's where my scheming and scamming comes into play. Easter is on the 24th of April this year and my plan is to go Sat-Sat so we would miss Easter. As some of you know, I haven't been able to spend any major holiday with SO's family because SD's wouldn't show up and SO hasn't wanted to "upset them" or make them feel as if their family life has changed all that much. My comments to that have been...they HAVE changed whether you want to acknowledge that or not and SD's are grown ups who need to accept that their father has another woman in his life who will be spending holidays with his family. He tentatively told me that I would be coming to his mother's house for Easter this year but I don't believe him. SD20 AND SD23 will pitch a fit and he will give in I just know it. They will pull the old, "See, you told us you would always be there and now we can't even spend Easter with you because of HER." They guilt him straight into that shit. So I'm figuring if I book the trip over Easter and oops we miss it...there will be no heartache for me in sitting at home alone for Easter dinner this year! My SO has no idea the date of Easter so it's easy to sidestep that one! Plus, I don't think Easter is a huge deal if there were one to miss anyway.

I think this would be good for them in a way. We are going on vacation because we are two adults making a decision together about something we want to enjoy together and family traditions will be tremendously different now that BM is not in the picture anymore. If he tells them he is going away for Easter they will be angry about that BUT at least the HAVE to acknowledge that their dad has moved on. They pretend I don't exist, thus they are in denial of how serious this relationship is.

I really can be evil }:)

iloveit's picture

Submitted by iloveit on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 9:55am

I completely agree...I would love to book up Christmas for the next 20 years at least! Hate that damn holiday.

ESM's picture

Submitted by ESM on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 8:05pm

Crayon dear...

Give your head a shake.
A vacation is like Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy.
Oh yeah - and like friendly, happy, well balanced BMs and loving, caring and personable SDs....

Bitter....me?? Oh yeah!

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 10:03am

I think I would have to put my foot down on that one. I go with you or I leave! end of story! But that is just me.

Of course going away sounds good too.

iloveit's picture

Submitted by iloveit on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 11:15am

Hahahaha, Spunki I would NOT be surprised if SD20 still hunted for eggs or jelly beans etc...she acts like she's 11. They don't really care about Easter it's just an excuse to give dad a hard time and a pity party for the fact that he's a terrible dad for ditching them on a holiday.

StillSearching's picture

Submitted by StillSearching on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 1:53pm

HEHE I like this ^ Daddy won't be there to hold their Easter baskets dangit!

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 1:04pm

Okay at 20 and 23 they need to grow the hell up - Daddy has moved on and quite frankly if I were you and he told me he was going to have dinner with them on Easter and leave you alone - I would be packing I am not kidding - it is time to cut the apron strings - he is also to blame for this situation - that you have to trick him into vacation over Easter so that the little bitches don't get their way is sad - you need to have a heart to heart with your SO and tell him that at your age you are in this for the long haul but not if he continues to give into his adult children - does he realize that he is doing this - for your sake I hope not - but maybe you need to point it out and maybe you need to have a really long talk over this vacation - because this is not fair to you - I mean really for the love of God how long does this entitled BS go on

I actually was getting my hair done and I met the nicest lady next to me who was 70 and on her second marriage and the adult boys of her husband's were complete and utter assholes - I mean really you are 70 and have to put up with this - she told me she has a ton of money her husband left her when he died and she told her DH that if the shit did not stop she would be gone - and it worked he cut the "boys - 47 and 51 - out of his life. But that she even had to put it out there is sad.

So I am not trying to be mean but your SO needs to start to realize what he is doing to you and quite frankly making you do - you should not have to scheme to get a vacation with your SO who has adult children - they need to be put in their place. Have fun on the holiday - especially since the bitches won't be there and you know they will be fuming!!! lol

iloveit's picture

Submitted by iloveit on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 3:38pm

Caregiver I don't think you're trying to be mean at all...I appreciate your advice and your honesty. You all are right and in the last few months there has been a lot of progress with him putting his foot down with THEM which is huge for him and me as well. I told him after this past Christmas that if I was to be excluded from holiday plans again next year, I would be taking my own vacation without him. These bitches are 20 and 23 and act 10 or more years younger than they actually are. They have pulled this shit time and time again and my SO knows how fed up I am with it. He told me a couple months ago that he's all done with trying to please everyone and that people needed to get over things. He includes his parents and his kids and everyone in this scenario that has ever questioned anything or given him a hard time. I have to admit that I have put him in positions before that maybe were not fair but in my mind...I am the most important thing in his life he actually SAYS this to me on a daily basis. I said, I understand about keeping peace with SD's in the beginning as it was new for them and they were emotional and I was also new in their dad's life. So last year didn't really bother me for those reasons but now that I have been around for 1.5 years I'm sick of the bullshit. I am prepared to tell him (if he challenges the Easter thing) that he is not making good on his promise to always be there for me and that he said himself that it was time SD's accept that I will be a part of these occassions. They still refuse to meet me which is fine by me...I get along great without them! However, they also refuse to acknowledge that I am important to their father and it's really bad because they don't deal with it, thus making their dad even more uncomfortable.

When we had the Christmas conversation and I saw SO wince I said, look they are adults. They are grown women regardless of how YOU see them and I am a huge part of your life. NOBODY should be excluded from this holiday and what you say is, hey SD's I am bringing iloveit to your grandmother's for Christmas this year after 2 years of being with her I think it's time. I would like you both to be there but if you don't want to and you are uncomfortable with that I understand and will miss you but you need to accept that she will be joining the family for these occassions from now on because she is so important to me and will continue to be in my life as I hope you will be. If they choose not to attend after that...it's their problem and I told SO that. It's not guilty daddy's fault, its the CHOICE they are making and they deserve to be faced with these decisions as part of accepting adult responsibility.

Believe me, I have said my piece about how I feel about them and I defintiely have resentment towards them for ALMOST screwing up my whole relationship in the past as well and SO knows this. You're absolutely right, he has helped to create this and I have also informed him of that as well and he knows.

Caregiver, I am so ready to lay into him if he challenges the decisions that were previously made and he goes back on his word! So far I have kind of been surprised when I worry about a situation like this and he has been on my side. I don't know why I don't just come out and say it. I guess I was just hoping that because it's only Easter and it's just a stupid dinner if that...they would do their own thing and not fuss over it. However, I cannot expect normal behavior from people who are not normal I guess.

caregiver1127's picture

Submitted by caregiver1127 on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 5:16pm

Good for you Iloveit - sometimes we have to remember that it takes time to undo the years of brainwashing these men have had done to them - for some reason I thought you were with him for longer than a year and a half- so I can see the first year not going since it was so new - even though at 19 and 22 they need to get over themselves - and I also think that the vacation away will be the best way to avoid this Easter - but he does need to include you this Christmas and all other holidays or there is something wrong - his kids need to be more concerned about who they are dating then who their father is dating - good luck and have a wonderful time on your vacation!!

These little bitches need to realize that you are here to stay and the only way this will happen is if your SO stands by your side - and it seems that he is willing to step up to the plate and do that - so if he does then the battle is almost won!!

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 1:59pm

Care giver that is what I said. I would not put up that at all! You are right time to cut the strings and for op to put her foot down.

iloveit's picture

Submitted by iloveit on Thu, 02/17/2011 - 3:44pm

Crayon...I thought I had problems! I can totally see SD20 stamping her feet because daddy won't be there to hide the eggs for her!

She came over before Christmas to make dinner with my SO and watch the Grinch with him because it's a tradition they have always had. :jawdrop: Don't even get me started on the fact that I had to leave my f#cking house to accommodate that loser!! You are 20 years old...why aren't you off with your friends drinking and getting into trouble...why do you want to hang out and watch movies with your parents?? They are both so vile I can't even stand it.

iloveit's picture

Submitted by iloveit on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 11:20am

Stepdown this is what scare the crap out of me! I am so sorry that you have to put up with someone that old dictating where you will be celebrating Christmas. I don't understand 20 and 23 year old people's need to control that but better yet...29?!!!!! I can't get over that. I'm sorry but I just turned 30 and every year for Christmas I have debated going off somewhere alone or with a friend to do something totally fun or different I just haven't had the opportunity with the shitty economy and not having the vaca time etc. However, if either of my parents decided they were going to Hawaii or something I would encourage that! I want them to enjoy their lives, not have to stick around because we don't want them to be gone on the holidays! My brother is 28 and he and I both have our own lives. We've been trying to get my mother to stop spending so much on us for Christmas and to use the money themselves. We are both out on our own, working and living our lives and we want our parents to do whatever they want to do...they are empty nesters they deserve this time!! I love both of my parents and want their happiness. I told my mom a few months ago that if her and my dad split up I would want her to have someone else. I cannot bear the idea of either of them being alone. I would hope for them to be with someone else and would be excited to have other people in the family! I know this might be rare but come on...life is too short and if you love your parents, you should want their happiness. No one will ever replace them but it doesn't mean that you can't respect a person that your mom or dad is with. More importantly, if they love this person wouldn't you love them even more for making mom/dad so happy??? I know I would! But that's just me...I'm a realist.

iloveit's picture

Submitted by iloveit on Fri, 02/18/2011 - 11:13am

Thank you Snarky Smile Caregiver was right...it sucks that it seems like we have to trick these men into vacations because of the stupid skids! At least they are younger in your situation and you're not fighting about adults who demand holiday time with mommy and daddy or in this case just daddy. However, it doesn't make it easier and I get that too. I often wondered how different it would be if I had gotten involved with SO when the kids were younger and he was paying CS and EOW crap until....I came here! So now I don't have to imagine, I can read all about it. I have to admit that even though my situation can be really difficult, the SD's don't interact with me at all so I think that might be a little easier for me. I can't imagine having someone else's bratty children that I can't stand at my house and having to constantly deal with them. I give you SM's A LOT of credit for putting up with it and I have so much respect for you because of that. I never looked at things from a stepmom's perspective until I came here and realized....you are all so misunderstood and I am sorry for that...I wish it wasn't that way. But I am so grateful for your perspective....ya'll are the pros, I'm still learning!