I am divorced with two children(8yr marriage) and married a divorced man (16 yr marriage) with two children. We have been married 3 years (& dated 3 yrs)and it's been quite a ride right after we married. My children live with us and his visit biweekly and one night every week. I was never anticipating the behavior of his ex until I married him and then lived with him. OMG. They say hindsight is 20/20--I wish I would have seen his interactions with her and her behavior.
I never knew hell but, If I had to guess-I'm in it. All our arguments consist of his ex and his interactions with her.
I just want to know, I understand that they have children together, I understand that there needs to be interactions between them about the children-and in 3 years he has modified his behavior with ex and children but, does it ever ever trully tapier off. I used to think going to his ex's summer home with kids for a week when she was there with her family and he hung out--it was wrong. He did not. Is it wrong? Am I being unfair? This behavior and similar behavior stopped by my DH but it was going on for a couple of years-driving us to counselling and divorce discussions. Now, exwife is emailing him daily 3 times at least, calling , texting about children--anything that pops in her mind-how do I know? I work from home as does he--it's (to me) excessive but he thinks its normal and its about the kids and he wants her to update him. Am I crazy? to tell him to ask her to email him once every two weeks on logistics for the children's schedule or is the day to day thing just a necessary? My ex does not over involve like this. I mean, the other day his ex calls for advice on a FAFSA application for their oldest and tax questions. They are 7 years post divorce (they're children are 18/16). You'd think she could ask her tax consultant instead of my DH.
He tells me, really, I don't care about her I don't like her, I am being civil due to the children. I finally was so fed up, that I posed this to him. " I said, okay you mean what you say? really? Then send her an email (you do already 300 times a month)send her an email and prove to me you don;t care of the woman, you are being civil b/c of the children and all the things you swear up and down to me with your interactions with her and say it to her in an email. prove it to me my darling...
Ladies, you should have seen his face. He tried to back himself right out of it and I said, "oh no" you;re being honest with me and convincing me--she means nothing. As a man, you should be able to say the truth to someone to their face and as you do to your wife. Go tell your ex via email, she means what you said to me to ..her. I'd like her to acknowledge your interactions with each other are "civil" and for the children. Because-I think, she (not dating in 7 years) is all over you. You going to her house to drop of a CS check to see her--when it can be mailed--is not civility but a tad on the border of " I want to see you". You two are friends. just admit it. Don't lie to me and say you don;t care for the woman. What makes this 10x worse is that 7 months ago she sued him for lifetime alimony and would have won. her buyOut was $100K. She collected $142K from a stock sale & then 1 month later demanded $100K. Forget the money, I dont care for that. what upsets me is my DH, has forgiven her 7 months later and says she is not a bad person. And We don;t have this kind of money laying around. we had to remortgage to do it.
His behavior towards her has me upset.
So I went on a tangent because I am angery. My question is, is it wrong for me to ask him to send her an email basically saying that he communicates with her for civility sake of the children, and that she needs to tapier down the emails a weee bit, and that he does not care for her? (as he tells me).