You are here

First time...help

lsneed0810's picture

Submitted by lsneed0810 on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 8:52pm

This is my first time posting...I just joined. I actually have a healthy relationship with my husband's ex (sorry, I don't know the lingo yet) and a healthy rlationship with my stepson....however, whenever my NEW (four months married, five years together) husband mentions his son coming for a visit, I sink into a depression that causes me to withdraw from our marriage and I dread it more that anything....I hate it when the child is here....my whole life turns upside down....is this normal??

startingover2010's picture

Submitted by startingover2010 on Sat, 06/19/2010 - 9:35pm

yes, it is normal.

try to find out why you feel this way, so u can fix it. i think u are halfway there. having a good relationship with stepson is a good thing that can just mean greater things to come.

i think that you feel this way because your stepson is a link to your husbands past, and a reminder that you will never have the same 'firsts' experiences with him. u may feel resentment because time is taken away from you with your husband.

think positive! u dont have to fall in love with the kid, and he doesnt have to love u either. but, keep things positive and they should stay positive.

molly1020's picture

Submitted by molly1020 on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 11:50am

Hi- I am also new & need help, not sure which forum to post on.
I married my DH last year 5/10. We met at work 7 yrs ago. I was single- he was married--told his wife he had strong feelings for me, then told me. They stayed married for 2 years & divorced.

He was divorced for 3 years & I saw him & we married within 9 months (i know).

I am 43-he is 60. He children are 37, 36, 25. Not one of them have met me, will not meet me,or acknowledge our marriage.

I moved out of Boston left my home to live in his new home-2.5 from the city.I am alone a lot as he works as a nurse 3/12 hour shifts in the city & stays at his elderly moms in between..for distance issues.
I have a home close to the city--that I am hanging onto--as it is mine and 20 minutes from my fmaily.

My mom is dying my uncle is dying, I am being worked up for ovarian cancer.

I am a nurse & was hurt at work very bad, had long term disbailty that I paid inot & it was cut on 12/25. So I have no money-no income.

That said he still asked me for money for the taxes of his home--he covered most-but had me tap into my equity line, as he did as well to fix the car that was mine that I gave him--repairs where $800 (on a new Volvo) said he could not afford it.

He pays most of the bills here--I pay for all of my bills at my other house.
I have consigned my jewelry, sold so much.

I believe I have given him too much, too much money .
His ex-owes him 18,000--to which she has from an inheritance--but they are going back and forth--over pictures.

I am in the process of filing for a separation & leaving.
The children, the lack of sex (he cannot so it with Viagra), his problem with spending, issues with his ex-wife. I am at my wits end.

I have let mysef go..43 a size 6 my WHOLE life have gained 40 pounds since being here, depressed, sad, lay in bed, & lonely, & do not go out--there is no where to go..A cvs is 20 minutes away.
His kids I think are spoiled punks--who will not change. Everyone tells me it is not my problem--not to worry...Hi friends have no respect for me either it is obvious---
Any advice.

Thank you.

Mariana79's picture

Submitted by Mariana79 on Thu, 01/20/2011 - 1:58pm

You are SO normal. When SS8 comes to visit I DREAD it! I keep finding later work to do an activities by myself. The house turns upside down and everything we do, from what to eat to what to watch on TV revolves around SS8. I feel like I don't belong.