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feeling nothing.... maybe

kaseynboys's picture

Submitted by kaseynboys on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 1:50pm

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Had a blow out with SO last night over SD12. I am home alone (as usual) with BS12, BS12 (twins), SD12, SD9, SS7, SD5, and BD3. I am kinda scaring myself today. I may have hit bottom last night. Today I have just not cared. Let the kids run all over me and the house without putting a stop to it. I am a nursing student and have been trying to write a report for HOURS..... have 3 words done. I give up.... I just don't care. Want to just lock myself in my room and cry or sleep or both.

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 2:21pm

You really do have your hands full...can you not call someone to come over so you can do what you have to do while they watch the kids?? You are running on empty and you are overtired..just take a deep breath and call someone....dont give up....and by the way you have 3 12yr olds that can help out alot..give them some chores to do....

Z

kaseynboys's picture

Submitted by kaseynboys on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 6:15pm

Zoie, no I don't know anyone here except my SO and his ex's. We moved here to be near his kids. My friends and family are 6 hrs away. SD12 is a freaking nightmare and can not be alone with any of the others. Today I had a huge blowout with SD9. My BS12 (x2) do help out a lot with the three yr old, but today I didn't even feel like I cared. I literally let all of them do anything they want. The thing that really scares me is that I am NOT that mom. My children behave and are extremely well mannered and I teach respect. All the children right down to the three yr old have a chore list as well. My boys were absolutely shocked by how I let the others act today. The oldest (and most mature) actually asked if he should call an ambulance because something was very wrong with me. SO got home a few hrs ago.I wont even talk to him. I made dinner, fed the kids (I didn't even eat), took home one of the skids, and am now in my room still trying to get my report done. He just left to take the other 3 home. Between crying off and on all day and this massive migraine I have, I can hardly see the computer screen much less concentrate on my school work.

Zoie's picture

Submitted by Zoie on Mon, 01/17/2011 - 6:48pm

I am so sorry you are feeling this blue...clearly you need a break and your SO needs to help you and if he doesn't something gonna give... Can BM keep her kids and you can deal with your own kids....
First of all you need to eat, my gosh you cannot run on empty..you needs some food..drink some water and get your paper done..then get a good night sleep and tomorrow will be a better day...You will be back to yourself in no time.......

I wish I could do more to help you..I really do......

Keep the faith..things will get better...... Smile

ddakan's picture

Submitted by ddakan on Fri, 01/21/2011 - 5:43am

I understand your life.

We started out with:

sd11, ss10, dd9, dd8, ss7, ds4, ds baby. It is physically and mentally exhausting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The best thing I did to survive was plan the entire week beforehand. Meals, fun, etc....summers were a pain in the ASS! We used to hide and seek outside and it was so fun. We'd go camping and the kids had a blast. It seems like the times when I thought it was the hardest, the kids remember as being the most fun. Feeding 9 people 3 times a day was frikin tiring!! We made grilled sandwiches once and it took 2 HOURS!!! LOL

Take time out to nuture yourself and have some peacetime. I didn't do this and I cracked up! I know it can be a fiasco, but it can be orderly too. They overrate "love" as being able to endure anything. You can call it love if you want...but it takes determination and tenacity. Wow, I'm tired just thinking about the old days!! LOL

Now we have:

sd21, ss20, dd19, dd18, ss17, ds13, ds9

Life is a lot better now! You have to figure out what kind of things are going to help you survive and implement them. You have to have rest and sanity to do your papers. Sometimes they get the best of you, but start fresh again tomorrow. With this amount of stress you are entitled to have a bad day. I used to be alone with all the kids a lot because DH had to work. We were soooooo short on money!

I'm excited for you about the nursing. I always wanted to do that and would have been good at it, but for many reasons (mother/ex) I didn't get to do it. I'm working on my Bachelor's degree now. Good luck to you!!