splitting quality time
Im 23 i have been dating a man with 3 kids for almost a year. Things moved very quickly and i am pretty much with the children the whole week that we have them. I am at my boyfriends home from the time they get home until the time they go to bed. I pretty much play mommy at daddys house. He's an excellent father and tries so hard to make up the time he doesnt get to spend with them. The biomother doesnt seem to spend much quality time with them, she works until an hour before their bed time. The youngest is 5yr she was almost 2 when her parents divorced she doesnt remember her mother and father living together. In my oppinion she is starving for attention, her father and I try to give each of the three all the attention that we can our lives are very busy we are active in church, gymnastics and soccer and seem to have a ton of homework. As well as 3 kids to take care of. The daughter doesnt like to share anything especially people. Which includes me, her father and any guests that come over. She wants to be the center of attention all the time. A little friend came over and she threw a fit because the little girl was playing with her brothers more than her. Which was not the case. My problem is that any time her father and i speak to eachother she gets mad and tells me not to talk to him. If i hug him he gets in the middle ( which turns into a 5 pack hug in no time) i do love her but i dont know how to help her to realize that its okay if i love daddy too. She gets mad if i kiss him when i leave i always tell the kids bye first and i hug and kiss them on their foreheads but she gets mad if i kiss "HER" daddy. She tells me all the time that hes "HER" daddy. i try to reassure her that he is her daddy and i am an extra person to love her and i can love everybody in the family. She asked me if i loved her mommy and i told her that i did because her mommy made her. I dont know what to do to make her share time and attention? And to help her to be comfortable that i am not wanting to take daddy away from her i wouldnt want a man that didnt raise his children.
I'm not sure how to handle
I'm not sure how to handle this, but I think anything that's possibly going to change this should come from daddy.
It's got to be hard because you want to reassure the kid and give her the attention she deserves, but you don't want to create a little monster who throws a fit when she's not the center of attention.
It could just be her age, but maybe next time she says "My Daddy" maybe your BF could point out that he's also the other two kids' daddy and he also loves you, but luckily enough, he has plenty of love to go around. He could also point out to her in a way a five year old can understand all of the ways you make his and the kids' lives better. I remember my DH doing this fairly frequently when I first became involved with his kids and he still does it on occasion. It's a good idea and way to foster gratitude.
Awe that is so beautiful that
Awe that is so beautiful that you told her you loved her mommy because she made her. That is what she needed to hear. It's like that with a new baby too and even if you have bios, they get jealous of mommy kissing daddy. You just keep doing the same things and teaching her what you are doing because she needs to learn it before she gets older and is a giant brat!!
I think you're doing an
I think you're doing an amazing job and have a lot of patience. I'm in sort of a similar situation with my stepchild who is 3. Her father could be fawning over her all night but the second he comes to give me a hug, she wants to be in the middle. If he kisses me or we start a conversation, she constantly interrupts with nonscense or she just keeps telling him she loves him. I know every parent wants to hear their child tell them that but when it's 20 times in a row and interrupts us every 2 minutes, it gets irritating. We live together and she does not visit her mother so we also never get a break which makes it even harder. I know she wants my love and attention too but sometimes I find it difficult to give when I am so frustrated. At least you are patient and shower her with love and understanding. I really wish I could have that attitude but I am getting frustrated so often that it's difficult, especially when I never get a break. I think as long as you continue what you are doing and make sure you keep reminding her that she is loved by both of you but that the love needs to be shared as you also love him and his two other sons. Jealousy is always to be expected in a situation like ours since we are the outsider coming into the family but it doesn't mean that it's any less hurtfull when you are constantly being scolded for showing your man affection. All I can say is that I understand your frustration but think you are far better off as you seem to have a great outlook on this and an incredible amount of patience. It's not easy to always be mature in situations where feelings are involved but I think you are doing the best you can. Hang in there!