BD met with Counselor today and let it out about SD
So my BD11 is having a hard time with SD13 since she moved in with us FT nearly 7 months ago. SD is a bully and her attitude is so nasty (prob like all 13yolds) but when BD goes to dad and tries to tell her about how mean and nasty and rude she is - he just shrugs it off. (I have tried everything I can to get this point across....he always ends up saying - YOU Hate her; or what else now....
Example: the other day I went shopping and BD called crying saying SD was punching her in the back and held the door open to let my BS9 attach her (playing around but not) Meanwhile dad was home and just ingoring the whole thing. I tell him about it and he just ignores it....says "here we go again."
Or when he finds something out that happend the day before - he says "too late now." Ya; for a three year old - a 13 year old can remember what she did!!!!!!!!
My BD was asked if she could talk about it and she said yes - I can with my mom but there's nothing WE can do about it because dad does nothing. 
I tell him about it all the time but it is like he just doesn't give a Shit and says I am blowing it up or whatever else he says.
I am just so sick of it and the shit she gets away with; this is the biggest reason I am thinking about leaving. If he is not willing to see how she is affecting our family then it's not really a family.....
What can I do to MAKE him see that enough is enough
Have the counselor talk to
Have the counselor talk to him. Also keep a log of the bullying behavior. Sometimes one thing doesn't sound like much but when you add it up, it creates the picture. Does he know you are close to leaving?
I would threaten to leave him
I would threaten to leave him - this summer my SS16 hit my DD5 a little too hard - he knew what he did and when she started crying I rushed over to him got right in his face in front of DH and said in a low but very controlled voice - if you ever touch my daughter again I will fucking kill you - there must have been a look in my eyes because he immediately apologized and said he did not mean to hurt her.
This is your daughter you need to be the voice for her - you need to get in your DH's and your SD's face and tell them that SD needs to stop tormenting your daughter and DH needs to get his balls back and grow a spine or you are out of there - your poor daughter should not have to go through this shit - it seems as if you may have made a poor choice in a DH and that happens sometimes but for your daughter's sake you need to protect her. If you can't leave at this time then I suggest you get your BD into karate lessons and when SD tries to fuck with her she can fight back right now she is helpless and you need to step in and take control.
I may sometimes hate my SS and sometimes I love him but I will be damned if I would ever put up with any bullshit from him regarding my daughter and my DH knows this - she is our daughter but I truly would hurt anyone who hurts her and my SS knows this - you SD is old enough to be afraid of you and she should be - she is a bully and needs to be put in her place. - I am not trying to be harsh here but if your daughter is crying out to a therapist it is time for you to really step in and take control and if that means leaving DH so be it.
Yes imaSmom - I told my 16
Yes imaSmom - I told my 16 year old SS that if he touched my DD who was 4 at the time and he slapped her that I would fucking kill him if he touched her again - he has a mean streak and I will not have my child hurt by a 16 year old boy - and he did it on purpose - he had a nasty smile on his face when she came running to me and he knew what he had done - it was not the first time that he accidentally "hurt" my daughter and I waited 38 years to find the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and have a child with and I will be damned if that child would be hurt by her brother whom she adores but funny by the end of the Summer visit he had been so mean to her that she said to me in the car she could not understand why but she wanted her brother to go back to his house and she did not cry this time when he left. Something happened this year with my SS and we think it had to do with PASing from his mom - whatever the case if you are pissed at us don't take it out on my daughter!!! She is little and I am the only person protecting her!!!
I agree Caregiver and I would
I agree Caregiver and I would LOVE to say those things to my SD I don't know why I am so "scared" of my DH and yes I am finding out things about him since his princess moved in that I HATE.
He is very good at Manipulating me; I will go into the conversation KNOWING 1000% I am in the right; but within 10 minutes I find myself questioning myself. I am not this way with anyone else.......MY friends and family call me the BITCH; because I don't hesitate to tell you about yourself but for some reason he has this thing over me. In fact my MIL says he does the same thing to her.
I do stick up for my daughter but when I do; she is BF again with SD which makes me look like a dumbass.
Thank you thank you....
Every situation is different and it's so hard to express things online and "tell the whole story" but to me.....It seems like you have your head on straight and you wouldn't do things unless necessary...
Thanks caregiver - love your advice
AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE:
We are going to tell my BD after x-mas that dad is not her BD; the only response I can think of that she will say is
"So now I know why!!"
If this is too much for her to handle and is more of a strain then March 1st is our move out date. My daughter comes first
Ouch! I would hold off on the
Ouch!
I would hold off on the "Revelation". It may make her feel less empowered.
Personally I would teel my DH either he stops the figihting or I am gone. Or maybe I find some 16 yr old who needs a punching bag.
I like the idea of sending her to karate. Not only to protect herself against the 'mean girls'but in the future. It will help her self esteem.
Have you thought of having a quiet word with your SD? Mention that the physical stuff and meaness stops or the next time she hurts 'someone' you will be calling the police. She is 13 and old enough to be sent to juvie..
I see this as taking the power back from a child and into the hands of someone old enough to be responsible.
When your DH rolls his eyes etc he is deflecting the problem away from his daughter so you get confused.
May ask him if some kid smacks his daughter will he feel so ambivalent? She will not be able to get away with this behaviour in adult life.
Or you can hit her back and deny anything happened. I just think you should also talk to your daughter and point out that when you speak to her father about this stuff and he sees them being nice to each other it makes you look stupid.
The reason she is with us is
The reason she is with us is because she has a PFA from her SF; he took and took for then years and after she bit him - he snapped!!
If I do say anything SD runs to daddy and then he jumps on me; then he wonders why I don't even bother with her!!
The Only reason I have decided to tell my BD now is that I have heard that SD is running her mouth telling people that dad is not my BD REAL dad!!
I have told dad about this - only to be told "SD would never do anything like that!!
OF COURSE NOT THEY ARE PERFECT..............PUKE
You need to protect your
You need to protect your daughter. Tell her before SD does. Then I would tell DH you are planning on moving out if things don't change. He may wise up, mine did.
I wouldn't care how afraid of
I wouldn't care how afraid of my dh I was there is nothing in this world that would keep me from protecting my child. I would be up in both of their faces till something gave! LOL I would not put up that shit in a million years. If my dh touched me his ass would be jail faster than he thought he could hit me. As for the SD same with her I'd have her arrested of it didn't stop. I would give her and dh fair warning it happens again and he does nothing I will call the police. It may only take a couple of time before your dh get it but he will either get it or leave.
Thank you all very much; I
Thank you all very much; I need to use the backbone I have. Right now he has me by the.......
Christmas time I am flat broke and it takes me a couple of weeks to get back on my feet; so this is the time he is the worst. Because he tells me if I don't like it then get out - WITH MY THREE KIDS (ours) He knows I have nowhere to go so he knows he can say horrible stuff.
Thank you all and I will keep these suggestions in mind; Merry Chrismas and Happy New Year.
I can only talk at work on breaks due to the fact that my DH would kill me if he knew I was on here......I am off till next year.
Have a Wonderful relaxing holiday!!
hbell0428 - Sweetie your DH
hbell0428 - Sweetie your DH cannot make you leave the house - you have three kids so the person leaving the house would be your DH - so politely tell DH and in a calm voice that if he continues to speak to you in a horrible manner and if his nasty spawn touches your daughter again that you have records from the therapist with your daughter stating what a piece of shit your SD is and the you will call the police and have them both removed from YOUR home - even if he pays the bills it is still your home and since you have the kids he would have to get out -
He is emotionally and verbally abusing you and you need to make him stop - his daughter is learning extremely bad behaviors from her father - this is a sad situation and he CANNOT say horrible things to you and you are not broke - if anything it is called CS and Alimony it works for all the BM's on here and should work for you - lol - Praying for you!!