Should I be upset about this?
Okay so, long story short, BM is in town for a few days before she takes SD5 back to california with her. She hasn't been here a full day even, and I feel like tearing my hair out. She came by to pick SD5 up last night, to take her to the hotel with her. I packed SD a bag with three outfits, a pair of pajamas, and socks and underwear. Well BM calls FDH at work to tell him that she is throwing the shirts away because they don't fit SD5. :O I know those clothes fit her, two out of three shirts were brand new, and they where bought a size too large to allow room for her to grow. So I am pissed about that. Now apparently when I called FDH about that, he said "I think we need to get SD5 some new clothes." Okay fine she needs new clothes anyway. What I am upset about is, when he said "we" he didn't mean, him and myself, he meant him and BM. So as I type this they are off purchasing clothes for SD5. Now I don't think this is right, she could get her new clothes, or we could get her new clothes. The two of them going together to get clothes for her has to be crossing some line in the sand.....I dunno, just kinda got my feelings hurt here. I pick her clothes out just fine. If she wants to buy her clothes great, but do it on your own time. Also leave my FDH's debit card out of it! :sick:
Would anyone else be upset about this? :?
Another question that I have
Another question that I have is, she is about to take SD to Cali for winter break. I want to know how much of this new stuff is going with her, and how much of it comes back with her. :?
I would be wondering why I
I would be wondering why I wasn't invited? I mean you are the step mother, why should you be left out? that bitch would not go to the store with my man, playing happy family, I would have went but that's just me, I'm crazy like that...
Amen! She should be a big
Amen! She should be a big girl and go alone, but if he's going... I'm going. Period.
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Hell no. This is something
Hell no. This is something BM should be doing in her own time, with her own debit card. However, if DH is simply doing damage control, I'd be going along too. You have every right to be pissed. She lost the privileges of shopping with DH. Think he'd tell you if they stopped and got a bite to eat, and he and BM is 'playing family'? "for the sake of SD5"?
Hell to the NO! My DH would
Hell to the NO! My DH would not dare pull such a stunt! If he ever felt the need to go on a shopping trip with BM, I would inform him of my need to go on a trip right the hell out of his house, life etc. HELL NO!
Did you tell him that you were hurt that they are doing this without you??
agree 100%!
agree 100%!
The two of them going
The two of them going shopping together like a family is crossing the line. I understand parents being there for their children but this is something they can do separately and don't need each other to do. My BF buys his kids stuff on his own and wouldn't dare go somewhere with his ex so yes you have every right to be upset.
The two of them
The two of them together..........WTF? Hell no - If she doens't like her damn clothes then she can get some new ones.....I would talk to your DH about this; put it in a diff light. I don't know your situation but would he like it if you went shopping with another man/ex??
I'm sure BM has bought
I'm sure BM has bought clothes for her daughter before, your man dosent need to go or "dontate" to the cause. You should of reminded him that those clothes fit her and she justs wants to make you look like an ass. DO NOT let him go. It's not necessary.
I have to agree with everyone
I have to agree with everyone else. There is no way in hell that I would let DH go shopping with BM (he has no desire to, so there isn't an issue there). They can both shop separately on their own time and their own dollar. DH buys clothes for SS7 when he visits and if he needs them before that he mails them to BM. BM and DH shopping together is crossing a major line. I would be highly upset and it sounds like DH didn't even ask you if this was ok? :O I would like to know what he is doing damage control for? You said the clothes fit her and that 2 of the shirts were brand new. Sounds like to me that BM is being a bitch because YOU bought/sent the clothes SD and DH is just going along with it, which in turn makes you look bad and disrupts y'alls relationship over BM. Not to mention that it could give SD false hope of mommy and daddy getting back together :sick:
I would be so upset. My BF's
I would be so upset. My BF's ex tried to pull something similar on Halloween this year where she wouldn't let him take the kids trick or treating for like an hour because it was her week, but he was invited to go trick or treating with them in her neighborhood. And of course I was invited when she knew all to well that after all the crap that she has pulled there was no way in hell that I would ever go.
So I put my foot down. I explained to my BF what she was doing and that fact that it might send a very confusing message to their kids. And guess what? He didn't do it. He was sad about not being able to do that with them this year. But at the same time he also understood what I was saying. We'll have them next year and he learned that he needs to set some boundaries with her.
Oh wow. My DH spends as
Oh wow. My DH spends as little time as possible with BM. We shop for clothes for our house. She shops for her own. With our money of course. Heaven forbid she get a job!!
wow. she's just showing her
wow. she's just showing her butt and acting like you aren't taking care of the child well enough. and she's getting daddy to buy into it.
in a few years he will get better at telling her to go straight to hell in these situations.
Oh. Hell. No! FDH sent
Oh. Hell. No!
FDH sent luggage with clothing to BM's house ONCE. Nothing he'd purchased came back and SD was sent back in a bedazzled pepto bismol pink t-shirt along with bedazzled jeans. Lesson was learned. We send the skids with the clothing on their backs and SD gets a pull up and change of pants just in case.
Your DH needs a talking to. Perhaps just show him this thread when he gets home so he realizes he's been completely had. I'm so sorry you're stuck in this position.
Thank you guys. FDH just
Thank you guys. FDH just doesn't seem to understand where I am coming from. He noticed that I was upset about it, and just kept saying "I didn't realize that you wanted to go." Well I did want to go, but NOT with BM, it is like he doesn't understand that it was inappropriate for them to go together. :O I brought up the fact that it is probably confusing to SD to see them in public playing "happy family", that it could give a five year old false hope for their relationship. He seems to just NOT get why that was upsetting for me.
Another note, BM called FDH bitching about exactly what he "does" for his daughter. She was saying that "Kay gets her dressed, Kay makes her breakfast, Kay takes her to school, Kay picks her up, Kay helps her with homework....so what do you do exactly?" uhhhhhhh WORK!, that is what he does, he earns a living (she can't hold a job so I excuse her ignorance). I do all of those things when he isn't here to do it! What I find funny though, she bitches at him for not doing those things, but she doesn't do them either!!!! She has been in town since wednesday, the only day that SD made it to school was yesterday. She had to bring her to me to help her with her homework, cause BM couldn't figure it out. If the things that she said above define a parent, then I am the only PARENT that SD has!
He needs to tell her it's
He needs to tell her it's NONE OF HER DAMN BUSINESS what goes on inside his home, as long as the little girl is taken care of, gets to school, is healthy....!!!!
I'd get pissed in that
I'd get pissed in that situation too. But, if he's working and providing....c
Thank you guys so much for
Thank you guys so much for your support, it is nice to know I am not alone in this thinking.
She is a bitch, we need to go to court, we need a court order. This woman didn't want to keep her in cali to send her to school. Now that we have her full time, she thinks she gets to control every little thing we do. FDH doesn't want to "rock the boat" until he has SD established in school for a year or two. She has too much power in this situation, FDH fears that she will change her mind about SD going to school here. BM has six other children living in her home, I don't believe that she has room for SD, let alone the time. But she has to be in control.....
She made this choice, so why lash out now? It doesn't make much sense to me. She can't have it both ways. If she wants to control everything then she needs to keep her full time. She didn't want that so I think she needs to butt out.
Fyi, possession is 9/10 of
Fyi, possession is 9/10 of the law & 6 months is status quo.... Go to court.