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Holiday Drama

stepcyndi21's picture

Submitted by stepcyndi21 on Sun, 12/12/2010 - 9:39pm

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Blended Family Issues

I am a stepmom and my husband and I have custody of the two children. We just received custody in August. My drama is the holiday season. We have one child together. And this holiday season we see the kids on Christmas eve and spend Christmas day with their mom. It switches every year. So my problem is how to handle the gift giving. Our original idea was to celebrate on Christmas eve with my step children and our daughter all together. And then give our daughter her own Christmas on the day of. I felt that this was more than fair since they will have a second Christmas at their mom's house. My mother is telling me not to give my daughter an additional Christmas. She is telling me that I basically have two choices
1) Everyone celebrates together, and just let my step children have two and it doesn't matter if my daughter feels disappointed because she will get over it. And my step children won't feel left out.
2) Each child just gets to open one present on Christmas eve and then my daughter gets Christmas Day and my step children will have Christmas day with their mom.

I am very confused on what to do and how to handle this. I am looking out for my daughter and feel that the step children will be fine since they are expecting two Christmas' for the rest of their childhoods. I feel my loyalty to my daughter and I feel like I am the only on defending her here, it has caused HUGE problems with my husband and I.

Does anyone have any advice on this issue or how have you handled it in your own household? I don't want to have to go through this every year.

MamaBecky's picture

Submitted by MamaBecky on Sun, 12/12/2010 - 10:27pm

I think your original plan is just fine. Tell your mother that you respect her opinion but do it your way. Since SKIDS are getting two holidays there's no reason why your daughter cant. Do xmas eve with all of them together and then xmas day with your child. Sounds good to me.

In my family we arranged it so that we get kids from the last day of school until Christmas eve night and then they are with their BM's from Christmas eve night until school resumes. Santa just comes to my house one day early so they do presents on xmas eve morning. We treat xmas eve just like xmas day. Once they leave then on the "real" xmas day we either go to DH's family's for xmas dinner or I have my BM over and I make xmas dinner. My DH's mom would prefer we get skids every other year xmas day....but for us we prefer xmas eve. We get to do it all "fresh" with skids and then BM's get to have the real day...but they have already done it all the day before....and its not nearly as exciting for them....its like...yeah yeah we did this yesterday...we get them freshly excited. I just love it. Whatever works best for you...that's what you do. Enjoy the holidays.

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Sun, 12/12/2010 - 10:34pm

It is very fair to give her more as the skids will have 2. I look at it this way if their mom can give them presents for her why can't you as the mom to your kids give your kids presents too? I do this with my kids. I would also tell my mom that this is how you are choosing to do it.

RaeRae's picture

Submitted by RaeRae on Mon, 12/13/2010 - 7:23am

We have my skids the first part of school break, until the day AFTER Christmas. They will then go to their moms and open gifts there. I have decided to buy my kids extra gifts, though I haven't spoken to DH about it. My kids will have some gifts stuck back in the closet, to open later without skids, since skids will be off having fun opening presents with their filthy rich great grandma (BM has never spent an earned dime on her children, never buys them gifts, it all comes from psychograndma, oblivious great grandma, and this year from bisexual SD).

I've already expressed the 'fairness' of the situation... I know he can't help what goes on with BM, and we can't afford a lot as it is. However, my family has accepted skids openly and warmly into the family and includes them in holidays, and their birthdays... My ex husband however, has little to do financially with my kids, and he lives 3000miles away. So our home is the only 'christmas' my kids will have. I feel my kids should have a little more, but I'm not going to throw that up to skids....