Anyone out there with someone going through a divorce??
My bf is going through a divorce which has been dragged out for a really long time. Unfortunately his wife/ex whatever she is has complete control since she didn't want to be divorced in the first place. We have had to be really careful so as not the piss her off because every time we show signs of aggitation over her she makes it worse/harder. She won't look in the mirror and take responsibility at all for the fact that she was an equal contributor in the breakdown of her marriage. It's easier for her to blame my bf for leaving her and "cheating" on her. Even though he didn't. We were together very shortly after my man moved out of the house and so she instantly blamed me and said I'm the reason he left her and now I will get papers in the mail stating that very thing. I am the reason for their divorce because he didn't give them a chance to "reconcile" because we got together so quickly. She's been driving us crazy for more than a year and dragged it out now it won't be until May at least until they are divorced. I hate this woman but I don't want her to have any hint that I feel this way because that's exactly what she wants. It's been sooooo hard dealing with someone else's divorce, mostly because I don't have a say. I know I could be anyone but to her the worst part is that I am MUCH younger than her. Anyone else with someone who is/was divorcing? I will have gone through the whole process with him once this is finished.
why was he even looking to
why was he even looking to start a relationship 'shortly' after leaving his wife??i'm sorry but if i were you i'd cool it with him until his divorce is over.it's too close to making you look like the other woman and it's going to make his life harder during this already tough time.of course his wife is pissed.he walks out on her then starts up a relationship before the divorce papers are even filed or signed?
personally my moral standards wouldn't allow me to date a married man.until those papers are signed he is a married man.
DH & BM had been separated
DH & BM had been separated for 4 years before I met him. BM left. DH had divorce papers drawn up 3 times & she never would sign, so he was still legally married when we met.
BM insisted that even though DH & BM were with other people, somehow it would be traumatic for their kids to have divorced parents. (As though having their married parents living with other people was better...but whatever BM.)
I was with DH for 2 years before BM finally signed the papers. She only signed after DH closed their CS case which closed out BM's arrears & kept her out of jail.
Those were our most difficult years as far as there being tension between him & me. The bulk of the tension didn't come from us having his kids full-time (though it was less than a picnic, but we were all adjusting). The bulk of the tension came from the fact that BM was doing everything in her power to push me out so she could come back in. Yes, technically I was the other woman. However, I am confident that it's safe to say that I was not the reason for their divorce. She did that all on her own when she walked away from him & his kids for the last time & stayed gone for 4 years. She only came back around when she found out I was in the picture & all of a sudden she needed another chance to be a mother to her children. She blamed me for DH not taking her back at that point. She believes they could've "worked things out" had I not been with him.
Honestly, the process itself wasn't so bad. It was the time it took reaching the process that was brutal. I had nightmares, several times weekly, about her living in the basement. (We were living in their marital home & all of her stuff was still there.) It was like her spirit was still very much there with us & I really struggled with that.
I am convinced that she will blame me for all of it & accept responsibility for none of it until the day she dies. I've learned to accept that I can't change what she thinks, & I've learned not to care.
I don't envy what you're going through. Good luck!
I met DH after his divorce.
I met DH after his divorce. DH had already had a psycho "rebound" and literally had to put a RO on her.
My advice is they are not normally emotionally ready yet in "most" cases unless they have been totally out of the hen house for no less than a year.
Source: Experience (be careful)
I completely agree. I could
I completely agree. I could never understand why it SEEMED like my H would think badly about me. Like I would do the exact same crap that BM did/does.
Once I found out that they had only been broken up 2 MONTHS rather than the 2 YEARS that I was told, it made SO MUCH more sense to me.
I ALSO would never deal with a man who hadn't been out of the relationship at LEAST a year. Unfortunately, my H decided to lie to me so I didn't have that choice.
Sky? Who lied to you? Really,
Sky? Who lied to you? Really, you must have been shocked.
Another true story, as I was in the world of "dating" :sick: for about a year pre DH, there were TONS of men either married saying they were "single, seperated, divorced", who had no intentions of leaving their wives looking for some nookie on the side.
Don't ask me how I know this. (another "sad but true" but hopefully God knew that I was lied to.) :O
CHECK every guy out completely first. You can find out much about a person off of googling their supposed real names and email addy.
Sorry to be slightly off topic here.
Maux- * wipes forehead *
Maux- * wipes forehead *
This "man" later told me that his "wife" was fine with what he does. I even found him on "Fling.com" after the fact.
Now, he is really a divorced man after his wife was notified of his secret activities.
I don't "go" for that and would want any woman to clue me in, no matter how painful.
Yes, if they are out of your city and want to come "meet you" and have dinner and a few drinks, decline until checked out.
I've helped other women check out their "dates" since.
I started seeing my husband
I started seeing my husband shortly after his separation (3 months?). However, there was no chance of reconciliation, as she has cheated multiple times, he caught her in bed with another man (kids witnessed this man and their mother naked in the kitchen), and she made false accusations against him in court. So there was no way she could put the blame on me.
DH and I had known each other for years. They helped me through my divorce, so I felt like I needed to return the favor, and help him with his kids, during his divorce (wasn't helping her, since she was the ass in the situation). I offered to shop for his girls, watch the kids, just help out here and there and through all this, our friendship grew. We finally decided we would give it a try. Our kids grew up together, and really enjoyed being around each other. We still had to wait the 1 year waiting period before he would be granted a divorce, though. State mandated.
BM was pissed, of course. Still is. She got married 1 month after we did. She's trying to put us through hell, but so far, things have backfired on her.
I don't know your situation, just remember to keep the best interest of the kids in mind.
BM dragged and threatned DH
BM dragged and threatned DH with everything there was for almost two years. He lost 30 pounds during that hell and gave in to her just to get it over with. I was amazed that a woman could trick a guy into pregnancy then just turn around with a 1 year old and kick that sperm donor to the curb. (live and learn)
We have till 2022 here. :O
Maux, I want to know how you
Maux, I want to know how you are still standing! Between this and the last post about SD20 you have been through HELL. I really respect you for hanging in there, none of this could have been easy for you.
I am right there with you on the damn alimony. When all is said and done my bf could pay 2-3k a month in alimony which does not include HALF the 401k (which is outrageous since she refuses to work even though kids are older) and additionally she would like him to pay her medical bills. This woman is a hypochondriac, you name it she suffers from it. Her biggest bills are from psychologists/psychiatrists etc. She's on anti-depressants and anxiety meds and so on and so forth. The sad part is that she has been in counseling for YEARS and certainly through most of their marriage. She can dare to say that my bf put her there but she's been doing it for so long that I doubt that would come up.
What really bothers me is that she had more than several opportunities to work but chose not to, or she accepted jobs and then worked there a few months deciding that she hated the people and quit. My bf eventually was like I am working, cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids and all you do is read good housekeeping magazine (this is intersting since she does no housekeeping!) you need to work at least part time. She got a job at a great college out here when the kids were almost college age and they would have had free tuition but she quit THAT job too!! That would have secured their futures, they wouldn't have had student loans and they could study whatever they wanted. But no, because of her own selfishness she decides it's not for her. I could go on and on but you get the idea.
Iloveit we are still in the
Iloveit we are still in the same boat hunny
My BF's divorce was not finalized until 6 months after we were together and that makes it tough because BM was still going through the emotions that comes with divorce. And I was also going through a divorce when BF and I got together but I was way past being over my ex husband so I had none of the emotions that comes with it. But my ex husband did, so my ex was calling me and his ex was calling him in the beginning of our relationship. Just give it time and I hope it gets better for you. Now my ex is getting married again in May so things can get better.
Stillsearching...I'm not sure
Stillsearching...I'm not sure if I realized you were divorced as well. Even though his kids are around (unfortunately!) they at least are too old for custody/child support issues etc. I do feel grateful for that. I'm not sure that I would be around if it were different!
To be honest with you, I have identified with her and kind of felt sorry for her about this divorce. She's almost 50 and has been in this marriage for many years. She has to start all over again at that age and she has NEVER taken care of herself. I'm talking about in marriage but also by her parents. She's had people enable her all her life. I hate to admit that my bf definitely contributed and he does regret that but it is what it is.
Yeah I usually don't talk
Yeah I usually don't talk about being divorced unless a certain subject comes up. The CS I don't worry about because I have my own money and keep it separate from him and the kids. It seems like you are pretty positive about the BM and that is good, I hope she stays out of your business. My BFs ex wife was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis days after he left her and that had to be hard on her. But hey I didn't hold his hand when he left out the door so I had no part in it at all. In our 2 1/2 year relationship she has stayed out of our lives for the most part. She calls now and then to discuss the kids which I understand completely because hey it is their kids. I know a lot of SMs on here have bad issues with the BMs and I am so glad that I don't (knock on wood) I hope you don't have troubles as well.