how to stop abuse talk??
I posted a blog earlier about it being kind of funny that she was trying to tell my Dh that i was telling people silly things that didn't matter, but like always she has to be hurtful about things. At the begining of Nov she started in on how my Dh abuses his son when he's here and how he has "awful bruises" so we did a welfare check to make sure he was okay and thought the problem was over. Later about 2-3 weeks my Dh had to go to the sheriffs station for an abuse complaint by his ex the case was dropped that day. That being said, he talked to her about starting to call his son twice a week and she was just saying silly things about our relationship, then he told her he wasn't going to talk to her about anything other than their son, and that she didn't need to know anything about his personal life as he didn't need to know anything about hers. she said "both of you need to stop lying about things that concern MY son" he replied "the case was dropped by two professionals trained to detect abuse, I belive we should now put that behind us for the sake of our son being happy. I love him and I know you love him, so we need to work on things between us to make his life happier." she replied "he is happy at my house where no one hurts him, he just isn't happy at your house because he is getting hurt" they then ceased contact and he did not text her back. Is there any way to stop this?? It hurts my Dh alot to hear that over and over again.. what can we do?
There is no way to stop her
There is no way to stop her from talking about something she wants to talk about, but there is no reason for him to respond to her or engage her when she mentions it.
Every time DH has to talk to BM2 about anything, she tries to bring up allegations that he was abusive towards her, which he was not. She likes to argue and loves drama, and doesn't have any friends so she can't get it going with anyone else. So now their contact is limited to email only because she cannot refrain from trying to start an altercation through phone calls or texts.
When they're talking and she brings it up, he has to redirect her. If she says "My son is happy here because you abuse him" he has to say "What is the location for transition on Friday?" Just ignore her when she talks about anything else. Keep redirecting back to the reason for the call or text. Ignore everything else.
If she continues to file abuse charges and allegations and they are repeatedly found to be causeless, he should file a complaint that she is doing this punatively and it is harassment. Also, she should be made aware that every time she files a complaint and makes false allegations of abuse, she contributes to a situation where she will not be believed if her son is ever actually abused. Eventually the mention of her name is going to get the "Yeah, yeah, her again, file this in the trash" and her son could potentially be in harm's way thanks to her litigiousness.
I'm really sad to here that
I just posted about a book
I just posted about a book that would probably be very helpful in your situation:
http://www.steptalk.org/node/36728
Of course, DH would have to be willing to read it...
If she is consistently
If she is consistently accusing your DH of abuse I would talk to a lawyer. I know you mentioned she filed a complaint that he had to answer to the police on. If this is something she discusses with the child or within earshot of the child & it, in fact, is NOT happening, THAT can be considered mental abuse. She is trying to make the child believe that his dad is abusing him.
I would recommend you consult with a lawyer in those regards & see what they can do to make it stop.
Our BM has convinced DH's kids that in disciplining them my DH was 1)not accepting them as individuals in their choices & 2)abusing them.
At 17 years old, my SS called the other night & told DH he "hates him for being abusive to him". He said it's been on his mind a lot & he had to get it off his chest. It's seriously affecting SS mentally.