This reads as a major Physics equation/ problem.

I would be willing to bet that she feels like you are only picking on her child. Explain that you are not and see how she reacts. You have to be honest in these types of situations.

Good Luck! ( answer is no, BTW not a big deal)

I'm having a hard time comparing the two situations. They are differing ages, differing needs. Assuming that you both agree that the alloted computer time as assigned is fair, I will say that if one child was given extra 'school' time then the other child should expect the same priviledge. If you expect one to give up personal/play time to do school work then you should expect it from both.

I think it sound like they both need to find other interests but that's just me. Two hours at a time and everyday is a lot.

I have to say. I might be a lazy parent but I just don't have the patience to be that precise with my kids. At 15, if you give them their own computer I would expect that they will want to use it ALL THE TIME. I can understand setting a limit for what time to be off at night. I just don't want to micro manage anyones time that way.

At our house, you don't get to use the computer until school work is done or you have a plan to do it. And if school work and grades aren't kept up then there is a complete loss of computer/video game privledges.

I'm sorry but what is it with all of this, "Child1, Child2" ???

Are they human or research subjects.

I did not realize we were taking advanced math here. Jeez dude.

Could you possibly buy let us say, " Child1 or Child2" another PC?
That would solve this problem. It is like multiple choice.

Needhelp…can you give another example of how it is unfair? I just have different views on computer time, so I would kind of like another example if you have one.

And I don't care how you refer to the kids. I know it is just to make it simple on the reader.

This is not a "bitch about your SO" forum?

I wish someone would have told me that golden rule before I posted what an ass mine was in that case.

Woah! I'm on page 2 of this post. I thought it had all been deleted by dad1.

I don't think this sounds unreasonable at all. Your step has substantial amount of time on the computer to complete assignments and to mess around. I think your wife is mistaking the fact that you are not applying different "rules" on the hours to favor one child versus another but that the circumstances are different because when it comes to the computer I think 15 years old versus 12 years old is a big difference. It just shouldn't be that big of a deal!!

Firstly, I absolutely agree with setting limits on PC and games console use, and ensuring appropriate use of internet access. That's not being a control freak, that's being a responsible parent. I know myself how much time can be fruitlessly absorbed sitting in front of a laptop! Sometimes I think I could do with some adult control software!

We initially allowed SD14 and SS12 free rein in terms of online time but found that they were just not able to self-limit those activities and they spent so much time connecting online with their friends and playing games that they spent little or no time connecting with us or each other. It seriously damaged our family dynamic. Since we limited access and used parental control software to schedule their online time our home is much happier and more sociable.

An allowance of 2 hours a day and 10 hours at the weekend seems generous to me. Since your SD15 has vastly more online time per week than DD12 (20hours vs 4hours) I would say that it is reasonable to expect SD15 to include any study time within her allowance, although on the first occasion that she asked for more time for schoolwork I would probably give her the benefit of the doubt and give her the extra time, but clarify that in future she needs to include her studies within her online allowance. DD12's allowance of 4 hours at the weekend is such a small allowance that I would say it was fair to allow her that for 'play', and I don't see how it would be fair to oblige her to do her homework at the weekend by forcing her to do homework within that allowance.

Now having said all this I think your real problem is the fact that you have to pore over the minutae of logic and reasoning over every issue that occurs, because you and your wife are so defensive with each other over what should be minor parenting decisions. Your wife clearly has a fundamental underlying feeling that you have a negative attitude towards her children. It sounds like you have different parenting styles, with your style perhaps being more traditional and strict, and have not been able to reconcile those style to come up with a mutually agreed approach, so your wife is interpeting your style towards her children as expressing some prejudice or negativity on your part. Unfortunately discipline from a stepparent can come across to the children and bioparent more heavily than it would from a parent because it is not underpinned by unconditional love on both sides. I would strongly recommend counselling, because you need to analyse what is going on in your home together, learn to trust each other's parenting, and try to come up with some mutually agreed groundrules, and I think you need help to do this. I have been through counselling with my husband and it transformed our relationship.

I do think this poster is getting undue criticm just because he is a man and has outlined his issue in quite a logical way. And Luv Them All telling your partner to 'kiss off' and overruling them in front of the child does not seem constructive to me.

Here's why it's an issue for your wife -- it's not about how much time, it's that you're giving your kid extra time but not hers. Here's what I do... I stop and think to myself... would I really care if sd spends 50 hours a week on the computer? Hmmm. No. I don't. Her grades are not my problem, her oversleeping is not my problem, her bad eyesight from hours on the computer is not my problem. The trouble she gets into on who knows what websites is not my problem. So ultimately, let sd have more hours and let it be done. Easy peasy, no more whining by your wife.

In the shoe example - wife just wants you to pay attention and 'catch' your kid sometimes. When you hear him open the door, yell around the corner - HEY TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES! He'll probably laugh it off, she'll feel like you're on her side and you won't 'hear about it' later. Then ignore SD when she walks in with shoes on and hope she walked through mud that mommy can't miss and she gets busted by mom, not you.

I don't disagree with your way of handling this situation. It sounds like the 15-year-old has substantially more computer time than the 12-year-old (20 hours a week vs 4 hours). Given that the 12-year-old has NO computer time during the week but has a significant assignment to complete, it makes sense that you give that child access to the computer during the week. The only OTHER way you could have done that was to take away the weekend time (to balance things out), but that hardly seems fair.

Sounds like your wife wants to pick and choose when things are "equal" and not. If they were "equal," the 12-year-old would have more computer time than currently.

I think, at 15 years old, children are sufficiently advanced enough to know that it is advisable to use the tools available (the computer) wisely to complete their allotted work. First work, then play. My SD used to do the same thing, play on the computer until bedtime and then suddenly remember an assignment that HAD to be done, allowing her MORE time on the computer AND to extend her bedtime simultaneously. Very smart!

I think this is a pretty basic issue and one we all deal with. We all have varying methods and ideas of what is appropriate homework/play behavior, but it is an extremely obvious given that good parents have their kids do their homework before playing any games.

We have a first grader and a seventh grader and they have very different school requirements because of their age difference, but we have the same routine for both and it works like a charm. Our rule is that after a small snack, homework must be done (no matter how long it takes), including reading and practice writing, and then AFTER all homework is done, they each get a set period of play time that can be used on video games, the internet or tv. During the week, they get half an hour and on weekends they get an hour. If their homework takes forever or they goof off, they just don't get their play time! That motivates them and they have figured out that it is far better to just hunker down and get their homework done so they can play rather than dragging out homework time. It's extremely simple and works very well.

BM has no structure or rules and has no limits for game time and tv. The result is that on the days that BM has the skids they don't do their homework and get in trouble in school! With us, they are caught up and both boys have improved their grade point average dramatically compared to when H was with BM and struggling to get her to not sabotage his rules for the kids. Both skids teachers have figured out the home situation and at our last parent/teacher meeting they specifically talked to BM and told her that she is the only parent not participating in after school requirements and that they need her to kick in and do her part! It was hilarious!! She was furious and turned bright red and almost cried! I don't feel sorry for her at all because she has had so much support and advice and KNOWS that she should be making sure her kids get their homework done. The school doesn't assign more than they can handle and we are always there to help when they get stuck.

It's really simple and easy and you would think, idiot -proof! Not so!