FDH and ex-wife attended the “parenting plan” meeting with FSD11’s new counselor on Tuesday night. Her main issue is that she is defiant (for various reasons) and that has now translated into her not going to school much. She’s basically a truancy case at this point. She always goes the day after she stays here the one day during the week (also here EOW but not relevant for school). I was very hopeful that they finally had her in counseling and that maybe, just maybe, a strong counselor could teach them how to set limits with this child. I was also very nervous that this might not work well because both FDH and BM have a VERY difficult time putting limits on FSD11. That’s mainly why she’s such a mess to begin with…

So, FDH was all excited about the plan and told me all about it. He did let me know that BM resisted with the counselor but then agreed. They told SD11 together that same night what the rules were to be at both homes. Of course, this is primarily happening at BM’s house since she lives there most weekdays. 1- No computer after school until parent gets home (it goes to work with parent)2- If her homework requires computer, she can use it once parent is there. 3- If all daily assignments are complete, she can use the computer until 9M for fun and then computerless hour to wind down before bed. 4- If she misses assignments, sneaks computer, refuses to go to school, etc… she has no computer privileges after homework or following weekend. 5- If she does this perfectly all week, she has free use of computer on the weekend. This is ALL because she isn’t going to school because she’s staying up all night on the computer and checking out of life.

OK, sounds good. Plan was agreed upon and communicated to her Tuesday night.

Wed- BM kept her home from school because she wasn’t 100% (she had been sick Sun, Mon and Tues morning). She was like 90% and not contagious.

Thurs/Today- FDH got an email that SD11 refused to go to school. She had stomach pains from nerves apparently. BM is going to ask school if they can arrange home tutoring for her while they work with counselor to fix this issue. Um, how does one tutor a child when one is at work? And SD11 has been on a campaign to be homeschooled, which is impossible, so isn’t this just feeding into it?

Tonight- FDH arrives with all SKs for visitation. At bedtime, I can hear SD11 whining, crying, yelling at FDH for asking her to go to bed which is the normal bedtime craziness. And I kept hearing him say “Save that now and put it away”. I can’t be 100% certain but it sounds to me that she was on her computer past 9PM (this was 10) and that she was allowed computer privileges despite missing school and having assignments that were not completed.
WTH??? We are two whole days into the “Parenting Plan” and no one has parented her in the least. The plan is already blown before it kicked off.

And I would like to take a GIANT bow for NOT SAYING ONE SINGLE WORD to FDH about it tonight when I realized what was going on. Not a word. I was dying inside. I wanted to help. I wanted to point out what was happening. I was internally exploding. But I walked away with not so much as a scowl on my face. Fortunately, everyone is in bed, including FDH so I can just sit back and tell you about it/vent and let this pass for the evening. I’m just sad to see that glimmer of hope fly out the window so quickly. That kid needs them to do this. Their siblings need this to get better. I need this to get better. The parents need this to get better. And for some reason, they just can’t do it yet. I hope that “yet” is just that. This sucks.