17 SD Baby Shower this Saturday

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Well, she's almost 8 months and we wanted to do it before the holidays and it's only a couple days away now. I'm starting to get nervous.

It's at my house and I planned the whole thing with a lot of help from friends and family I got away with only spending about $350 including the gift and it looks like it will be a lovely shower. My DH family and my SD BF family, along with my family have been so supportive. They truly have been wonderful.

Now everyone is not ecstatic about my SD17 having a baby and by all means they have every right to be, so I am kind of nervous because I am pretty crafty (not to brag or anything) and I did make some beautiful decorations and pieces and some really cute favors for the shower, so I hope that no one thinks I am trying to make her feel like this is ok what has happened. I just think that if we are going to do it, at least do it right.

I was very against a shower at first, I thought that a shower for a 17 yr old who lived at home, with no job and had not even finished high school yet was highly inappropriate and I thought it would be more appropriate to ask the family for donations and help. After it sank in and I did some research I found that a lot of people think that a teen mom should get the same experience and enjoy her pregnancy just as an older women should and they off course need more help. I don't see it that way exactly. I kind of think after all is said and done its a little much. I just want it to be nice because I am throwing it and it's just the way I do things.

I asked her mother to buy the games and my SD17 went with her and while they were there my SD saw a tiara that said "MOM TO BE" with rhinestones and feathers and she said she liked it, so her BM bought it. I cringed when I saw it and trying not to be mean I said, its your day and all and its totally up to you, but the tiara is a little much, don't you think? She said yeah, but she really likes it and wishes she were older so she could wear it (personally I would never wear it, ever no matter what age I was) but hasn't made up her mind if she will wear it or not.

I'm 29 with no kids of my own with DH and SD is bring a baby home very soon, I have come to terms with this, but I am afraid I will have a hard time at the baby shower with all the attention she will get or even a mean and evil relative (on DH side of course) will make a comment about her having a baby before me or even that she might be a pregozilla or just not be grateful and humble about all the support and love she is getting and especially all the effort I went through to make this day memorable and beautiful for her. She has been known to do that. On her 16th birthday she cried and later said that it was just "okay" when I suprised her with a limo and took her and a couple friends to dinner and on her 17th birthday I took her to get her hair dyed, a new cell phone and a tanning package and then later to dinner, I've heard her say a few times that her 17th birthday sucked. UGH!

Pray for me Saturday that I do not have a nervous breakdown!

You're doing just fine. You

You're doing just fine. You are the hostess with the mostest and I'm sure she will thank you hugely for the lovely shower. And then it will be over. Don't worry about her having all the attention. You can have your turn and it will be all about you as it should be. I don't think who has a baby first should be a race. You were smart to wait. 17 is pretty young. You are doing so much better than I could at being gracious. Good job. You are the better person.

bebegirl22 - you sound so

bebegirl22 - you sound so sweet and nice - but stop doing so much for your SD - she does not appreciate it and quite frankly that was bitchy what she said about her 16th and then 17th birthday - if what you get her sucks so much this would be the last thing I would do for her - you see she gets pregnant and everyone is fawning over her back in the day she would be ashamed of what she did (she would be shipped off to a house for unwed mothers to have her baby) and would not even think of buying a Tiara that said Mom to Be - that is tacky. Ever since these new shows Sixteen and Pregnant have been shown on TV - pregnancy in teen mothers is not quite such a stigma anymore and it should be. How at 17 is she going to have a baby and work and finish school she isn't this is all going to fall on you, DH and her BM. Stop being so damn nice - she will look at this as you are rewarding her for getting pregnant - quite frankly she sounds spoiled and will be in for a world of confusion when the baby gets all the attention and she does not - Good luck!!

PS - if anyone says anything about you not having a baby or child or being pregnant just say to them STFU!! Don't say the words just the letters! }:) }:)

Like!

You know I hate to make her

You know I hate to make her sound like a bitch because she has told me how much she appreciates me and is thankful that I am in her life since her BM made a lot of REALLY BAD decisions over the years and hasn't been able to always be around for her. BM is helping, but she doesn't have her own place and I have a home so if I am going to go through with having a shower for a teen, at least have it at my place where I have some say in it. I couldn't imagine her BM or DH's family doing it and then just having to attend it. Who knows what they would have done. They might have had a Queen thrown for her, like someone mentioned below. UGH.

I am really not trying to win her over. I have my place in the home. I am Mom 24/7 since BM does not take them and they live with us full time. I have been with her since SD17 was 10 years old. I already went through that crap. It's really not about winning her over, I just wanted it to be a nice experience. After all, it's about to get really ugly for her. Very soon.

As far as the second being a second class citizen, that's how it feels being a stepmother, I think. You keep doing and doing and doing, like there will be some big reward at the end. You'll get it back 10 fold when they come to you and give you a big hug and they tell you they love you and appreciate you. It seems to happen very rarely, but don't all teenagers have a sense of entitlement these days? Seems to be to me, but maybe it's just my spoiled SDs? Or the area we live in? I don't know.

goforit - OH HELL NO! I work

goforit - OH HELL NO! I work full time and have a home to take care of and you know?! All of the sudden I feel like taking sometime for ME! I am going to go buy that really cute designer purse I wanted and you know, I really need some new clothes!

I really wish I had a child to focus on right now, but I do have DH and I pay a lot of attention to him these days.

I just can't wait till the summer when SD is sitting home with a crying baby and we are headed off to the river with the boat and I get to say, have a nice weekend! See you Monday! Luv ya, bye!!!

What's funny is I did ask her

What's funny is I did ask her what she wanted to do for her 16th Birthday, months in advance! She would just say, Ummmmm I don't know? I said do you want a party? She said not really, round and round we went until her 16th birthday was only a week away. I planned it last minute. She's so indecisive! She never knows what she wants. Same for her 17th birthday and she decided on dinner and the place she wanted was booked, so we ended up at a diner. I had a great time, I don't know what her problem was? It's almost like she says crap just to say it without thinking about anyone's feelings.

After reading everyone's comments, I know I am overreacting. I have a tendency to do that
I hope she enjoys the day because, shit, she has a rude awakening coming!

I know I want her to have

I know I want her to have this, I probably couldn't live with myself if I didn't. Someone else would have done it and I would always regret not being involved or there.
I agree 100% with you! I was just talking to her BF mom the other day and we both agreed that we wanted to make this time a nice experience for them because they are in for a big surprise.

Oh, I totally know what you

Oh, I totally know what you mean. My niece got pregnant at 17 and baby is due in a couple of months and I had to sit through the torture of a baby shower. She's living with the dad and quit her job like the "second" she figured out she was pregnant. I know it's an innocent baby in there, but I really have a hard time "celebrating" this milestone given the circumstances surrounding it. You can bet I had NOTHING to do with the planning of the shower or the making of gifts or the choosing of games. They even had a chair labeled with my niece's name like it was a throne and I wanted to rip the label off of it and say, "Just because you managed to get knocked up does not make you a queen. People do it every day." OK, rant over.

Hahaha.... funny. When we

Hahaha.... funny. When we first found out a baby shower sounded like torture! I still feel like a baby shower to honor a teen mom that doesn't have anything to give that baby at this time in her life and something that she just let "happen" when she was taught better, taken for birth control and just really knows better... is something to be celebrated?

Ok, before everyone says, but its a celebration of new life and every new life should be celebrated no matter what the situation, I agree with that, yes, BUT a shower does celebrate the mother, no matter how you do it. There's just something about it, if your in the situation, when its in YOUR home that doesn't sit well and you kinda don't feel much like celebrating. I understand she needs more than a women who is established does.

If anything I think it should be a shower for me and DH, shit! It's in our home, we have to keep a roof over SD and her baby's head, we have to work and pay the mortgage, we had to set her room/nursery up and buy the crap. Why don't we get a shower? I think we should be celebrated for having to go through this nightmare! lol I'm joking... ranting really.

I have seen so many friends and family have kids young and they end up resenting their child or children because they didn't get to finish school or travel, party or get nice things. I have seen friends decide at 28 they don't want to be with their husbands anymore and divorce so they can have "ME" time and go live it up a little on the weekends.

My home and life is also about to be affected. Possibly my marriage. Who knows what kind of mother she will be, but I can't focus on the bad and I am being supportive and standing by her so hopefully she will be a good mom and want for her baby and work hard.

I always believed that it is a privilege to be a mom, not a right. You make sure you take all the steps to protect yourself from becoming pregnant, until you have accomplished certain things in life and are all capable of giving everything you have to your child. To be a parent you have to be SELFLESS and a 17 year old has no clue what that is. It sucks I did all that and waited and now she's bringing a baby home! Oh goody!!!

My neighbors husband will not let his wife and daughter come to the shower because he said they will not support her being pregnant at 17. He told us she is quote "dumb" and has no idea what it takes to raise a baby and it is not fair to the child. She should place the baby up for adoption to a loving family with a home and a career that can give this child everything it needs. He also had 2 kids very young.

Hahaha.... funny. When we

LOL! And a grandma before I

LOL! And a grandma before I am even a mom!

I think its really sweet of

I think its really sweet of you to go thru all this work to give SD a shower. Im sure she will appreciate it.
No matter what, done is done, she is going to have that baby. After all the gifts are away, she is in for a major reality check. Let her have day and wear her tiara. The next 18 years or so are going to be difficult for her.

If anyone makes a remark to you, just say that you and DH love to practice .

I have a lot of respect for

I have a lot of respect for you bebegirl22. I just turned 30 and have no children of my own, I am with a wonderful man who happens to have 2 adult daughters in their 20's which is not much younger than me. They refuse to even say my name let alone agree to meet me and that hurts a lot. I have been with their dad for a year and it doesn't seem as though this will ever get better and it's very difficult to get my mind around. Someone once told me that if we all put our problems in a pile and randomly selected one to deal with, we would all be scrambling to get our old problems back. I really believe that you are doing a great thing regardless of how/why it happened, it still did and you acknowledge that. I know she is young but I have seen young mothers rise to the occassion and while not every time do they become mother of the year, they do mature a lot more quickly because they HAVE to. No one is going to say anything negative to you about her beating you to motherhood...this is a slippery situation and I can't see anyone saying something that ignorant at a baby shower for a teenager.

If you do plan on having your own children with your husband I think you will be a fantastic mother. I wish my bf's daughters had a mother like you instead of an absentee parent which is what they have. You are more of a mother to her than her real mother and it cannot be easy to care for a teenage girl. It's sad when a girl doesn't have her mother for support and you are an angel for providing her with an experience she otherwise would not have. NO ONE should go through something that scary and challenging by themselves and being the compassionate person that you are, you understand that. It doesn't matter how she got there, the point is she did and you know that it's time to deal with it. I admire you, she is blessed to have you in her life. It takes a special person with a lot of love in their heart to stick through something like this and you are doing an unbelievable job.

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17 SD Baby Shower this Saturday