I am so happy to find this site and read posts from people who seem to have some of the same issues I do. I have felt guilty and like a bad person for years for feeling the way I do.

I have been married to DH for almost 6 years now. When we met, I had a 3 year old son, and he had 3 girls ages 2, 5, and 7. We both had 50/50 custody of our kids. Things started off pretty well. Everyone got along well for the most part. The 5 year old already showed some issues that were hard for me to deal with - she was selfish, rude to others, and downright mean sometimes. My DH attributes it to being the middle child.

So now here we are years later. The kids are all about to have birthdays in the next couple weeks to months. They will be SD9, BS10, SD12 and SD14. Things have just gotten harder and harder over the years. About 4 years ago, I was diagnosed with progressive MS and have been in a wheelchair for about 10 months now. We still have the girls 50/50 (half the week and every other weekend). My son now lives with us full time, but goes to his dad's every other weekend.

As time has gone on, I have been feeling more and more guilty about the fact that I don't really like my stepkids. The oldest one is fine, but I don't like the youngest one (she acts like a whiny baby and has her dad wrapped around her little finger. She can do no wrong. Ugh.) And I hate (such a strong word, but that's how I feel) the 12 year old. She is the type of person whom I would never choose to be around, and others have said the same thing about her personality. She is still selfish, rude and mean. Some of the hateful things she says to her siblings make me so angry I can barely stand it. Everything I cook for dinner is disgusting (although she has gotten better about that but it still is annoying). This morning she made a huge mess on the floor with her cereal, and when asked to get the broom to clean it up, pitched a huge fit about "I don't want to!" Things are especially hard now that I am in the wheelchair and need more help around the house. She acts like anything she has to do is a huge burden and so unfair. Even when she is acting fine, I have a hard time even talking to her or being around her.

It's not that they act any different because I am a stepmom. SD12 and SD9 act the same way at their mother's house, so it's basically just their personalities and how they are being raised. But I find myself stressed out and moody when they are here. I love DH so much and we have a great relationship when the kids aren't around. But when they are, I just want to get out of the house and never come back. I've tried talking to DH about SD12, because I think she probably has mental issues that could be worked out. Major depression and bipolar run in both my DH's family and also the girls' BM's family. I think she might be bipolar, or at the very least depressed, and that may be causing a lot of her behavior issues. But DH shuts down and refuses to talk about it. I even tried talking to the BM but she won't agree to counseling either because SD12 went to a counselor at one point at age 6 and didn't like it at all. She went for about 3 months total, saw one counselor, and didn't like it so it was stopped. But I don't care whether she liked it or not, she needs it and my sanity needs it! But there's nothing more I can do except live with it.

DH is pretty good about discipline but not much seems to help. He says if he was always trying to change her attitude he would be yelling at her 24/7. Which is true, but dealing with one thing now, then letting her get away with something else later isn't going to do anything! He wants me to get in there and discipline too when I notice things that bother me, but I don't feel very comfortable with that. Luckily she has never been outright rude to me, otherwise I would have definitely called her out! I do not take lip and attitude! But she'll be that way to her father sometimes, and just downright mean to her siblings.

I'm sorry this is so long. For those of you who made it all the way through, thank you! I guess this is more of a vent than anything else. Like I said, I have been feeling like a bad person and mom for feeling the way I do about the kids. It was just so nice to read posts from others that make me feel like I'm not alone!

Counting down the days until their high school graduations...