Advice Please.....
I am 28 years old. My husband who is 30 has a 15 year old daughter who is recently became pregnant. I am really struggling with this issue. Her birthmom wants her to live with her and is willing to move closer to us. She wants her to so that she can make sure "She isn't given the easy way out." by baby's dad's parents.She feels strongly about this because she was pregnant 3 times while a teen. Two days before she found out she was pregnant she begged her mom to come get her because the boyfriend had broken up with her and was spreading rumors about her all over school.Saying she was a stalker. So she was going there anyway when her mom got done moving, but now her and the boy are back together after she told him bout the baby so she will not want to leave.SD is very dependent on me at home and doesn't do a whole lot for herself and nothing for me around the house.I have a two year old and I am also pregnant and due 3 months before SD.I work full time as well. Her dad has long hours and is not home many nights so therefore all the work of SD and her baby will fall on me if she lives here with us. I am overwhelmed at the idea of this (Because of my own little ones),but I am willing to deal with it.Dad is agreeing with BM, but I feel it's because he senses my hesitation. If her dad would be more help I would be much more positive about the situation, but he doesn't even help me with our 2 year old and doesn't believe men help with cooking or cleaning. I don't want him to resent me or blame me if his daughter is angry at him. I don't want to resent him if I'm overwhelmed and stressed.It's a very hard situation and I'm feeling very guilty for my feelings. I know she needs help and I wouldn't let her go without that, the question is just who should give it to her? Is dad going to hate me for not being more willing if she goes? Should I convince him to have her stay because he's gonna be hurt if she's upset about moving? Any advice would be appreciated.
This is a terrible, horrible
This is a terrible, horrible situation. What is with these teens? honestly? These girls (and boys) should be smarter than this now. Birth Control is cheaper than raising babies...and she will now be a baby raising a baby.
Doll, take care of your own children. Put them first...Put yourself first. Worry about you...this does NOT make you selfish. Not in the least.
Thanks I needed to hear that.
Thanks I needed to hear that. I have had his two daughters off and on for 8 years (the pregnant one most of the 8 years)and he also pays child support on two boys, so yes I feel like I've given alot already.
P.S. Dad set her and
P.S.
Dad set her and boyfriend down and talked to them about sex and gave them condoms, but never did the birthcontrol like I told him he should. I think parents are very naive sometimes, he believed her when she said she didn't need it.Obviously, She did.
I would take the BM up on her
I would take the BM up on her offer to take in SD and her baby, and NOT worry about what DH thinks about it.
It is his child, he should have been more active already, but since it is too late now, let SD's mom help her - not you, the stepmom!! That is great of BM to offer, do not turn her down!!
If he disagrees or blames you, tell him you want your children to have TWO parents who are fully engaged with them and you can't do that with someone else's infant in the house or most importantly, without HIS active participation!
If he claims to not understand that, throw a huge fit until he does!!
Oh Sweetie, I would so be all
Oh Sweetie, I would so be all over the Bio mum's offer. Do you need this stress? I think not and they are not too many bios that are willing to step up to the plate. You are only 28 and if SD is still living in your home when the wee one is born, you know who will be getting up in the middle of the night. Hugs.
Send sd to live w bm asap.
Send sd to live w bm asap. Don't wait for her to move closer, they might change their minds. And it's not your job to make sure dh and sd have a relationship. You'll all be happier! Pack her up now!!
You are all so helpful thank
You are all so helpful thank u!! I know her living here will end my marriage and I think it's unfair of my husband to put SD's feelings first. I think if he let's her stay here he will be finding a place for the 2 of them elsewhere. The fights between SD and her dad have almost had me packing in the past so I know it will only be more chaotic with all the issues such as her getting a job and going to school (which has always been an issue with her). Sounds drastic I know but my husband is wanting her here to save face and I will have to sacrifice my happiness for it. I would rather have my kids alone and live in peace.
Honey, I know exactly what
Honey, I know exactly what you are going through. I am 29 years old and have no children of my own and my SD17 is 7 months pregnant and is keeping her baby. She lives with us full time and her bio mom lives with her 4 year old son from her BF in her mothers home, so needless to say, there isn't going to be much relief there. Bio mom can barely support herself and son, let alone her 2 daughters that live with DH and I.
At least you have already been able to become a mother with your husband and experience that before this happened so... count your blessings there and Number 2 you are lucky that the bio mom wants to take her in, that is awesome. You should take her up on that offer! It is going to be so hard for you to handle all of this with working full time and 2 little ones. If your husband is willing to do this, you need to tell him that you will need much more help around the house because you know she is going to need a lot of help. 15 years old is so young to be a mother and she has so much more school left and if you were having a problem with this before now it most likely will only get worse with a baby.
What is so crazy to me after reading about other step mom's experiences is how these men do not appreciate all we do for them. They have no clue what it is like to raise another persons children! He should be praising you for wanting to help is obviously lost daughter who is pregnant at 15. There is not a lot of other women out there like us who are willing to do that. My friends tell me I am out of my mind and they have no idea how I am doing this.
Stand your ground with your husband. Tell him what your limits are if you do decide to have her and the baby live with you and what you expect from your SD and your husband and stick to it.
I keep going back and fourth
I keep going back and fourth on whether I can do it or not. If she stays dad is def gonna be taking it on while I take care of my pregnancy and child. He's already annoyed at taking time off work for first doctor visit. I know I let him off the hook alot b/c I grew up seeing mom do most house stuff, but my resentment is growing esp for a kid capable of doing so much more but thinks she doesn't have to..how will that get better and not worse??
Bebe girl u shouldn't wait
Bebe girl u shouldn't wait anymore for kids, u will only regret it. My daughter best thing that ever happened to me. Life is short please think of yourself cuz no one else will. Thanks for advice too!