Time to go! Who would feel the same?
So I've posted before about my situation, but I will do a summary for those who don't know. I am 28 with a bd2 and pregnant with 2nd. My SD15 has came up pregnant and since then my world has been upside down! I was planning on taking time off to stay home with my little ones because daycare equals what I make. We knew it was gonna be hard but now it's gonna be impossible. Now Dh wants me to work a 2nd shift job and I'm sure SD thinks I'm gna babysit while she's in school. Husband told me she was going to live with her mom, but then doesn't follow through. All bc BM lives far away from SD boyfriend, who isn't gonna stick around anyway. The more I think about it, the more I want out of this situation! Dh won't do anything for his daughter, was suppose to take her to doctor on his day off but decides he doesn't feel like it. Dh pays child support on 2 boys outside our home, he knows we can't financially raise his daughters child. He thinks I will do everything since I raised his girls with little help from him, but now I'm refusing. I have my own. I don't wanna raise babies with this 15 yr old. I dont want my kids sharing a home with their nephew/niece who's close in age ( also 6 people in a house with 1 bathroom). I'm just thinking peace is elsewhere, am I crazy?
Oh I know that. It's not
Oh I know that. It's not about getting to stay home it's about raising my SD's child while my kid being she is 15 and can't even take care of herself. As a single mom I can get daycare assistance.
I don't wanna send her to a
I don't wanna send her to a home but I do feel everyone needs to quit worrying about what she wants versus what would be best for her. Like I said her dad doesnt wanna deal with it so he should send her to her mother, which is what will happen anyway when we split, but Dh thinks I'm going to come around and handle it for him but I can't and honestly I just don't want to, she's had this example set for her by BM and Dh I'm not gonna take on the burden of it. Judge me if u wish, but I see a miserable future in it for everyone.
I'm with you. I think sd
I'm with you. I think sd needs to be with her BM. I remember you posting this before. I'm assuming you've talked to dh and nothing has changed. And I couldn't believe it... dh was supposed to take his daughter to the doctor but "he didn't feel like it?" :jawdrop: :jawdrop: Are you freakin' kidding me right now? Is he going to FEEL LIKE IT when she goes into unexpected labor??? OMG.
If this is seriously how he's going to act, then you may very well be better off without him. How often does he "not feel like" being a husband or father? I'm sorry but that sounds like something my sd20 and ss22 would say.
Ultimately, no one can tell you what to do in this situation. It is a decision you need to make for yourself and your children. Are the 3 of you going to be better off? That needs to be the question you are contemplating right now. You have a lot to consider since you are pregnant and will be out of work for several weeks following the birth. But if leaving is what you want to do, start planning ahead now so you are as prepared as you can be.
I think DH is in denial, he's
I think DH is in denial, he's not ready to be a grandpa at 30. Well that's why he needs to send her to BM. I honestly don't know nor care how I will do it but I am so stressed that I cannot stay anymore. SD isn't gonna get what support she needs from her dad and I'm sick of people looking at me to be mommy. I'm not and I want to scream it at everyone. I was just reading another blog about how much other SM's gave up with thier own kids for sk's and thought that will be me with that regret. I won't be able to enjoy my kids being little with SD and newborn in house. I am resentful of SD, feels like she's set on ruining my life and enjoying every minute of it! U know what she asked for for Christmas today? A build-a-bear! For herself! Yeah sounds like mom material to me! Its just more than I signed up for.
Yeah, I was one of the ones
Yeah, I was one of the ones that commented on that post about how much I've lost with my own kids because I tried to do everything as fair and equally as possible for my sk's and I never wanted to hurt their feelings or make them feel left out. Now I get slapped in the face with their disrespect and telling me all I did to "mother" them was took them to the doc and got them in trouble. I guess that is how they would see it... selfish brats didn't get their way with ME like they did with everyone else. SD20 I know is jealous of my relationship with my kids... not that she's come out and told me but because she tells me that my kids don't respect me and said that my kids say worse things about me to her than she's ever said. It's like she has this sick need to try and destroy my relationship with my own kids because she didn't have the same relationship with her own mother. Sucks for her, but my kids are now the ONLY kids I have and they are my number 1 priority.
30 is awful damn young to be a grandpa, but he made his bed years ago and now has to deal with the consequences which means being a father and making sure that his daughter is taken care of and is taking care of herself and her baby. NO ONE should be looking to YOU to be this girl's mother. Not like you would with your own kids. You didn't give birth to her nor is it your responsibility. Unfortunately society thinks that if you marry a man with a child, you take on his children as your own and unfortunately that usually doesn't happen... not because we don't want to do it, but because we aren't allowed to have the authority that we would have with our own children. No one gets that. So don't worry about what other people have to say... only YOU know the situation.
Is SD considering adoption?
Is SD considering adoption?
No SD has names picked out,
No SD has names picked out, she's keeping it. Her BF's mom wanted to adopt, but SD turned it down. BF lives a few blocks away SD could see baby whenever she wished.
Hmm. Sounds like SD is
Hmm. Sounds like SD is running the show. I would indeed lay the law down with your DH. Do you have a place to go for a while?
If you don't make him see that you are serious it's going to turn out exactly like you think. SD is going to mooch off you and you are going to bear the burden. That is NOT RIGHT. It wouldn't be right if you were her mother! Why is her dad letting her make these decisions?
My Dh is all about what
My Dh is all about what people think. He wants to have everyone praise him for being a superdad, but it's always been me to take care of his kids. I guess I've done too much in the past. Until her getting pregnant SD wasn't a problem. She's spoiled and expects the best of everything but I thought when she turned 16 and got a job that would be easier. We bought her a car, but without being able to pay her insurance or even for her own gas I don't think she'll be getting it. Anyway I didn't hate being a SM, I sometimes got annoyed because SD got away with more than I would let my daughter get away with, but that's typical of blended families I guess.I just see this as a total disappointment to our lives. She will be living with us for who knows how long and probably not graduating high school. She will always be home with baby or else we keep baby while she runs around, neither sounds great to me.