It would depend on if you want to take care of her adult bios - maybe to keep the peace do a will with her and then a week later do another will taking care of your children - her kids are adults let them worry about themselves - quite frankly she will be dead and won't know that none of the money is going to them and you avoid a fight. I did this with my life insurance policies - don't have much assests right now so don't care about the wills - I have not told hubby that I changed the life insurance policies that are in my name to my DD only and took out my SS. Tough shit - he has a mother and if my DH dies and they are still children he will get a lot in Social Security - I feel once you are an adult you are on your own - so do one with her and then a later one she knows nothing about - even if you have to use a different lawyer - I may get flamed for this but it is protecting your assets for your children and making DW happy - see everyone wins.

There are no assets really unless you have more than one house or lots of money - if she wants to leave money for her adult children get a life insurance policy - but I would also do like I said have 2 wills - she will never know once she is dead and you need your assets and your home if you are still alive and you need to take care of the children that you had together - let the adults take care of themselves or if you wife brought assets in to the marriage which I suspect she did not bring that much into it and I may be just guessing then why should you hard earned money go to her kids - it shouldn't and what does she want you to sell the house and give them part of it and put you and the kids you have together out in the street - just have 2 wills that way she will be happy and you will know the real deal!

Pianissimo - she will not come back and haunt you - you need to protect what is yours - if she were to die say within the next year and I am not sure how old your children with her are - how are you going to care for them and you - let the wills say if you die she gets it - if she dies you get it - you could live 45 - 55 years after her if she dies in the next year do you want to be penniless - all the adult kids in this family need to fend for themselves unless she was quite flush when you married her then that should have be set up before the wedding. So do 2 wills or one that says all to you or all to her and let it end

Give us more info - is it lots of money - property, who had the most before the marriage how many kids how old are all the kids it is kinda hard what to tell you to do if we have no real info - the biggest thing is making sure that you are provided for and she is provided for so that whoever is left alive can take care of the children you have together!

something to think about in a will is a clause for what happens if spouses dies w/in xxx amount of time of eachohter..while I want my spouse to have my assets if I die first- I don't want his kids to have my assets by default if he were to pass very soon after I do and so on...in that case i would want my family to have it (extended family). This can/has happened in the event of auto accident etc....

Whatever she had before the wedding can go to the kids plain and simple - after it is for you if she dies and your child - make sure you have a provision that your child has enough to reach adulthood!

I am new to this forum too! But my husband and I have this argument fairly often. All of our assets are listed in a trust which at this moment is left to our daughter and his 13 year old son. The problem I see in this being he is 16 years older than I, it is far more likely that he may die first. He did have more assets coming into the marriage than I but what happens to everything I have helped to work for since I did come into the marriage. The house we own and live in is in his name only but we found it and chose to buy it as a couple. I am the trustee on the trust but that is only to help support the two children not myself. So if god forbid something happened to him I would be in trouble with supporting my family as I am a work from home mom, I run our family business although the business is in my name I am no plumber and cannot actually turn wrenches I would be out of an income and out of a house to live in. My own children are young and have many more years of support needed so how is that fair? I believe that as a married couple everything should be left to me if he dies and everything left to him if I die then when the rest left to all the kids when the other person dies. My dad died at a young age of 46 we got nothing his wife was left everything which I believe is the correct way. Just because it was not my mom that was married to him at the time didn't make her less entitled to whatever they acquired and worked for during their marriage.

My husband will not change the trust until I change my last name. I still use my maiden name for my kid's sake. It has nothing to do with my marriage or lack of commitment to my husband. I think it is unfair to share a last name with one child and not all my children so in order for my boys to not feel like I have some unsaid tie to my daughter and not to them because they have a last name I choose to not have the same last name as any of my children. So until my husband can understand it isn't about him or his name but for my kids I will continue to have the worry of losing everything if something happens to him. I also understand that he is probably concerned about his son being a child but the truth is his mother has never done anything to financially help his son and I know if it weren't for us and all we do she would be out on the street so if something were to happen to my husband I would always be sure to take care of his son as long as it is necessary. Good luck this can be a touchy subject for a lot of couples!!

My dad is an attorney who specializes in estate planning (wills!) . You can leave anything any way you want it and it can be as simple or as complicated as you want it to be. You can have things one way if you die first and another if she dies first, etc.... It is worth the money to see an attorney who can have things exactly how you want it. Try to find one that specializes in estate planning. Your attorney should be able to reference someone. Good luck! It's a touchy subject!