BM told SS she cries every time he is not with her.
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My SS is 7 years old and recently told us he can't go on our family vacation with us because he can't leave his mommy for that long because she cries with out him there. I jokingly said this past weekend that mommy was probably happy to have some down time from her kids. One is my ss one is not. He again repeated that his mom wanted him home because she is sooooo sad and cries without him home. He then sulks the first day he is with us and it takes a while to get him out of his shell. He is finally out and it is time to go back home. Anyone have any suggestions on how we can reassure ss that mom is okay and that when he is not with us we are sad too but not crying. I don't want DH to have to stoop to that.
This is a tough one because
This is a tough one because she has the kid 12 out of 14 days and is quite willing to yank his heart strings. She's not tugging she's yanking.
This is a form of alienation which is when a divorced parent tries to manipulate a child into distrust, hate or otherwise come to be repelled by the other parent. It's illegal in some states but always hard (but not impossible) to prove.
Hopefully you'll get better ideas for others here but my first thought is for your husband to ask to speak to mom personally. He'll then tell her what she is doing to HER child. Emphasize its her kid she's is making unhappy. He can ask if for the kids sake can't she share these feelings with someone else - Grandma or best friend.
If she's untilling or unable then I'd consider a trip to an attorney who for a few bucks will write a letter letting her know she's overstepping the bounds and if it continues legal action, including full custody may be the end result.
Again I hope you get better answers here as this is cruel.
Thanks for the words of
Thanks for the words of encouragement. It is hard. PAS is not recognized in NY State. I really just feel bad for SS because he genuinely looks sad when he leaves her and worried. He is 7 and I don't think he should have to worry so much. I will have DH contact lawyer and see what we can do. BM is NOT easy to talk to and does not take suggestions or comments well.
Whoa. She is guilt tripping
Whoa. She is guilt tripping the 7 year old? That's messed up. Document it. Take him to a counselor. Thats just the beginning, I can tell you that right now.
Just tell him that even
Just tell him that even though mommy misses him like crazy when he is away, mommy gets to use that time to rest and do grown up things. And remind him of how happy she will be when he goes back.
I would encourage him to call before he goes to bed to tell her good-night and that he loves her.
It's hard.
our BM does this too. SD6
our BM does this too. SD6 will call her mom and ask to stay an extra night and BM will tell her how sad shes going to be and how bad she misses her and SOMEHOW by the end of the conversation SD has changed her mind and is ready to go. its so frustrating the way the bitch uses her child and just totally disregards the affect her actions are having on this poor kid. grrr!
BM in our situation does this
BM in our situation does this same thing.
It's so bad that now the court order states that she can't discuss her emotions during phone access with them. Unfortunately, we can't do anything about what she says to them the rest of the time.
We try to tell them that mommy's emotional problems are not their responsibility. It's really hard though.
It's child abuse in my opinion.