I met SD this weekend!
Wow what a strange weekend! I met the SD Friday night. We went to pick her up from the BM's house...not so good. She was nice to me but in a fake kind of way. The daughter throw a horrible and somewhat exagerated fit for an hour. Not because of me...she just didn't want to leave the BM. We finally got her in the truck with her dad in the back and I drove. She yelled and screamed the whole way home. It was awful and sad. I cried most of the time. I finally got her to open to me and she told me that I had taken her place. I reassured her that I hadn't and her father missed her. That statement broke my heart but I also felt that it had been placed in her thoughts because of the adult phrase she used. But I do believe her feelings are genuine.
So anyway I didn't hang out with her Friday so Saturday we went and played golf and laser tag. It was a totally different child. She talked to me the whole time and made jokes. We actually had a good time. But by the end of the laser tag, her attitude changed. She was ready to go. But I didn't push her and said my goodbyes. She ended up having a great weekend with her dad. So now I'm holding my breath and waiting for the bottom to fall out! But thank you to everyone who has responded before! You have really helped me!
That's so great
that your visit/meeting went so well. I gotta say that you are lucky it was just the sd crying, with me there would be 20mins of bm throwing a fit too! Glad they both got over that one and your sd should evantually too. I must say that you should keep breathing and enjoy the fact everyone had a good weekend, there is time to hold your breath later when the bottom does fall out. Fingers crossed it will go smoother everytime!
Well although I'm thinking
Well although I'm thinking positive today...it wasn't just crying. It was a physical fit with the BF and BM holding her and trying to calm her down. She was fighting, kicking, hitting, trying to bite, etc. Horrible. If I would've ever thrown a fit like that, my butt would have gotten in serious trouble with my mom. And I went through a situation that was a lot worse with my parents. Sadly I have a SM that I cannot stand but she is really evil. She throws our pics and cards away. But that being sad I am hopeful that the next time will be different! Thanks for everyone's support again!
we went through the same
when my ss was younger it was a bit of a battle to do the pick up at her house, then we noticed when picked up directly from the daycare there was never an issue. Evantually my dh requested meeting take place half way and in a public venue...no fit. It was simple she would get herself and the poor kid so worked up about the weekend away from eachother he wouldn't know what to do. We actually came to a point that if a fit started my husband would sit ss comfortably on the couch, explain to him that hissy fits would not get him anywhere, but when he wanted to calm down, and relax we would get on with our weekend. This also included a word to the x in regards to not coming in with him to cuddle till he felt better. I would say if sd is kicking, biting etc. a good sit on the naughty mat or just tell her and bm that you will be in the car when she is ready to go. I am sorry your bf doesn't see that 8year is maybe a little old for this behaviour.
We have tried picking her up
We have tried picking her up from other places. He even picked her up from the BM's workplace and she did the same thing. Having said that, the BM works at some country diner with people who have only known her for a short time and think the BF is in the wrong. They don't her true side yet. But my BF has tried disciplining her and she cried abuse. The SD tried to open the car door one time going 55 mph. So BF grabbed her leg to prevent her from falling out. And she said that was abuse. Even after she told the true story to her BM, the BM got onto my BF. It is ridiculous with these people! Now my BF can't really discipline her. The BM doesn't respect him so the SD doesnt either.
wow
And this girl is an eight year old? It sounds like she is picking up some bad habits somewhere, and they can't be good. Is bm the type to deny the visitation? or does she throw out threats? I would say if sd can be fine on Saturday, and problems like this occur during the pick ups, she is doing some manipulating of her own. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but these kids learn from the experts right. I would talk to your bf about seriously considering this childs future, if there is no discipline for this girl it won't be just the bm who has no respect for him it will be his daughter. Personally I would wait in the car, but let the sd know 30mins or less-come to the car in a good calm manner or don't bother.
Discipline can be carried out in many forms...
When we think of the word discipline, what do we think of? Physical punishment? You CAN discipline a child without physical ramifications. What you need to do is tap into her, listen to her, watch her, and learn what her likes and dislikes are, and stick to your guns. So, if a child loves that tv, or video games... guess what... take it away... take all electron devices away and only grant back a portion of it until they prove they can behavior nicely.
In this case, I think you have to think outside of the box, since BM is probably parenting out of guilt. It isn't easy, by no means, but you can do it. It may also take some creative thinking on your parts too. But, make rules and consequences and stick to them. I think one issue here is boundaries. She doesn't know any boundaries and therefore the temper tantrum is how she gets her way with her mother, because she pushes her mother's boundaries. If you sit firm and be very clear about what you expect, and stay firm with your consequences, she'll learn.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...