Help with a teen...SD15
Hey All! My first time on a site like this, but I really needed to find a place to vent....My SD is 15 I have been in her life since she was 5. Everything always seems fine between us. She usually seems like a happy go lucky kid. The BM advised DH that SD HATES me...she can't stand me, and doesn't want anything to do with me. After hearing this I asked my son if he has heard anything. He said yes she has told him the same that she doesn't like me, and what not...I'm so frustrated because she doesn't at all give me that idea. She asked me on Friday if we could go shopping. She still talks to me about her friends, and boyfriends. She gives me no idea that this is how she feels...I feel like I should just ask her how she feels, and get it out in the open, but then again I don't know if this would be appropriate or not...
Please HElp!
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I would agree with this post,
I would agree with this post, that after 10 years, and her knowing you as far back as she can remember, you should be safe. I would just like to add that she may be struggling with loyalty to BM. I don't know what BM is like, but if her mom is manipulative, may place guilt on your SD, SD senses that BMs feelings might be hurt if she knew how much SD cares about you (any or all of these things)- - for her to share her life with you (friends, boyfriends, etc.) - your SD will be struggling to be loyal to BM...and yes, she might feel like she is SUPPOSED to hate you, as another poster mentioned.
This has nothing to do with you as far as I can see. If SD is struggling with this issue, all you can do is be open with her and be yourself. It sounds, from the little you posted, like you and SD have had a go so far, that is so amazing, be proud of that!!! Deep breath, be open, sounds like youre a good SM.
If she does not give you any
If she does not give you any sense that she has that kind of amniosity towards you then I would guess that she has told her mother that she hates you to make her mother happy, perhaps after being annoyed about something hat you did not realise was a big issue, and similarly may have told your son that she didn't like you because she had been thwarted in something. I imagine BM took some satisfaction in informing DH that SD hated you. If she seems pleasant and easy going she is either an incredibly good actress, or her declarations of hating/disliking are a storm in a teacup and rather exaggerated. Teens are apt to decide they don't like someone based on a temporary huff. My SDthen15 would moan about her stepdad but they actually got on well most of the time. When she was annoyed about something at her mothers house it was much easier for her to blame him.
Whether you tackle her about it depends on your relationship with her and but I would be tempted to ignore it for now. Asking her if she doesn't like you would probably be dignifying some childish teen huff, which may even be in the past. And worrying too much about whether your stepchildren like you is a sure root to angst and misery. If all is pleasant and seems OK then carry on as you were. But I would be a little wary about putting myself out for her. If she begin to exhibit rude or difficult behaviour towards you that's the time to have a conversation about it.