Am I reading too much into this???
Last Monday, I came downstairs to gather my stuff to leave for work and my DH says that ex texted him that she couldn't register SS8 for soccer because she didn't know where she would be living and she wanted to know if we had rented my old house (which we do use as rental since you can't sell in this market). I asked why she would be asking that and he said that she told him that her and her husband might be separating.
First, let me say that she is dellusional if she thinks I would let her anywhere near my property plus my DH said that she was probably hoping to move in and would then claim that she couldn't pay rent and we wouldn't throw SS8 out, would we?
But I digress... It wasn't until later that day that DH and I spoke on the phone... I work long/late hours so by the time we spoke, he said that he had already had a discussion with her about what is going on... Hoping that he was doing it out of curiosity and for concern for his son and not because he has any concern for her.
However, I happened to be in possession of his phone this morning and I checked his text messages back to Monday morning... There was the conversation pretty much like he said except his response to them separating was quote..."What? Why? That's crazy! I'll call you after my wife leaves."
Now, why couldn't he have that conversation with her with me in the house? She did text and ask him to not say anything to anybody, which I guess includes me, so maybe he was playing like he wasn't going to tell me, but she's nuts to think that he wouldn't.
I sometimes feel like he does have "secret" conversations with her when I'm not around and he is soooooooooooooooo sweet to her. He says he does it so that she won't sue him for more child support because truth be told, we are not paying her what the law says DH is supposed to be paying. Anyway, am I reading too much into the whole "I'll call you after my wife leaves" thing? Was that just for show for her? Or something else entirely?
^ This.
^ This.
I 2nd HappySearch!
I 2nd HappySearch!
The problem is that I can't
The problem is that I can't confront him about it because then I would have to admit that I was checking up on him by reading his text messages... My ex-husband and guys since didn't give me much but they did give me the gift of suspicion!
Oh yes you can confront him
Oh yes you can confront him about the message. I check my husband's phone all the time and when I see BM called and there was a 45 minute conversation (SS is 16 and if he needs something from Dad he asks) so I went to him and asked what it is about - I did not even think if he would get mad - tough shit - Come to find out she wants $15,000 dollars for extras she will never be getting.
DH has only asked me once why I checked his phone and after I explained that we are a couple and I can ask anything of him and I am part of this craziness and I need to know EVERYTHING going on so I can protect myself and if he does not like it he can leave. I value our marriage and I work at this marriage and our relationship and he knows this and knows I love him and will not cheat like BM did and that I respect him more than she ever did. In marriage it is about trade offs - I deal with the crazy BS from BM and he deals with me snooping - believe me my trade off is much easier for him to deal with then mine having to deal with BM.
Also I have no baggage and no secrets - I am quite the boring open book and I think DH finds peace in that!
Actually, I had a talk with
Actually, I had a talk with him the morning that he told me that she had texted him about it. I told him that I did NOT want him to be her shoulder and her therapist and that her problems better not become ours.
He told me later that he told her exactly all that in their conversation but one of two things is happening here.... either he is not being truthful to me about that OR she just doesn't give a s*** and is going to call anyway.
EXAMPLE: I came home one day from work several weeks ago and he said that she had called him and said, "hey," but then didn't say anything else. He said he asked her if there was anything else she needed because they had already talked about arrangements for son earlier that day. He told me that she said "no" that she just wanted to talk to him... shoot the s*** is how he put it, I think...
I asked him what he told her and he said that there was no need for them to talk because they were just co-parents... nothing more. He may very well be telling me the truth because I've had other family members of my DH tell me that she comes around to a lot of them still acting like she's one of the family.
He just lied about it... Was
He just lied about it...
Was just talking to him on the phone and told him that I didn't want him being her friend or confidant and that they seem to talk a lot when I'm not around. Then I slipped in Monday... asking him if he told her that he would call her after I left and he said "F*** no!" Sounds awfully defensive, don't you think?
Of course, what did I expect??? The truth???
RED FLAG
RED FLAG :O
woah. woah. WOAH!
woah. woah. WOAH!
I really like your signature
I really like your signature line... I think the same thing. I love my husband as well despite his kids. I have told him that I tolerate them at best.
I really like your signature
I really like your signature line... I think the same thing. I love my husband as well despite his kids. I have told him that I tolerate them at best.
Yep Sh!t would hit the fan in
Yep Sh!t would hit the fan in house and reading each others texts and stuff is NO big deal here we do it all the time. Not that we are checking up on each other just that there are NO secrets! I would be wondering what in the world was going on! You need to have a long talk with your man!
"I'll call you after my wife
:jawdrop: "I'll call you after my wife leaves"
++++++++++++++++++++
IMHO, something is very wrong with all of this. And now he is lying to you. run, run,run
IMO Don't lie. Tell him you
IMO Don't lie. Tell him you checked the texts, and what you saw, and that you have concerns.
You did "violate privacy" but again, he's hiding stuff too.
You guys need to talk about this.
Alison... Privacy? Are you
Alison...
Privacy? Are you kidding? Since when was MY HUSBAND allowed to have PRIVACY with another woman??? I would give him my cell phone and all my emails in a heartbeat because I don't have anything to hide. On the contrary, he's always hidden stuff about her and the only way I can know the truth is by looking at his phone... God knows I won't get the truth by asking or talking...
Old Dart... Snoop, huh?
Old Dart...
Snoop, huh? Somehow I just don't think that that is quite the right word for this. There should be NO SECRETS between husbands and wives. It should not be a big deal for either to look at the other persons texts/emails... Read HappySearch's response to my question.
I would have ZERO issues with my husband checking my phone at any time. The only people that don't like "snoops" are the ones who generally are hiding something themselves.
There are no secrets in our
There are no secrets in our household either. I can pick up my DH's phone @ any time and look thru messages. He is aware of my past and insecurities and will reassure me that I am #1 in his life. I have never found a message like this but I would definately confront him about it. If your DH gets angry then that's HIS problem. You have the RIGHT to know since YOU are his wife! Is there any possible way that they were planning some kind of surprise for you? BM can over step her boundaries in our life sometimes wanting to be more involved but we just don't let that happen. It's not healthy! We all remain civil to one another and I keep an eye on her attempts to control or boss my DH around. He keeps her in check b/c he knows that I will confront her and it will not be pretty!
"I'll call you after my wife
"I'll call you after my wife leaves" could be read in two different ways.
(1) I don't want my wife to hear what we are talking about. OR:
(2) I'm spending time with my wife before she leaves from work. You'll have to wait.
However, if he is lying about it, that's a huge red flag!