Help with dealing with 2 bratty step-sons
My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years now and have 3 children of our own (ages 3, 1, and one more due in November). He also has full custody of his two sons, ages 15 and 12. The 15yo is your typical spoiled teenager. Argues constantly, always talking back, pouts when he doesn't get what he wants exactly when he wants it, and don't even get me started on when I try to correct him. I get the rage-filled "you're not my mother" speech. I just don't even bother anymore. My real problem is his 12yo. He is very manipulative when it comes to his father, and he knows he can get away with just about anything when it comes to him as long as he plays the role of "innocent, ignorant child". He won't do the simplest of tasks, whether it's showering or even making himself a snack in the microwave. But those annoyances are trivial compared to my real problem I have with him. He picks on my 3yo and 1yo whenever he gets the chance, it's got to the point where I never let them out of my sight. I've caught him hitting them, pushing them down, dragging them out of his way, baiting them into yelling or screaming so THEY get fussed at, taking their toys and breaking them, just a lot of things that REALLY bother me. I really get scared that he's going to seriously hurt them one day. My husband says I'm over-reacting and I just have it out for his son. That is NOT the case though. He hardly ever corrects him for anything, and when I actually do say something to him, I end up blowing up on him because I've held so much in for such a long time. He is the source of most of the conflict between my husband and I, because he just won't do anything at all to him. How can I get it across to my husband just turning a blind eye to all this isn't going to make any problems go away?
As for the 15yo, most of his
As for the 15yo, most of his anger is actually geared toward his father. He blames him for being taken away from their mother. (Long story, let's just say they are actually much better off being with their father.) They argue back and forth, everyday.
The 12yo, my husband has caught him a few times doing things to the babies. And all he does is raise his voice, tell him to stop it, and that's the end of it. He pouts for a few minutes with his head down and then it's like nothing happened.
I am not the only one who sees this though! His family sees is as well, but won't confront him about it. His sister and mother can see how manipulative he is, and they shudder to think how he will act once he hits those awkward teenage years.
Set up a camera. They are
Set up a camera. They are cheap and easy to do now. You buy them already in a stuffed animal so no one notices. Then let your DH see it. I have come to realize the less I say things that he has to defend about his children the more he actually sees it. You are lucky they are both his kids because I think if he sees it for himself his protective instinct will take over.
I agree...get a nanny cam.
I agree...get a nanny cam. You might want to suggest this to your husband first though so you don't look so sneaky. If he honestly doesn't think his son is mean then he shouldn't have a problem with it. I'm so sorry...good luck,
I've thought about that, and
I've thought about that, and it does seem like a good idea, it just makes me nervous that I'd actually have to let him do something to them to prove to my husband that it isn't all in my head.
Yeah but if you don't find a
Yeah but if you don't find a way to prove it or convince your husband its occuring it might never stop. If it gets to the point where its dangerous for the younger ones you may even have to leave
Might as well nip it in the bud before it gets worse.
With all the attention that
With all the attention that the 15 year old gets by arguing with dad every day...maybe he is acting out to try and get some of that attention. (on the idea that when a kid feels they don't get enough attention, they will act out and get whatever attention they can!)
My SD has always been so demanding and difficult that her younger brother has always had to be self sufficient. Now, my SS is acting out more and more. Talking back, getting bad grades, breaking things. My feeling is that he is tired of being in the background. "Sister has always gotten attention doing this, so I'm going to do it too...."