True story about enabling and consequences
My hubby and I watched the show Intervention last night on A&E and this particular episode reminded me soooo much of the stories I see on here every day.
In a nutshell, mom and dad have 3 kids, mom is the grounded, disciplinarian "parent figure", dad is the let everything go, be the best buddy, "let them just be kids" figure. Dad gives them everything and asks for nothing (no respect, no rules, etc) mom and dad divorce when kids are teens and of course kids choose to live with dad who lets them run the house. ALL THREE become drug addicts and TWO eventually die within 5 weeks of each other from OD. During the intervention for the remaining son, the therapist tells dad that he needs to go to rehab to learn how to modify the way he treats his son, dad refuses, but then eventually caves and admits that it's his fault because he has never held children responsible for their actions and he realizes that he has ENABLED them. Therapist tells dad that if remaining son does not agree to go to rehab he can not continue to give him money, food, and shelter. Dad balks, therapist says "then why are we even here??" Dad then agrees. Fast forward... son goes to rehab for 2 weeks, drops out and dad lets him back into his house and son continues to use heroine. Way to go dad!
My hubby and I both cried. But I am hoping that hubby got some type of (at least small) lesson out of it in that whole story is proof positive of what happens when you treat your kids like your pal, give them everything, ask for nothing, have no rules and no consequences. 
Topic hits nail on the head
Topic hits nail on the head w/me & my birth daughter. I'm paying big time for it right now. She's 24 yrs. old, living in my condo, I give her wkly allowance & pay for EVERYTHING while she's in college. She took time off this yr. to decide whether she's "passionate" about her major & graduating. WTF? So she's going back for Fall Semester to graduate - price tag: $12,000. Six years I've paid out the butt for her & icing on the cake: two years ago she began addicted to oxycodine & figured out how to access my saving account, in 5 months time it went from $13,000 to $800. I was going on vacation & went to withdrawl money & found out while at the bank. NICE! So I forgave her & paid for drug treatment... She had car issues so I gave her credit card to use for repairs/emergencies. Just got the bill. Looks like all little charges but wait on the back section: cash advances... 2 months this went on: $1,500. Help, I need advise? DH is staying quiet & I can't tell my family.
THAT is why I dont want kids
THAT is why I dont want kids anymore.....jeesh!! Stepkids are enough!
omgoodness! these things
omgoodness! these things scare the crap out of me... I have a 7 month old and I am already terrified about what this world is going to be like when he hits his teenage years. Makes home schooling, containment in the basement, no contact with the outside world look like a real good plan! :O
Thanks HappySearch for your
Thanks HappySearch for your advise. I know this is the answer (treatment). Its hard to accept she's "like this". I've gone through so much money on her college/etc. too. No one's stopped me, I gave from the heart. I do think I need counseling to understand this b.c. its very upsetting & depressing, I have gone to Al-Anon before as my DH is a recovering alcoholic for 4 years now.
Yeah, I've been researching -
Yeah, I've been researching - still the best advise came from right here from HappySearch. I have to stop enabling her & insist she go to rehab for 3 mos. And then she's on her own.
BM is an addict and it's a
BM is an addict and it's a very simlar thing with her too. Parents had lots of money, gave her everything she wanted. She 'worked' half assed for the family business for a little while as she was getting more and more into trouble drunking and drugging. Basically she's now 45, not working, and living off of her parents (and she gets LOTS of money from them) They have tried the intervention thing, but BM knows that she can guilt her parents into giving her money, so she really can't hit rock bottom because her parents are always enabling her. Even the interventionist said that she'd never seen parents so unwilling to stop their enabling behaviour. DH left her a few years ago when the drugs started and it has put him and his kids (now 16 and 19, living FT with us)through the ringer. So here we sit today with a coked out BM who calls her kids at 3am at our house and pulls all sorts of crazy stuff. She thinks because she's got money, she's not an addict. It's really sad, but basically, her parents are funding her way to an early grave.
Step kids watch intervention all of the time. It's never said out loud, but I know they watch it thinking of their mother.