cs and school lunches
Good Morning! I had a very frustrating day yesterday. For 2 years I have stayed out of my husbands and his sons mothers business. But yesterday I had enough of her yelling at him and going off on him for no reason. Last year my SS mother decided she wanted him to go to the school in our district and therfore would stay with us 50% of the time and stay with her 50% of the time. Last year went fine, we all split the costs of enrollment and school supplies. This year not so great........ I went and enrolled my step son again and bought all his school supplies. Now my husband does pay child support, all the health insurance, and all copays. my husband called his ex to let her know how much everything cost and to see when she could pay us half. She told him that she would only pay us half if we paid half of his new clothes and shoes for school and half of school lunches. He told her no that is what his child support helps pay and that when he is our house that his son would take a sack lunch to school. She went OFF!@!!! Cussing and yelling and calling my husband some pretty bad names. Said that we could not ever see SS again if we sent him to school with a sack lunch. She would tell SS to throw away the sack lunch and get a school lunch. She said that what she gets for CS is not enough for anything. She told me that I needed to stay out of her and my husbands business because this has nothing to do with me. Anyone with a little advice? There is so much more but......... This is what he has had to deal with for 12 years. Before I came around he would give into her and give her all kinds of extra money and listen to her yell and cuss. I on the other hand do not put up with that kind of behavior and have told him that when she becomes uncivil to hang up the phone.
Wow, I think we are dealing
Wow, I think we are dealing with the same BM! LOL I also heard the "it's none of your business" but my BM ended her sentence with "you effin bitch" and hung up on me. After that, I no longer will talk or deal with her and she is not allowed in my home. My SO knows if it concerns finances that it IS my business. So now I just do all my "business" behind the scenes with SO and he's finally learned to stand up to her with my support. BM can scream that it's none of my business until the cows come home but, it won't do her any good. And, deep down, she knows this.
BM just doesn't want it to be my business because, like you, before I came into the picture she was getting tons of extra money, treated SO like shit and basically ran the show. I put an end to that and she's pissed. So of course she doesn't want it to be my business. BM is a very controlling person and it sent her off into a tirade when she found out that I was taking her control away and there isn't/wasn't a damn thing she could do about it! I don't lay down and roll over like SO did (keyword: DID). Much to my suprise, she actually caught on pretty quick not to mess with me. }:)
wow, just crazy how BMs act.
wow, just crazy how BMs act. I told her she couldn't keep my DH from his son and she asked if we wanted to try and come over and get him. I told my husband he needs to document EVERYTHING. Everytime we go over there to pick up SS and he isn't there to ALL of these phone and text message conversations. I am so sorry as step parents that we have to go through this. My SS BM's own sister says how hard it is to talk and reason with BM. So you think it is a control thing? She did keep saying that I was not his mother and it didn't concern me. I told her that I realize I am not his mom and I am not trying to be his my but however I am my DH's wife and because of that when it comes to my house and my fincances it does concern me.m She has not problem with me when we my DH is playing by her rules. I refuse to let him get walked all over anymore. I will not sit by while she verbally abuses my husband and throws a fit like a 2yr old. It is not healthy for anyone involved.
OMG...my BM's own sister says
OMG...my BM's own sister says the SAME thing!! LOL Too funny! Yes, I really think it's a control issue. Now that BM has no control over things, it makes her mad but there isn't anything she can do about it.
Our BM did the threatening to withhold visitation for years with SO and he would break and give into whatever she wanted. Last time she tried that, he said I will be over with the police and the court order in hand to get my son. She stopped playing that game because her threats no longer worked. SO used to say "Don't take my son away from me" I've taught him to say "You will NOT take my son away from me". Huge difference between the 2 phrases.
I am telling you. I don't
I am telling you. I don't drink or smoke but........ man o man! Like I said up until yesterday, I DID stay out of it. But I am tired of her yelling at my DH. She wants him to listen to what she has to say but the minute he starts talking she starts yelling over him. Threating to not let SS come to our house or when we do come to get him she leaves with SS. BABY MAMA DRAMA!!!!!
I pay for hot lunches so when
I pay for hot lunches so when the skids started eating hot lunches AND ala carte items to the tune of $3.50-4.00 per day when they were at their mother's (who did sack lunches), I cut them off. Here's how: I contacted the lunch program and had them program a dollar limit per month.. when it ran out...it ran out.
That is a good idea. I wonder
That is a good idea. I wonder if our school district will do that. BM wants SS to eat school lunches and my DH wants him to take a sack lunch. There is nothing wrong with a sack lunch but apparently to BM there is something wrong. I told her that it is my DH's right to send him with a sack lunch while SS is at our house and that if she told SS to throw away the sack lunch and get a hot lunch that it would be her responsiblility to pay for the hot lunch. She was throwing the F BOMB all over.
Your situation is a little
Your situation is a little different, you just don't have to contribute.
Our BM received a hefty amount in CS and we had 50/50 and she continued to nickel and dime us. She also taught the skids to use our week to stock up on their wants and needs. Worse, we were home-base before and after school, so we were feeding breakfast, lunches (until I stopped that), after school snacks--everyday! And sometimes those after school snacks were leftovers planned for dinner!!
This is no exaggeration: They would help themselves to food in the cabinets or take meat out of the freezer and take it to BM's home with them!! E.g., I started noticing the venison going down and asked DH if he gave some away.. no. Hmm :? Then a leg of lamb was gone. :? About a week later I see a SD's Facebook status love lamb--my guilty pleasure. Too bad for him that I bought it on an Easter sale... he had to replace it out of season. (BTW, BM does not struggle financially.)
Now that they are adults we suddenly have all this extra money every month--over and above the CS amount.
Only pay your cs and call it
Only pay your cs and call it a day. The kid losses anyway. If she will not be civil with you, why get all worked out. The kid will live and life goes on. She just wants to play games and put the kids in the middle. My ex used everything to get me to pay more and more. I only pay my cs.Not a penny more. I know it is sad, but, if you give in , she will just want more. Nip it quick ! }:)
Thank you. I tell my DH that
Thank you. I tell my DH that BM will nickle and dim him if we let her. We will continue to pay my DH CS and help with sports activities but as for as school enrollment and school supplies goes she will have to do it all next year. We don't mind paying half but we expect the same from her and we are not getting it this year. So next year it will be her responsibility to save her reciepts and get with us.
That's what cs is for. And if
That's what cs is for. And if you have the kid half the time why is he paying cs anyway?! Whatever. If the kid is with you half the time you do what you want. If it's a sack lunch, so be it. She can't keep her son away from him. Do strt documenting each time she Threatens to keep him away, keeps him away, isn't there when she says, etc. Do you have an attorney? If not save up for one. Then once you have documentation that she's keeping him away let the attorney handle it. Is the arrangement you have court ordered? Now if you did want to give him lunch money, I think schools now have systems where you can put money into an 'account' so often. Once they spend it it's gone. So maybe you can tell her we're putting x-amount for the semester or school year and that's it. As far as the bm, I don't deal with ours. She doesn't like me though because since we've been married she hasn't been able to run all over dh anymore. Maybe in the future don't deal with her but just havetalks with dh about the situation, figure out your solution and let him get back to her.